This Sunday is Mother's Day, and here's a perhaps personal but not uncommon mother-daughter story.
One evening in 2013, the girl received a letter from her mother. Her mother is not as delicate as her father, and in her 14th year since she was born, this is the first time she has seen her mother's handwritten letter, which reads: "You have to listen to your father, and your mother will come home with a speedy recovery - love your mother." ”
Mother's handwritten letter. / provided by respondents
The family said that her mother was sick, and that was the first time in the girl's life that she was exposed to the word "breast cancer", but she did not know the pathology of breast cancer and her mother's condition, because her mother did not want her to see how she was sick.
Hopeful, she could not wait for the day when her mother recovered. One day in December, when it was raining heavily, she anxiously broke into the ICU, but did not see her mother for the last time. The desire to call for the mother again, in that moment was washed away by the rain along with the dust of the city.
Apparently someone told her that breast cancer was not terrible, and she didn't understand why things were different when she came to her mother.
Ten years later, she is now a woman. It was the 10th year of her life that the spectre of "breast cancer" had been with her, and she finally plucked up the courage to figure out what breast cancer really was. She wanted to see what kind of life women were living now for women who survived the disease.
On the afternoon of April 8, the girl, who was already a stunned reporter, participated in an offline breast cancer sharing meeting with a complex and slightly heavy heart.
From the moment she walked into the venue, the warm atmosphere shattered her stereotype of "seriousness" about cancer sharing sessions. Greeted by soft lazy sofas, beige carpets, lush greenery, and a dozen smiling women in the age range of 20-60.
On the surface, these "patients" are no different from themselves, and even have a little more vigorous vitality in their expressions.
According to the description of the event host, there are about 420,000 new breast cancer patients in mainland China every year, which means that an average of 1 person is diagnosed every 76 seconds.
As one of the most common malignant tumors in Chinese women, breast cancer is gradually becoming younger. According to the latest data in 2020, the number of new breast cancers in the world has now reached 2.26 million, officially replacing the 2.2 million new lung cancer as the world's largest cancer.
The number of breast cancers is increasing day by day. /Unsplash
However, not every breast cancer patient can be correctly diagnosed with breast cancer in the first place.
At the sharing meeting, a talkative girl F took the initiative to talk about her bumpy diagnosis process. Recalling F's journey to seek medical treatment, the reporter's ears seemed to ring her slightly incredulous and joking tone again.
"At first I didn't expect to have breast cancer. In the early days, I coughed really badly, coughing day and night, coughing up sputum with slight blood, there must be a place in the body 'broken', the doctor also said that my condition is very similar to lung cancer. ”
F, who was suspected of having lung problems, first ran to the Southern Hospital of Southern Medical University to register, check, and wait for the results, and then pre-hospitalized and waited for the doctor to arrange surgery for him. On the way out of the hospital, F sent a message to the leader, saying that the results of his examination were not very good, and he might have to undergo surgery, which was estimated to be lung cancer.
In the early stage of the disease, F always thought that he had lung cancer. /Unsplash
Two hours later, F received a reply from the leader, saying that he had helped her win a place in the respiratory department of Guangzhou Medical University. F, who had just paid the testing fee of the Southern Hospital, ran to Guangzhou Doctor to re-pay for registration. The surgical plan, which was thought to be ready, was again put on hold in a new round of examinations.
"At that time, it was found that there was a shadow under the armpit, and the doctor suspected that the swelling of the lymph nodes may be related to the inflammation of the lungs, and perhaps after the inflammation was completely healed, the lymph nodes would be gone."
F, who followed the doctor's advice, took anti-inflammatory drugs for two weeks under the doctor's advice, and although the IP antigen was still high after the review, when he saw the CT results of the smaller shadow in the lungs, F immediately happily finalized the travel plan with his husband.
Unfortunately, this upturn did not last. After returning from the trip, F began to feel more pain in both sides of her armpits, so she went to a nearby hospital again.
The doctor in charge of doing ultrasound at the time told her: "Doing armpits (ultrasound) is the same as doing mammary glands, it is better to do it together with the mammary glands." Because the hospital will not charge you only part of the B ultrasound fee according to the individual part. It is precisely because of this accompanying B-ultrasound test that F, who has always mistakenly thought that he was lung cancer, was diagnosed with breast cancer.
"What breast cancer looks or feels like." /Worldwide Breast Cancer,“What Breast Cancer Can Look&Feel Like,2017.Knowyourlemons.org.
Breast cancer patients like F who are diagnosed in the early stage of the disease are not a minority. At the sharing session, some women said that good doctors are often difficult to find, and their consultation rooms are always crowded with people waiting for medical treatment. There are also women who have the disease in the early stage but do not know it, they do not know what the signs of breast cancer are, so they miss the best time to save their breasts.
The presence of breast cancer has very different effects on women of different identities.
For many mothers, the moment they learn they have breast cancer, they try to hide the existence of the disease.
Xiao Liang, who participated in the sharing session instead of his mother, said: "It was not until my mother had successfully operated that I was notified that she had had breast cancer surgery. The mother was afraid that her only daughter Xiao Liang would worry about herself, so she hid the news from the whole family that she was going to go for surgery. But in Xiao Liang's view, failing to discover the abnormality in her mother's body was her dereliction of duty as a daughter.
"I'm in a foreign country, and my parents have always been good news and not bad news. When I finally returned to China, my mother, who could not hide her chemotherapy condition, carefully told me that she had breast cancer. Another patient's family member and international student Xiao Tang said. Looking at her loving and tired mother on her phone, her heart was mixed.
She wanted to blame her mother, why didn't she tell her earlier, why her family kept lying to her during this time. But 14,000 kilometers away, she could not do anything about her mother's illness.
She would always tell us that she was fine. /Alive Cancer Specialist Medical Record
Fear of unsuccessful surgery, fear of family worry, fear that I will affect the normal rhythm of life of those around me... A mother who chooses to carry everything is more afraid that the disease will "disturb" and "drag" those around her who love her than she worries herself.
For some young breast cancer patients, they are not afraid to announce to the world the particular challenge they are experiencing.
F, 33, is an engineer in the automotive industry: "I took a lot of sick leave during my treatment, but the work was done meticulously. I am a cancer patient working with a disease, and the annual work assessment leader not only did not give me recognition, but gave me a C. ”
Before everyone could send comfort, she smiled and reconciled herself: "But I took so much leave that the company turned a blind eye." It was my job to get the job done, and my boss didn't deduct my salary for my absence. What else do I have to complain about? ”
If you come, you will be safe, actively treat when you are sick, and concentrate on living a normal life the rest of the time. The words "I am a patient" are sometimes used for F to gain the upper hand when fighting with his lover, and sometimes to give himself more respite in the workplace.
In a relaxed atmosphere, the girls began to share unabashedly the things they encountered in the process of fighting cancer. "When everyone started chemotherapy, everyone said that they would lose their hair, but when I combed my hair one day, I found that the hair was combed less and less, and finally I simply shaved my hair completely, and I didn't give it a chance to fall out at all", "You know that the funniest thing about chemotherapy in the end is that there are few places on the whole body that are hairy." Because I still have to go to work, I draw my eyebrows every day. Today the eyebrows are drawn a little higher, tomorrow the eyebrows are drawn a little lower" ...
They are patients, but it's hard to associate those two words with them. They are patients, but that doesn't mean they'll have to live their lives as cancer patients.
They are more like strong warriors than patients.
"Preserved?" These were the first words of F who was pushed out of the operating room.
The husband shook his head at her.
In the face of disease, everyone is equal. /Unsplash
She didn't shed a single tear from the diagnosis to the operation, but she couldn't stop choking at this moment. At the beginning of the illness, the doctor judged that the lump on her affected side was small, and the surgical plan could consider breast conserving. Her husband learned shortly before the surgery began that doctors would not notify the family if the plan changed during the procedure.
"There is no choice for anyone but doctors."
She didn't understand why she was crying at first, but some things may only begin to feel sorry for the loss.
Giving up breast milk to save life is a choice that the vast majority of Chinese breast cancer patients have to make. A breast-conserving rate of less than 10% means that nearly 300,000 breast cancer patients in mainland China are facing the crisis of losing their breasts every year.
Symmetry - centered on a point or line, focusing on the shape, tone, and structure of the left and right. A symmetrical aesthetic of balance and harmony runs throughout. /Unsplash
Since ancient times, people have had a different aesthetic attachment to "symmetry". As an indispensable organ for human reproduction, the breast means that women have the function of nurturing life and is an important natural symbol of endless life.
Most women who have lost their breasts are afraid that the disease will make them lose their "femininity", and they are worried that this society cannot see their incomplete self with normal eyes.
Xiaoya, a family member of the patient, said: "After learning about her surgical plan, my mother took the initiative to ask the doctor to fill the back flesh into the breast. She was thin and had no excess fat to fill at all. The operation has not yet begun, but she is already worried that she will no longer be beautiful after the operation. ”
This mother knew in her heart that no matter what she became, her family's love for her would not change in the slightest. But even so, she couldn't escape the hurdle in her heart.
Women who are forced to lose their breasts have difficulty accepting themselves quickly. /"Mother"
Without special underwear, breast prosthesis or postoperative fillers, breast cancer patients who have lost their breasts face the possibility of special treatment every time they enter the public eye.
Functionally, the absence of breasts deprives women of the opportunity to breastfeed. From an aesthetic "beauty" point of view, breast cancer patients who lose one breast and do not have a breast prosthesis filling are visually mutilated and unbeautiful.
However, this desire to look like a normal person is a luxury for most breast cancer patients.
An aunt took out her breast prosthesis underwear from the yellowed canvas bag, "This one costs more than 2,000 yuan, and the most expensive on the Internet is more than 8,000 yuan." I also bought it for more than 6,000 yuan, and the webpage introduction said that it was used for 8 years, but the breast prosthesis underwear made of silicone is really heavy."
Financial difficulties, psychological distress, and breast-conserving surgery, which only occurs in miracles, have left women with breast cancer facing imbalances in all aspects of their lives.
The girl Xiao Liang whispered to reporters on the side: "I think three or four hundred yuan of postoperative underwear is already very expensive for ordinary families." Summer is so hot, you can't buy just one or two, then a few pieces will cost thousands of dollars. My mother didn't want to spend that money, so she still wears ordinary underwear. She knew that if she wanted her mother not to be treated specially, she would have to pay far more financially than ordinary people.
"Please make us less prejudiced and give us more freedom to choose."
Please don't "demand" them to look like normal people with your eyes, because they are in their truest and most normal state. Instead of making up for the missing parts of the body and giving them special treatment, removing people's prejudice against cancer patients can make us better embrace them.
As night fell, the girls hugged each other and left one after another, but their smiles were even brighter than when they came. Because they know the beauty of women and the bravery of women, they should not be constrained by whether the breasts are intact.
The evening when the startled reporter walked out of the building, just like that day, it was windy and rainy. Only this time, she no longer felt fearful and helpless.
One day, we will meet again. /"Mother"