Wen \ coffee, Jiang Zuo Meiniang
Best-selling author Geng Shuai wrote in his book All Lost Will Return in Another Way:
"For people who don't want to lose anyway, it's best to stay within a friendship. If you cross a line, the end may be forever, but it may also be a farewell. ”
If you do not know how to "avoid suspicion" and lose your sense of proportion, it is easy to cross the line.
In particular, sharing these things is the beginning of "crossing the line".
01 Share private time
In the dead of night, when you receive a WeChat message from the opposite sex, asking you "what are you doing" and "are you sleeping".
Note that this is a temptation, and the subtext is "I miss you."
People are emotional, especially in the middle of the night, will be involuntarily impulsive, have a strong desire to talk. If men and women always talk to each other late at night, over time, ambiguity will arise.
Two days ago, my girlfriend confided in me.
said that her husband often worked overtime until late recently, sent her female colleague home and let the other party sit in the co-pilot, said several times, her husband did not think so, and felt that she was sensitive and vexatious.
She struggled with this and had self-doubt.
Until it was found again that my husband and female colleagues said "good night" to each other every day, a family war broke out between the husband and wife again, and even filed for "divorce".
Psychology has a "broken window effect", that is, in the absence of external interference, allowing a small thing to develop will eventually cause greater adverse consequences.
The same goes for getting along with opposites of the sex. After one bottom line is broken, other bottom lines instantly break the defense, piercing this layer of window paper, and the consequences are unimaginable.
Private time should be for yourself and your lover.
But the best friend's husband shared all this precious time with female colleagues and made his partner sad. This kind of crossing is enough to show that one person has been moved, and the other person is also responding.
If his girlfriend's husband sends his female colleague home at night, and after he finds that the impact is not good, he will try to avoid it as much as possible, believing that things will not be so out of control.
The relationship between the opposite sex, the ambiguity is derived from some small details, those seemingly inconspicuous small details are not controlled, it is easy to set off waves, if not stopped in time, this relationship will eventually deteriorate, harm others and harm themselves.
02 Share secrets
Everyone has their own secrets, some buried deep in their hearts, and even good friends may not want to tell them.
If in daily life, a person and the opposite sex have reached the point of sharing each other's secrets without shying away, this means that the relationship between them is very unusual.
Many ambiguous relationships begin with this sharing of secrets.
Neighbor Xiaoying is a recognized beauty, recently blocked by the wife of a man outside because of betrayal of the family, and Xiaoying's extramarital affair made a lot of noise for a while.
Xiaoying was originally married to a husband who did not do his job and was addicted to alcohol, and her husband's unbearable made Xiaoying very disappointed in this marriage, but she did not dare to divorce, and she always looked sad when she worked in the unit.
As a result, once, she was late from work and suddenly received a call from her husband, who directly scolded her, making her sad, directly on the phone, and the two quarreled.
It happened that the director of the office passed by and saw Xiaoying in a bad mood, so he called her into the house alone to ask what happened.
Seeing the leader's concerned eyes, Xiaoying cried and told the secret of the contradiction between the husband and wife, and while talking, even trivial things such as that she had been unable to get pregnant due to miscarriage were told by her.
And since that heart-to-heart conversation, the director knew the reason why Xiaoying's life was not easy, and usually took extra care of her, and the two soon had a scandal.
Suddenly caring, sharing secrets... These actions are obvious transgressions between friends of the opposite sex.
Writer Han Han said:
"Women use friendship to reject love, men use friendship in exchange for love."
Yes, so don't confide in your marriage misfortunes with friends of the opposite sex, no matter who is right or wrong, it belongs to the privacy of husband and wife. Maybe at the beginning, Xiaoying just wanted to complain, but the director who wanted to help her would make Xiaoying have a different kind of affection because he sympathized with her, and if Xiaoying returned the favor, the man's friendship would become the love he wanted. Over time, it's strange that they don't depend on each other.
03 Share emotions
In the hit TV series "Their Name", a married man Zhang Weichen, a medical doctor, is excellent, has good looks and ability, and the leader attaches great importance to him and arranges him to go abroad for training.
After meeting a little junior sister who had a crush on him, he enjoyed the feeling of being adored. I often praise the little junior sister not only for her beauty, but also for her medical talent.
Abroad, lonely men and widows study together and take care of each other. After returning to China, the two discussed academics together, chatted about the world, had lunch together every day, and had pick-up and drop-off from work.
Not only that, he also rescued stray cats with his little junior sister and shared the sad story that he once had a cat but was thrown away by his family.
On weekends, Zhang Weichen asked the little junior sister to go to the rescue station to see the adopted stray cat, and at the same time confided in her, saying that he did not want to be at home on weekends, and his wife's meticulous care felt like a giant baby, and the psychological pressure was particularly great.
And the little junior sister aroused his desire to protect, and in front of her, Zhang Weichen felt very relaxed and satisfied. Especially the little junior sister's admiration for him made him intoxicated, and he would rather share his joys, angers and sorrows with the little junior sister than talk to his wife.
Feelings are easy to produce illusions in chatting and sharing emotions, and frequent contact will produce psychological dependence.
Sharing emotions means crossing the line, and after crossing the line, once the hazy feelings arise, women will easily half-push and half-accept on the spot.
04 Mei Niang said
The relationship between the opposite sex is based on equality and respect, and having a friend of the opposite sex who has a good relationship can help you open up a lot of perspectives on problems.
To get along normally between the opposite sex, we must establish a good sense of boundaries, and Mei Niang shares three methods with you:
First, find your place in every relationship
Everyone has a variety of roles in life and work, so you must find your own position and don't overstep it.
Since they are ordinary friends, they should know "what I can and cannot do", and do not do anything that misunderstands the other party.
Second, be clear about your bottom line and principles, and learn to say "no"
When you feel that your boundaries have been crossed and make you feel uncomfortable, please say "no" in time, don't be afraid of embarrassment, you can say it in person.
Clearly draw your own boundaries, not only respect for others, but also respect for yourself, some behaviors must not have, otherwise, it will become ambiguous.
Third, keep your distance from friends of the opposite sex
Even if it is a normal help, you must have a sense of boundaries, do not joke casually, let the other person misunderstand, and do not have the opportunity to be alone.
No matter how good the heterosexual relationship is, it is also necessary to take good social distance. Don't get too close, don't do things that cross the line, this is the most decent way to communicate.
Things that do not belong to you, holding them in your hands will only hurt you, it is better to let go at the right time.
Life is not easy, and I hope everyone can protect their marriage.
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