You must have also participated in such a wedding: there is no shortage of worship and exchange of rings, and there are many wedding evening dresses and cheongsam dragon and phoenix skirts. A wedding with all kinds of wedding ceremonies in ancient and modern China and abroad, which seems to be comprehensive, actually loses its focus - everything you want is precisely the performance of not knowing what you really want.
Marriage is a major event in life, and marriage customs are also the most distinctive part of folklore. Contemporary China is a fusion of multiple cultures, people want to inherit the tradition, but also want to have the fashion of the times, but also hope to have self-expression, marriage customs are no longer unified.
Unified weddings are all the same, and ununified Chinese weddings have their own stories, which are particularly interesting.
Hunan Satellite TV's "Chinese Wedding - My Daughter Is Married" is such a variety show aimed at the wedding of ordinary people. One can see many social, ethical, aesthetic, economic and even management cultural elements from a wedding. In the program, a group of stars and planners plan weddings for ordinary couples, and also discuss the meaning of weddings, marriages, families and lives.
For example, at the beginning of the show, guests discussed the relationship between marriage and wedding. Does marriage require rituals? What is the significance of the ritual?
This is a thought for all those who are stuck in the hustle and bustle. The show penetrates the ritual itself, begins to take people to an in-depth discussion of marriage and life, and helps people clarify what is most important in their minds.
—— What kind of wedding is the best wedding?
——What kind of wedding is the wedding that the couple wants?
These two issues are often conflated, but their essence is very different.
In film and television dramas, it is often seen that the groom promises to "give you the grandest and most romantic grand wedding".
Look at this line of thinking: whether it is grand or romantic, it is the groom who "gives".
The marriage after the wedding is obviously a matter of two people, but why has everything become "given" by the man since the initial wedding?
The male perspective is always inadvertently revealed.
True love is not like that. True love is understanding and respect, and its expression is not "overbearing" I give you acceptance, but should be mutual listening and consultation.
This time, "My Daughter Is Married" rarely lacks the implicit hegemony of this male perspective and presents a truly "loving" look. From the beginning of the wedding planning, the question asked by the planning team was "What kind of wedding do you want"? The bride and groom have a lot of business, and the stars who act as planners also put down their bodies to listen carefully to the experiences and voices of the new people, understand their life goals and personalities, and design a wedding that truly meets their ideals.
The "listening" that touched me the most for a long time in the program was about the issue of family financial power after marriage.
From cross-talk to the Spring Festival Gala sketches, we see too many husbands with sad faces or forced smiles to ridicule that they have no money at hand, but they can also taste some hidden pride from their lamentations across the screen, and the real or false complaints often carry a little bit of connivance. After all, people who often laugh at themselves are the most confident, and the husband who openly says that his family's low status is likely to be just a "good husband" persona.
The male guests in the show did not stop at self-deprecation and self-deprecation, but asked the female guests very seriously: Why do you like to hold economic power after marriage?
A female guest thought about it and replied very seriously: because women are insecure in marriage, find some security in this way.
A topic that is easily laughed at does not slip into the conventional clichés, but becomes a real marriage discussion. Behind the modern fashion design of "strong women and weak men" is a strong shadow left by the tradition of "strong men and weak women" in the bones.
I was shocked to see that scene outside the TV, and then A little sad: the wife's strength is only to cover up the inner uneasiness, do the husbands in the marriage know? Ever listened? Ever asked?
This show, in place of many husbands, expectant husbands, and people who will become husbands in the future, asked and said it. For that alone, I think it has laid a good foundation for many marriages.
The basis of a good marriage is not only love, but also the ability to resolve conflicts.
Many programs have explored the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in marriage, but this program focuses on the contradiction between weng and son-in-law.
Many people more or less express the son-in-law's "fear" of the father-in-law and the father-in-law's "anger" of the son-in-law, but few people really sort out the essence of the contradiction between the son-in-law and the mother-in-law. "My Daughter Is Married" ingeniously designed a test of "Weng Son-in-law living together for three days", so that people can see how Weng son-in-law breaks the ice a little bit, and also see where the contradiction between Weng son-in-law comes from.
In the first episode, two pairs of sons-in-law appear: the groom-to-be's father-in-law has his own father-in-law, and he lives with his father-in-law and takes care of his elderly father-in-law. At the beginning of "living together", the son-in-law tried to contact his father-in-law in a way that cared about life and asked for warmth, but there was no good result.
This result has no connotations.
Asking for warmth is a way to ease the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Most of the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law arise from trivial matters in common life, and contact and tolerance are the first step to resolving the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. But the contradictions between weng and son-in-law are different. The contradiction between two adult men rarely arises because of the trivialities of life, so it is difficult to eliminate them through trivial life.
In the second half of "Living Together", the show shows us the fragile side of the seemingly strong father-in-law: the son-in-law accompanies the father-in-law to apply for a job, and the father-in-law is frustrated.
The show did not forcibly maintain the dignity of the two "being family" and let people see a chicken feather in the family, but the father-in-law took the son-in-law to appreciate the hardships of life and also showed his responsibility to the family.
In the face of his father-in-law's sense of family responsibility, Weng's son-in-law has truly realized the communication of the soul.
At this point, the program touches on the essential difference between the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law, the essence of the mother-in-law contradiction is the struggle for love, and the essence of the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law is the inheritance of responsibility.
These two contradictions reflect the two most critical foundations of marriage: love and responsibility.
At weddings, we talk about love the most, but in marriage, people should talk more about responsibility.
"My Daughter Is Married" sounds like a love variety show, but when you look into it, you find that it is more about love and responsibility, and the discussion with life.
Indeed, only when each couple wants to understand what kind of marriage they want, what kind of life, can they understand what kind of wedding they really want.