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Leo Tolstoy's Resurrection: "Eating is beneficial and harmless only when you are hungry; in the same way, dealing with people is beneficial and harmless only when you are loving." ”
People who do not love, dealing with others must have a very heavy selfishness, and in the end there will only be two results: either they succeed and harm the interests of others; or others will see through your tricks and make you fruitless.
Normal interpersonal relationships need to be based on "love", both parties have love, and the relationship must be very good. If neither party has love, no one can get any benefit. If one party has love and the other party does not, perhaps the party without love can temporarily succeed, but only this time, after the other party recognizes your true face, it will not let you succeed again.
This is similar to the marriage of some people, when they have a grudge and hatred together, and the wrong-minded party wants to remarry after divorce, and often ends in failure, because the other party has learned the lesson and is not willing to repeat the same mistakes.
There is such a problem between the couple below, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
In the past, I believed that people with unhealthy hearts would sooner or later change their ways, but after experiencing a marriage, I found that this was not the case.
I dare not say that all people with unhealthy mental skills will not change their ways, but there will always be some people with unhealthy hearts who are difficult to move and will never be able to change.
My ex-wife is such a person, her heart is very heavy, in her eyes, no one is a good person. In fact, because there is a problem with her own values, she is unwilling to reflect on herself, only wants to calculate others, only wants to let herself not suffer losses, and as a result, she suffers a big loss.
In my case, she didn't suffer anything, because I wasn't the kind of person who was calculating and was particularly tolerant of her. But she is the kind of person, the more tolerant you are to her, the more unscrupulous she is, always self-centered.
I told her to "be happy", is there anything wrong with this sentence? If you are not happy, I hope you are happy is good intentions; if you are happy, I want you to be happier, it is the icing on the cake. But what about her? He even understood my words as malicious.
She asked me what I meant by saying this, and she was very angry, obviously feeling that there was nothing to do. I stopped talking, and she said I must not be at peace.
I saw her work hard and told her "hard", and she began to find nothing to do: "What is hard work?" What do you mean by that? ”
It feels like this person can't understand people's words, or she doesn't listen to what you say at all, doesn't use her brain to understand at all, and only cares about catching the wind and catching shadows.
These are actually only small things, and the more serious problem than this is that she suspected that I had betrayed her and deliberately took my mobile phone to send ambiguous messages to all my friends of the opposite sex.
What the hell is she trying to do? What kind of results do you really want to get? Even if you want to test me, do you need this? It's not that I'm a thief with a weak heart, but if I do this to her, will she be able to accept it? She will definitely tear me apart and eat me!
I didn't want to live with this kind of brain-malfunctioning person and filed for divorce. Even if I am reasonable, I can't say it clearly, because I don't have her to speak well, she can say that the black can be white, she can blame all the fault on me, and since I proposed the divorce, the problem must be mine, and she must be compensated for her losses.
Knowing that the loss I suffered was unreasonable, I accepted it. If I don't accept it, I'll continue to suffer from her. Under the trade-off, I still think it is better to spend money to buy peace of mind.
After she divorced me, she quickly found another torturer. Later, when I learned that she had a child, I thought she might have changed her ways, after all, no matter how vicious people are, they will not joke about children.
However, after a year, I found out that I was wrong, and she didn't change anything, but was more hateful than before.
She wanted to remarry me, but when she opened her eyes and said that the child was mine, she said, "You must remarry me and help me raise my children!" ”
I asked her, "Why should you raise a child you have with someone else?" How do you mean to say that the child is mine? I know about your remarriage and divorce, the child obviously looks like your ex-husband, why pull me to be wronged? ”
After I recognized it, she changed her attitude, and her shyness made people want to throw up. She smiled at me with a hippie smile and said, "I thought I could fool my child!" It seems that you are not so good at cheating! Hahahahaha! It's okay, since you have seen through it, then I will tell you something sincere with your heart and lungs. I want to remarry you, I want you to raise children with me, because you are a great good person in my mind, no man under the sky is as kind as you, not to mention that you still have money and a house, you can afford to raise our mothers, and remarrying with you is the best choice for me! ”
If I had left it to the past, I might have been fooled by her rhetoric. But since the divorce, I've become more cautious. Her behavior of "sending me a good person card" is clearly telling me: "I want you to be wronged because you are stupid and cheap!" ”
I've already been fooled once, I've already suffered a big loss from her, and it's impossible to let me be deceived again.
I think this kind of person should not have children, because she is not worthy of being a mother, and when the child grows up, she will only hate her, and when she reaches her old age, she will definitely live a very desolate life.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
You need to be careful, otherwise you will never understand many things.
Some people seem to be doing very decent work, seem to be wearing very glamorous clothes, seem to be talking at a large cost, but they can't be human at all, there are many details and rules of being a person, they don't understand at all. Sadly, they also prefer to argue with people, trying to convince others with their ignorance.
The lives of such people are usually not going well, because life is always in trouble with the details they overlook. And they never think that their own problems are causing problems in their lives, but blame others for all their problems.
If others are as stupid as they are, it is easy to do, and it is better to complain to each other. But if others are normal people who can be human, they can't stand a series of stupid behaviors such as shirking responsibility, making unreasonable trouble, and complaining about others.
The problem of the couple above belongs to this situation, the woman obviously does not act as a person, in addition to the fact that she has no brains when dealing with marriage, blindly giving birth to a child is the stupidest and most irresponsible thing she has done, because she is not prepared to be a mother at all, and she is not qualified to be a mother at all.
These problems can be blamed on her lack of "love", only those who have no love in their hearts will be irresponsible, will act recklessly, and have no shame. I hope others can learn from her and don't let yourself become a rotten person who is spurned by others, otherwise when you are older, you will be miserable.