He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Saw a quote on the Internet:
"What are the consequences of not being in a relationship for a long time? I just don't know if I like boys or girls. ”
Saw a set of data online:
More than 30% of the post-90s generation are "mother-fetus single".
What do you mean?
When I came out of my mother's womb, I never fell in love, and I don't know what love feels like.
In fact, I can also understand the difficulties and ambivalence of these girls.
Before the age of 18, the tutoring is strict, and parents are not allowed to have contact with the opposite sex;
After the age of 18, I went to college and saw such a "big" world for the first time, I was dazzled and did not know how to choose;
During college, I had a good impression of the opposite sex and had an ambiguity, but eventually did not give up;
After graduating, I joined the work, devoted myself to work, and was tired of coping with love.
There are boys who pursue themselves, but they don't know how to talk about it, and they won't fall in love.
So, all the way to the age of twenty-seven or eight; Parents began to urge marriage, and classmates and friends around them also got married and had children.
Only myself remained, and I went further and further on the road to singleness.
What are the characteristics of girls who have not had a man for a long time and have been single for a long time?
Intermittent desire for love, continuous enjoyment of singleness
There is a concept in psychology called "compulsive repetition".
People will have stereotypical impressions of certain people or things due to inherent thinking concepts, inertia and habits.
Women who grow up single for a long time will fall into this predicament and are easily affected by the "wind in the ears".
Married girlfriends and friends around them, they constantly told this single girl about all kinds of misfortunes in marriage.
"Men change their minds"
"Don't get married, don't think about it"
"If you don't have money, don't have children"
"It's better to be single."
You say, this single girl is affected by this kind of thinking every day, what is her inner state of mind about love?
Fear, fear, subconsciously resisting love.
Therefore, when girls are single for a long time, they will fall into a state of "screwing".
For singles, they enjoy it;
But for love and marriage, they occasionally envy.
But in the end, she chose to live alone.
There are fewer and fewer members of the opposite sex in the circle
Women who have been single for a long time will have an unexplained resistance or vigilance towards male birth.
Once a boy approaches her, the girl will feel some discomfort and want to escape.
And their daily life is to chat with girlfriends, friends, classmates, and colleagues.
There are fewer and fewer members of the opposite sex in the circle of friends;
I have a lot to talk about with girls, but I don't know what to do when I face boys.
Even if you meet a boy you like, this kind of girl doesn't know how to do it and how to fight for it.
What are the consequences in the end?
Miss a very likely marriage for nothing.
When a person "closes" his heart for a long time, it will become "closed solitude", and the perception of love will become lower and lower.
And the disadvantages of this state are:
In the face of feelings, negativity prevails; When faced with someone you like, the first reaction is to flee.
"I like you very much, but I dare not go near you."
"I want to start a relationship, but I don't know how to get along with the opposite sex."
Forced herself to become a "female man"
I thought of a girl friend next to me.
33 years old, single.
In order to fight the urging of her parents and relatives, she has lived alone for several years, returning home once a month, and living the rest of the time in the house she bought.
Yes, in order to live alone, she bought a small house.
Living alone, very happy and comfortable.
Once upon a time, she was also a girl who was tolerated, understood, loved, and held in the palm of her hand by her parents.
Later, because of the marriage, there were some conflicts with his parents, and he moved away from the house in a fit of anger.
When she was young, she was also weak and always relied on the people around her;
But now that she has been single for a long time and has lived alone for a long time, she has become a female man.
Carry a bucket of water and climb to the third floor, the atmosphere does not breathe;
Detailed decoration of the home, completed by yourself;
What a man can do, she is not bad.
Looked at an interesting study:
When women grow up single and lack the nourishment of love, the "male characteristics" on the body will become more and more obvious.
Two extremes: enjoying solitude and anxious sensitivity
Women who have been single for a long time tend to develop two extreme states.
The first one: enjoy solitude more and more and love living alone
Such girls, they have their own lives and careers, and they have their own life pursuits.
Make money, read, save, travel.
Even if her friends are married, she is not afraid of loneliness, but immersed in her own small world, alone and brilliant.
The second: anxiety sensitivity
This kind of girl belongs to the "mental internal consumption type".
As I go further and further down the road to being single, I become more and more lazy, I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to change.
After a long time, I even began to doubt myself.
Doubt your charm, doubt your character, doubt your future.
I care about other people's opinions and am afraid of hearing others pointing fingers at me;
Very sensitive, suffering from gains and losses, often because of a word and an expression of others, the heart will turn upside down.
In fact, no matter which choice (single or married in love), people will regret it.
So before choosing, be sure to be true to yourself:
You have to get married for love and willingness to fall in love, not find someone to make do with it just to get married.
In your opinion, girls have been single for a long time, what are the manifestations?
(Article with picture source network)