Author: Bai Yi (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
Someone on the Internet did a street interview and the question was: "What do you want to say to your mom when you were 18?" ”
Most young people in their twenties say, "Don't marry my father, find a better man to marry." ”
There is an answer that makes people frightened: "Don't give birth to me." ”
After reading this interview, the netizens below exploded and shared their feelings.
Some people say, "It doesn't matter if I don't have it, don't marry my dad, do what you want." ”
Some people say: "The mother's childcare in the family is done by the mother, and every time the mother wants to rely on the father, the father will move back."
When the child arrives, the relationship between the husband and wife is broken, and they only need to take care of each other, and now they still need to raise children.
The role of the father brings responsibility, but also brings pressure in all aspects, not to mention financial pressure, and how to deal with the relationship between family members.
So many fathers, dedicated to their work, are completely invisible in the family, firstly, they need money to raise their children, and secondly, they do not know how to discipline their children.
It is regrettable that it is the absence of the father, the mother's love for the child, which is more likely to cross the line, and even control.
The triangle is the most stable, so is the family relationship, the trinity of father, mother, and child, all actively participate in parenting, it is possible to raise excellent children.
Maternal love is offside in solitude
In the reality show "Youth Says", Cong Siyang's mother resigned and went home for her children, and began a life with her husband inside and outside the heroine.
When the child comes home from class, the mother has prepared fruit, and in the morning she will put the folded clothes on her daughter's bed, and before going to school, the mother will help her put away the books, and she will carry them directly to school.
Her mother did everything for her, causing her to not even be able to sweep the floor at the basics, and when it was her turn to be on duty at school, her classmates advised her not to do it, and after doing it, others had to rework for her.
Love is just strength, excess is obstacle, light children's self-care ability is poor, heavy loss of interest in life.
The documentary "After Zero Zero" filmed the 10 years of children's growth, one of the children named Xikun, full of curiosity about things, dreaming of becoming a scientist.
His parents lived apart, and his father was almost never involved in the education of his children.
Xikun's mother usually helps carry school bags, gives her children umbrellas when it rains, and never worries her son about food, clothing, housing and travel. At summer camp, you will call your child to tell them what to wear.
Including interpersonal relationships, his mother will help him, and when he was 5 years old, Xi Kun did not say hello to the children around him because he was shy, and his mother spoke instead of his son.
Surprisingly, Xikun's state is getting worse and worse, the liveliness of his childhood is no longer there, he is not interested in anything, and he is not very sociable.
Stanford Provost Hyams said:
"Parents are eager to help their children cross milestone after milestone and protect their children from failure and pain. But overprotection is inherently harmful, and it can deprive children of the willpower and personality they need to shape their lives. ”
The lack of a father, the mother and the father, accidentally gave double love, the more the mother is arranged, the more all-powerful, the more fragile and incompetent the child.
There is a concept in psychology called "overcompensation", the mother's doting, projecting the lack of love in the heart, the invisibility of the father in the family, the mother without the supply of love, will be realized in the child, will overcompensate the child.
Hide half of the love, let the child try, feel, and accumulate experience, so that he can bear the storm and live this life well.
The father is the control switch of maternal love
Psychologist Carol Gilgen said: "Fathers emphasize justice, fairness and responsibility (rule-based), while mothers emphasize compassion, care and help. ”
Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental, discovered early on the complementarity of men and women in education.
When his son was a child, he didn't like to brush his teeth at night, Yu Minhong's wife, distressed about her son, felt that it would be okay once, but Yu Minhong did not think so, he felt that a good habit lies in persistence.
No matter how sleepy his son is, he will pull his son up and brush his teeth before he can sleep.
For a while, his son loved ice cream, his wife did not have moderation, for the sake of his son's health, Yu Minhong stipulated that he could only eat one box a day, and the time was half an hour after meals.
At first, the son would be soft and hard, hoping that his father could change the rules, Yu Minhong was unmoved, and the son gradually became less obsessed with ice cream.
Not only living habits, in terms of study, Yu Minhong did not relax, his son likes to surf the Internet, likes to play games, as long as he is not at home, his wife is somewhat indulgent with children.
So Yu Minhong agreed on three chapters:
1. After writing homework, you cannot browse the Internet for more than 1 hour;
2. Playing games is easy to be addictive, it is strictly forbidden to play games;
3. When the son is writing homework, he cannot close the door, and his parents should supervise.
The son then asked, "What happens if the door closes?" ”
Yu Minhong was not stupid, knowing that his son was testing his bottom line, and said: "Then break down the door." ”
Seeing that the father's rules cannot be changed, the son will strictly abide by them. With good living and study habits, Yu Minhong's son was admitted to the famous University of Pennsylvania.
Freud once said: "The father in the eyes of a child is a superman who combines law, binding, majesty, and power." ”
The father is like a rope, restraining the excessive love of the mother, but also regulating the indulgence of the child, the child learns norms, boundaries, right and wrong in the father, without the addition of the father, love is incomplete.
It is the father's responsibility to take the child away from the mother's love. The purpose of education is to cultivate children who are moving towards independence and complete the gradual separation from their parents.
The father's first step in ascending to the throne is to do a good job of 3 role forces
The British writer Hubert said, "One father is better than a hundred headmasters." ”
The energy of the father is indispensable in education, and if the father wants to enter the family and approach the child, the first step is to do a good job in the three role forces.
1. Role model:
Former U.S. President Barack Obama, in the 21 months of his presidential campaign, still insisted on attending every parent-teacher meeting for his daughter.
His daughter wants to learn to swim, he personally becomes a coach, and his daughter wants to go to an amusement park during the summer vacation, and he finds time to accompany her.
As he said, "I can't be president for life, but I'll always be a father." ”
Her daughter, a Harvard graduate, has a wide range of hobbies, is confident and decent, and has fully inherited Obama's excellence.
The father is the original, the child is the copy, the premise is that the original appears in the child's growth, and if you want to play the power of example, the most important thing is to accompany more.
2. Ability to responsible:
I once saw such a post: he rowed someone else's car, there was no one around, plus it was remote, and there was no monitoring, he couldn't think of it.
But because he was afraid, he still told his parents, and his father immediately asked him to take him over, and through the phone of the car, he contacted the owner of the car, asked for compensation, and told him that these expenses required him to work in the family's restaurant.
In this way, he used a summer vacation to pay off the money, which left an indelible impression on him, and in his later growth, he never wanted to escape, and this kind of responsibility allowed him to gain the favor of his boss.
Professor Li Meijin said: "Without father's education for a long time, children will become difficult to discipline. ”
The father's love is bound, and the child is in it, understanding the responsibilities to bear, and will not hurt others with his own selfish desires.
3. Frustration resistance:
In the micro-movie "A Different Father", Hu Jun plays a father who has a car at home, but insists on walking with his son to school every day, regardless of wind or rain, and no matter how heavy his schoolbag is.
The two tried different roads every day to solve the troubles encountered on the road, such as encountering road construction and the road being blocked.
Hu Jun told his son to observe and think more, and his son thought that yesterday he was on the right road, and now this road connects with it.
This also teaches the son that when encountering trouble, keep a clear head and always find a solution.
When his son and his classmates were on an outing, he carried his teacher behind his back to find a secret base, but he got lost, but he came out of the deep forest with his observation of moss and the sun.
Fathers are more forward-looking, unlike mothers, and they want their children to try, even adventure, preferably with some setbacks along the way, so as not to grow flowers in the greenhouse.
Father's love is a supplement to maternal love, but also a sublimation, and children who lack father's love will also lack part of education.
Write at the end
"Sublimation in Love" says: "When each family member puts himself in the right position and manages every relationship with his heart, the husband and wife are loving, the children are filial, and the family atmosphere will be happy." ”
The father is not absent, and if he participates in the family, the mother will not be offside, and the child is naturally in a good position.
Education is the conspiracy of husband and wife's love, not a one-man show of one party. Strict kindness, leniency and strictness, mutual cooperation, mutual compensation, grasp the scale of love and discipline, tutoring is not far behind.
A good education is when parents work together to support the child.
About author: Bai Yi, rich book columnist, love travel love to write, thinking and footsteps always have a on the road, this article: parents read carefully, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, shall not be reprinted, infringement must be investigated
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