Just after Mother's Day, I saw a sad hot search video: #The son was accused of secretly buying flowers for his mother#.
In the video, the junior high school son buys his mother a bag of flowers on Mother's Day.
And the mother feels that the flower is not practical and lets the child return it.
Return the flowers and go home, and the child cries while looking at the learning materials.
After the video came out, netizens commented one after another:
"This kind of mother is really speechless."
"I won't receive any more gifts in the future."
"Children have to spend their lives healing."
The child has love for his mother in his heart and wants to express his gratitude to his mother with flowers.
Mothers are pretending that life is not easy and want to provide the best resources for their children with careful calculations.
The child in the video is not wrong, and the mother is not wrong, just handled in the wrong way.
The child gave love, but did not get the response he deserved.
In fact, this is also the epitome of many families.
Not long ago, a boy in Nantong, Jiangsu Province, saw that his mother's mobile phone was very broken but was reluctant to replace it, so he used his money to buy a new mobile phone to give to his mother.
In order to buy the right mobile phone, the boy went to the store again and again to inquire, compare, and put aside his face to bargain with the clerk.
But what he didn't expect to usher in was not his mother's happiness and smile, but an angry and angry face that accused him of spending money indiscriminately.
The child prepared a surprise for his parents with anticipation, did something that he felt was great, and waited not for praise and recognition, but for denial and suppression.
Not being recognized at the right time, getting criticism at the wrong time.
Gradually, some children no longer share with their parents, are unwilling to spend time creating surprises, and their hearts are getting farther and farther away from their parents.
What will criticism do to children regardless of the occasion and time?
Remember the mother Song Qian and daughter Yingzi in the TV series "Little Huanxi"?
Eiko's father created a secret base for Eiko with Lego models that Eiko liked.
After Song Qian found out, she ignored the child's apology and smashed all the Lego models in front of the child and her ex-husband, as well as her ex-husband's girlfriend, under emotional swings.
Song Qian supervises all the time, regardless of time and occasion, regardless of the criticism of the child's state.
In the end, Yingzi lost sleep for 34 days and left a message on her mobile phone: feeling that everything she did was meaningless.
The long period of suppression made Yingzi have the idea of jumping into the river to kill herself.
In life, critical education can be found everywhere:
You look at people, look at you, it doesn't make me worry.
What are you doing with all this useless stuff? You can't add extra points to the exam.
All day long, just want to play! What good university can you get into like this?
You just go on like this, I see that your life is over
It is as if parents always have the ability to be a reason to criticize their children no matter what.
The child fights with someone and scolds the child without asking why.
Seeing that other people's children are excellent, count the children regardless of the occasion.
The child already knows the mistake and still does not spare all kinds of criticism.
A friend shared with me the other day the story of his quarrel with his son:
The son of the second year of junior high school, he writes homework in his room at night.
A friend who had just returned home from overtime pushed the door in after knocking on the door and getting no response.
It turned out that his son was wearing headphones to watch short videos and was fascinated.
The friend who did not hold back his emotions scolded his son at the critical moment in the second year of junior high school.
At that time, the son said sorry with a pale face, saying that he just wanted to relax, but his friends still criticized all kinds of things, and even began to turn over the previous account.
Until my friend's husband heard the voice and ran over, saying that the child was not comfortable after eating and insisted on going back to the room to review, just wanted to relax, and did not do anything excessive.
A friend said that she was obviously only concerned about her child's learning and wanted him to have a better life in the future, but at that moment she felt that she was the most failed mother.
Criticism regardless of time, occasion, or state of the child is a disaster for the child.
Adults still can't withstand criticism, let alone for children who are still growing up?
The negative emotions generated by criticism cannot be resolved, and the behavior is prone to extremes.
The difficulty of education is often exactly:
We ignore our children's negativity and don't give them the help they deserve at the right time.
The biggest obstacle between parents and children is to express love through criticism.
Less criticism, more encouragement
The educator Socrates once said, "Education is to truly guide a person's heart and help him to become who he is."
What we lack between us and our children is never love, but encouragement and recognition.
Some netizens shared their experiences when they were children:
When I was a child, I never got encouragement from my parents, and when I did something, they all thought I couldn't do it well.
When I was in junior high school, I wanted to sign up for the radio station audition, but my parents directly said: You can't! Saying that my voice is not good, it is also for nothing, and it is easy to make people laugh.
After work, I was particularly unconfident, some opportunities that needed to be fought for I always did not dare to go, I felt that I was incapable, and I definitely couldn't do well.
Many times, parents hope to avoid frustration for their children through denial, but forget that their children are far better than we think.
Ever watched a video:
The little boy in the video was second to last in the class on the exam three years ago, and the father patiently asked the boy what was the last exam?
The boy replied, "I took the last place in the exam." ”
Father said gently again: "There is progress, is it good to go to another place next time?" ”
Three years on, the boy has counterattacked to become the first in his class.
Recognizing children's efforts and progress, and encouraging them to build confidence and move towards their goals despite difficulties is both respect and trust.
That's what encouragement means.
When a child expresses love to us, we gently accept it and tell him, "Mom loves you too." ”
When a child encounters difficulties, we firmly tell him: "I believe that you can solve it with hard work." ”
When our child achieves results, we proudly tell him: "Your efforts deserve this honor." ”
The caring program "Today You Work Hard" has this scene:
The children formed a choir and hoped to perform for their parents during the Mid-Autumn Festival.
When asked by reporters what they wanted, the children said most often that they wanted to be encouraged by their parents.
Dale Carnegie wrote in The Weakness of Human Nature:
"People are born with a love of encouragement, and treating children in this way allows them to grow up in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, gain confidence and become better."
When children experience storms and setbacks, parents' encouragement will be turned into their greatest courage and confidence, and sunshine will be born from their hearts to illuminate the way ahead.
Encourage children to excel
A reporter once investigated 29 college entrance examination champions in 21 provinces (cities) across the country and found that 93.1% of the top parents used encouraged education, while only 6.9% took spurring education.
You are awesome......
You are excellent...
These parents are afraid that saying too many words will make their children proud and complacent, and there is no directed praise rather than encouragement.
Encouragement is directed and helps children learn to move forward bravely without fear of difficulties in their efforts.
I once listened to friends around me tell the story of her encouragement to her children:
Children always fail when simulating physical tests.
One morning, as soon as a friend got up, he saw in front of the window that the child was practicing running in the community by himself.
When the child came home, the friend said while cooking:
"You took the initiative to practice running, hoping that you could pass the physical test results, right? You have your own plan, you can also manage yourself without worrying about your mother, with such ability, you will definitely be able to do well in the middle school entrance examination in the future. ”
Later, children plan their own learning every day, and problems that they will not know can be solved in time with their own methods.
The encouragement of parents is an affirmation of the child.
Affirm their efforts and progress in something, and inspire confidence and potential.
In life, children improve by 10 points in exams, and many parents only see 10 points.
And behind these 10 points, there are children's efforts, and perhaps progress in exchange for changing some bad habits.
Even small progress is sometimes the result of hard work in children.
Criticism and accusation are thorns in the parent-child relationship, forcing children into helpless and sad situations in the name of love.
The famous psychologist Alver Rader said:
"Encouraging praise is more important than anything else in the process of raising children."
Expressing respect with affirmation and encouraging the expression of love will lead to a more harmonious and comfortable parent-child relationship.
How far a child can go depends on the leader the parent.