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This kind of man who only exposes his dangerous nature after marriage, please avoid it

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This kind of man who only exposes his dangerous nature after marriage, please avoid it

*Title source: Question 4 of this issue of Micro-Q&A

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Question 1

Keywords: test editor VS second child 

Dear baby sister, listening to your micro-Q&A before going to bed has become a daily must-have, and it has a lot of benefits. Now I have a lot of trouble and want to hear your advice.

Female, 32 years old, 161, 52 kg, independent, self-rated average, overseas master's degree, now working in the grassroots government, annual salary of 90,000

Male 33 years old, 171, 66 kg, has an older brother, annual income of about 900,000.

After returning to China, I went to work in a first-tier city, and then I was introduced by my old family to my husband now, and confirmed the relationship after 3 months, because it was more compatible, I got the certificate in 10 months, and I had a daughter a year later, and my life was very happy. Usually my husband takes care of the family and is careful.

I have to admit that my PU is still very high, but my husband is very accommodating to my temper and takes the initiative to coax me every time. The salary is transferred to me every month after it arrives, and every wedding anniversary will buy me a big-name bag, and I am very grateful to God for giving me such a good man.

Now that his daughter is more than five years old, her husband actively promotes the second child, takes the initiative to buy folic acid, and learns that the man also wants to eat, he took the initiative to eat for two months, seeing that I never want to eat, he also temporarily stopped eating. I have always been very hesitant, I want to take the exam first and then have a second child, after all, there are only two years of chance, since I have entered the organ unit, I want to have a stable establishment, but if I wait another two years, it seems that it is a little late to have a second child.

Now I am in a dilemma, and my heart is very entangled. I want to hear the advice of the doll sister. If you win, thank you very much.

answer

Why does the test editor conflict with the second child? I don't understand.

It stands to reason that there are no other people who are pregnant and give birth when they are examined, right? The experienced young lady in the comment can share her experience with this subject.

Therefore, your current mentality is definitely not right, this is like some people say: I want to go to graduate school, I will not go on a blind date;

Or: I'm going to pursue a career while I'm young, and I won't go on blind dates.

This is actually all instinctively avoiding things that you are not good at, but that are important to you.

However, this is just like playing a game, the monsters you don't kill will eventually sneak up and kill you.

Since you wrote to me, I will definitely support you to engage in a second child first, and if I am you, I must also pay attention to the second child.

Old fans advanced

Question 2

Keyword: off-site 

Hello baby sister ~ newcomer 

My daughter, 94 years/156/92, non-alone, 211 undergraduate, annual income of 50-60w. No house, no car, family conditions are middle and lower. Self-evaluation, greedy for emotional value, and emotionally unstable. 

Male, 90 years/177/140, independent non-department, ordinary undergraduate, annual income 25-30w. The provincial capital city where both parties are located has basically no loans, the parents' physique is within the physique, and the family conditions are medium and upper. It should be Bushi, more emotionally stable, like to cook, more thrifty to himself, more generous to me. 

The man pursued me for a month together, currently together for 5 months, nearly two months, the nature of the man's work, need to travel at the end of the year and come back once in about 996,20 days, and can only see 2 days on weekends. I could only video me for 30-60 minutes after work, but it felt like I was doing a task. 

I will also lose my temper because of trivial things, such as replying to messages too slowly, not saying that I love me, etc., I think the man is not heart-wrenching enough, and then the man will coax at first, and then feel that I often complain, he said that he is very tired. I think the relationship is getting bigger and bigger at the moment.

People around me have commented that my boyfriend is very good in all aspects and suitable for marriage, and I am currently trying to correct it, but it may be that the cloth is too strong and I feel very powerless. 

I think the biggest problem at the moment is: long-distance location, which will exacerbate the dilution of feelings 

The man has mentioned to me many times that he wants to change jobs, but he has not actually put it into action, how to guide the man. What direction needs to be developed in order to have a long-term choice.

This kind of man who only exposes his dangerous nature after marriage, please avoid it

answer

You really misunderstood Bushi too much. "Emotionally stable, like to cook", how can this be a stone.

He needs to travel at the end of the year and come back once in 996,20 days, and can only see him for 2 days on weekends, why? This is the other party subconsciously trying to find overtime, either deliberately making it difficult for themselves to meet, or maybe soaking other girls, have you never suspected it once?

Why he is too slow to reply to messages, is it instinct to know that he can't get by with you, so he subconsciously delays.

If someone sends a message informing him that he has won 5 million, you can see how quickly he replied.

Isn't this instinctively treating you as homework and as a task?

"The man would coax at first, and then he felt that I often complained, and he said that he was very tired"

This is because you are in his eyes like a slot machine eater, eating countless corners without spitting them out. You eat so much of his emotional value, and you don't understand feedback, of course the other party will be tired with you.

So your problem is not a different place at all, but he instinctively wants to be in a different place with you, and does not want to end the long place. If you can figure out this reason, maybe he still has the possibility of getting better, otherwise your relationship should be dragged and dragged out.

You have to think clearly, you are now young and beautiful, with an annual income of five or six hundred thousand, belonging to the kind of cloth cutter with a sense of atmosphere, and you can still play like this for another two or three years. But when you reach about 33, there will be no normal men around you. If you have always been so greedy for emotional value and emotionally unstable, if you take a long-term view, you will inevitably slowly change from cutting cloth to stone cloth. Based on my observations of the marriage market, none of all the girls with weird personalities like you have a happy marriage.

Girls like you don't get too little, they get too much and are not content. If you don't quit your emotional greed, you can't marry any man. The man at the moment is neither a stone nor a long deal. So in the current situation, even if this man talks to you about marriage, he is likely to run away in the end.

I have also seen the best results you can get for girls like you, such as men will suddenly tell you before marriage that they owe a large amount of debt, or D Bo and the like, let you give up painfully, which is very common, and it is already very lucky to let you stop the loss in time.

There is also a situation that when you are pregnant, there may be a child for seven or eight months, and the other party suddenly chats and makes you find out, or suddenly say that you have an unclean disease, forcing you to give up the "big heroine" character. This is a bad ending, but it is an ending that normally happens along the timeline.

Question 3

Keywords: high work pressure 

Beautiful and wise baby sister, grateful for meeting you in life, I met the male god husband at the end of the golden mate selection. 

I, 34 years old, 168, 56kgA, Northern 4th Line, Dufei Division, undergraduate, 20W+. 

Husband, 36 years old, 170, 75kg, southern county, not alone, undergraduate, 40W+, good market last year 100W+, double business high, strong sense of responsibility, love daughter. 

My husband lost his father at the age of eight, and now a sister and a sister are doing well, and my mother-in-law helps me with the baby, and never lets me do housework. In a different place, my husband is at home 10 days a month. 

I have a stable job and good benefits, but the pressure is high and the interpersonal relationship is complicated, if I want to make more money, I have to sell some products that are not optimistic to customers, the performance is not outstanding and will not lick the leader, the mental pressure is very large, go out at 6:30 every day, and work overtime until seven or eight o'clock in the evening. 

At the beginning of the year, I was trying to conceive a second child but an ectopic pregnancy, work made me both home and physical anxiety, I know that this is caused by my lack of ability, I want to resign to test for the second child and then work, but the heart is very entangled, afraid that the environment is not good and the job is difficult to find, if my husband's income is unstable, at least my job is stable and guaranteed.

My mother-in-law has no pension, my mother's pension is not high, my father will have to make up his own social security when he retires next year, and we have two rooms and one car on the second line along the coast. My husband is very supportive of my resignation, help me find a job, and suggest me to work full-time, so that I don't worry about money, he often says that "the source of your happiness is to unconditionally trust your husband".

I know that it is urgent to raise my body and have a second child, and I have many worries about resigning. Sister Wa, is my mentality of reluctance to work a cloth? Or should we strive to improve the balance of everything?

answer

You sent a picture, I can only describe your situation truthfully. Among the five photos you sent, except for the one from 2018, the rest of the facial features are more masculine, with long hair that looks like a women's clothing boss. Generally speaking, this situation is difficult to change and difficult to deal with, but you are lucky that your husband looks very manly, so the overall problem of the two of you looking at the appearance alone is not too big.

"Work makes me worry about my home and my body is anxious", which has shown that you can't hold on to both work and family, isn't reality giving you enough signals? Money is inexhaustible, but the child will not give birth, and it will only be more difficult to regenerate later. Besides, your husband earned 1 million last year, this is your income for five years, can't you take a break in the next five years?

What your husband said is very reasonable: "The source of your happiness is to trust your husband unconditionally", and he can see this matter better than you. He can see that you are a person who is not strong and is tormented by high spirits. Your working hours are from six o'clock in the morning to seven or eight o'clock in the evening, all overtime plus, the performance is still not outstanding, you haven't thought that it's not that you don't work hard enough, it's that you're not good at this job at all?

Generally speaking, where the company is close to home, you will not need to go out at six o'clock in the morning, you work overtime until seven or eight o'clock in the evening, then you have to go home at nine o'clock, which is equivalent to throwing a large part of the time in the company, which is only exchanged for 200,000 a year, the key is not the main income of your family, but also affects your relationship with your husband, second child plan, etc. Before you buried your head in work, did you calculate whether this account was worth it?

Your body has now sounded the alarm, your husband has also sounded the alarm, the offspring have lost one, and you are still struggling here for a job that has worked hard and did not make much money (relative to your family's total income), which shows how unclear you are. Your husband's income is unstable and also has 40w, why do you need your life and descendants to fight for the work to guarantee the bottom? You must know that the money you work hard to earn is really not so important to the total income of the family, don't take yourself too seriously, don't feel that the family can't live without your income.

Your reluctance to work is actually the work of inner cloth. When you are incompetent, you must learn to suppress the swelling desires in your heart, and the development of these things will not only make you lose your offspring, but also lose your family. You come here to contribute, maybe it's an opportunity, you've driven yourself into a corner, maybe it's time to relax and be a stone, because if you continue, you will only force your husband into the hands of others, and then you will really only have an annual salary of 20w, not this year's 120w.

Girls like you who can't carry it should pay more attention to listening to her husband's words. What he is saying now is a warning. Because he is only at home ten days a month, which in itself is already very dangerous; You are still far away, which is all related to your poor relationship. Otherwise, generally speaking, your condition is so serious, your husband will advise you to stay full-time, stay at home, and do not need to go to work. In my experience, your current problem is not a question of whether you work or not, but how you want to satisfy your husband, keep this family, and give it to future generations. You may not realize that your current family has been shaken in the storm, wake up early.

Question 4

Keywords: cloth cutting man 

Hello dear baby sister, I met you three years ago, but I have entered the marriage, I know that I have gone the wrong way, stepped on a lot of thunder, so many years I really can't make up my mind, so I want to ask the baby sister to show me a way, thank you ~ 

Female, 172cm, 61kg, month 3k, undergraduate, non-alone, family fourth-line northern demolition household. 

Male, 172cm, 75kg, month 3k, undergraduate, not alone, a suite in a new first-tier city (purchased in 2014), the car is a car that has been publicly replaced for more than ten years. 

In 2015, I met my current husband because of YY taking a break from school to play games at home, just started online dating and often quarreled, I was too greedy for emotional value, blacking out calls and shutting down the phone are my regular operations, the other party's appearance is not my favorite type, but greedy emotional value is coaxed every time, together for half a year to appear and have a relationship

In 2017, I had an unexpected pregnancy, and said that the bride price was not withdrawn from the bank on the wedding day, and I will give it to me after graduation. After that, I couldn't stand living with them and felt like an outsider running to my girlfriend, gave me bride money, and then kept asking my father to borrow money to borrow 120w, until now I can't move to say bride price, my husband and family don't give a penny, let me spend bride money, said who I keep it for.

The child has always been brought by my mother-in-law and not for me, and my husband said that the family's water, electricity, gas bills, food, drink, and Lasa did not ask me to pay, what else do you have to ask for. Ask Sister Doll, I've always wanted to divorce, and I look back every time for the sake of my children, is it going to end completely this time? How can you improve yourself after the end to avoid stepping on the thunder again? Photo hiding

answer

Judging from the photos you sent, your husband has a wide and fat face, a collapsed nose, eyebrows are particularly light, but the silkworm is particularly full, it looks like a very evil look, the headshot is particularly like the Hong Kong actor who specializes in playing bad guys, plus you said "the other party's appearance is not my type but coveting emotional value is coaxed every time" and "I keep asking my father to borrow money to borrow 120w", obviously, this is a very typical cloth cut (ugly appearance) inner cut (good at providing emotional value) cloth cut man.

With the cloth cutting man, it will indeed be very cool at first, you can be yourself arbitrarily, you can let your temper and emotions go casually, such as what you said "often quarrel... Pulling black calls and shutting down the phone is my regular operation", but once the woman gets pregnant and gives birth, the initiative in the relationship begins to flip, swallowing needles is constantly the basic operation, just like the various slow treatment you endure after an unexpected pregnancy, what "said that the good bride price was not withdrawn in the bank on the wedding day", "gave me the bride price, and kept asking my father to borrow 120w, until now I can't move to say the bride price, my husband and the family don't give a penny, let me spend the bride price, say who I keep it for." The child has not been brought by my mother-in-law, my husband said that the family's water, electricity, gas bills, food, drink, and Lasa did not ask me to pay, what else do you have to ask for" and so on, and if your own personality does not change, the needle swallowed will only increase, and even need to spend the rest of your life to pay for the emotional value of your past covetousness. (Source of the title of this issue)

You didn't say how old you are this year, according to what you said, "I suspended school because of YY in 2015", even if you are a sophomore or junior who suspended school, that is, in 2015 it was about 20 years old, then it is now about 28 years old, but fortunately you look good at blind dates, if you want to start over, there is still a little chance, but hurry.

If you want to avoid stepping on the thunder again, cultivating yourself and no longer coveting emotional value, is the place where you need to work the most. You have suffered so much in this marriage and coveted emotional values, only by completely changing yourself can you not fall twice in a pit. If you continue to "not forget your original intention", then even if you change people to find another person, the other party will hit the snake with the stick, and your situation will only be more difficult than it is now.

Knowledge Planet Pico Quiz Questions

01

Keywords: inner clipping 

Happy New Year teachers, my question: Does the inner cut girl have a common characteristic: the ability to think differently and empathize

answer

Yes, in addition, some cloth cutting women can also learn through the day after tomorrow

02

Keywords: stone cloth 

Dear sisters and marriage masters! One of my problems is that I feel like I've been particularly stone cloth lately, and I can feel that recently I have knocked down my takeaway, forgot to bring my phone, and my husband has been calling me "waste" lately, "I can't do anything" (also in a joking tone)

I also replied in a joking tone: "Smash again ~ smash the pot ~ I'm a pot smasher ~ I am now laughing at a higher and higher level" 

He said, "Haha, you laugh at yourself that this is good, but don't have a glass heart" But I feel that I am forced to smile, I am very unhappy, I always want to prove to him that I am not such a dish, I myself feel that it is really poor strength and does not let people say ~ 

Is there any way to reverse this stone cloth mentality a little?

answer

I have the impression that you have always been very stoney, which is not "recent". This problem, like aging, worsens with age. If you don't realize this and completely change your stone cloth behavior like a star fighting to death, the road ahead will become narrower and narrower.

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