Wah Owen once said, "A woman's life is a history of love." ”
The importance of love for women is self-evident.
Therefore, when encountering true love, they often fight for themselves and moths to put out fires.
However, love is like a gamble, the bet is right, a lifetime of happiness; the wrong bet, a lifetime of suffering.
Therefore, whether it is a husband and wife or a lover, as long as it is a man with such a personality as the following, he must let go of love.
Otherwise, it will only ruin your own happiness.
01.
Controlling men
In marital love, too much control is a terrible thing.
Sometimes, its lethality is even more terrible than infidelity and domestic violence.
Men who cheat on them may be obvious to themselves, but a man who is too controlling can often hide himself well and unconsciously let people fall.
They tend to have these manifestations:
Like to criticize everything about you, will seize any opportunity to step on you, to demean your self-esteem;
Always belittling your friend, trying to cut off all contact with the outside world, always circling around him;
If you are not supported to do anything, you will find all kinds of high-sounding reasons to "brainwash" you, for fear that you will surpass him.
……
This kind of man always thinks that everything he does is for the good of the other party.
But they forget that this kind of love is not real love, for whatever reason, whatever excuse, when a man tries to control a woman, it means that the love in his heart for you is far less than his own selfish desires.
As the psychologist Carl Jung said:
"When love dominates everything, power doesn't exist, and when power dominates everything, love disappears."
After being with them for a long time, there was no happiness to speak of except feeling depressed and suffocated.
There is a girl who once shared her story on Zhihu:
Before getting married, she found that her husband's desire for control was very strong, but at that time she simply thought that he just cared too much about himself.
As a result, after marriage, her husband almost did not let her interact with the outside world, always suspected for no reason, and would call and insult her male colleagues in the middle of the night. Anything that exceeded his expectations and plans, he was prone to rage and madness.
I am even more disgusted, impatient, picky and choose...
In less than two years, she was "tortured" and desperate.
Men who really hurt you know how to love and respect you, no matter when, they are reluctant to see you hurt.
And the man who only cares about his own selfishness and unwarranted control over you will only plunge you into endless fear and despair, and the only thing you can do is to quickly get away from him.
02.
A man who doesn't know how to be grateful, selfish
How many women's heartbreaks begin with men's "deserved".
You pour out your heart and lungs to be good to him, but he accepts it with a straight face;
You have no temper towards him, but he has become more and more hurt;
You are thoughtful about everything for him, but he only covets his own pleasure.
This kind of man, without a grateful heart, will only use selfishness and coolness to return your sincerity.
If this is the case, why should you continue to pay and tolerate endlessly, and become a good target of bullying in the eyes of others.
Neighbor Mei Lan, married to her husband for five years.
She has always been responsible for the big and small things in the family, and even after having children, her husband has not taken the initiative to help once.
Every time the child cried incessantly late at night, when she asked her husband for help, the other party would only say impatiently: "Coaxing the child is originally a matter of motherhood. ”
An unsympathetic word made her heart instantly fall into the ice cave.
All inner grievances are not seen, and there is nowhere to vent.
Emotional mentor Tu Lei said:
"When a man starts to beat a rake upside down, says how busy I am at work, and then carries out logical reasoning left and right, then there must be something wrong with the man." 」
Deeply.
A man who doesn't know how to be grateful, no matter how many merits, is not worth trusting.
Fish know the water grace, is the source of happiness also.
Two people together, must need to take care of each other, thank each other, you think for me, I share for you, only in this way, can be happy for a long time.
03. The man who complains and is not responsible
The more incompetent men are, the more they like to complain.
They don't think about how hard they try, they just know that they complain about this and that all day long, and the whole person becomes particularly negative.
This kind of person cannot be responsible for his own life, let alone expect him to be responsible for you.
Taking care of the burden of the family and the responsibility of guarding the marriage, they will all be dumped on the woman, and even if they encounter a little unhappiness, they will blame the woman.
The husband of her friend Xiaoling is such an unreliable person.
He often brought home negative emotions at work and complained about the injustices of life.
And always inexplicably angry, a little thing can make him shout, and then start to accuse Xiaoling.
Once, because he did not get the best employee quota, he began to "make unreasonable trouble" after returning home, one would dislike Xiaoling for not cleaning up the house, affecting his fortunes, and then he would blame Xiaoling for cooking too loudly and interrupting his train of thought...
In short, he just doesn't look for reasons from himself, and only blames all the faults on others.
Over time, Xiaoling also became more and more desperate and more negative.
Hawking famously said:
"If you have a disability, it may not be your fault, but complaining about society, or counting on the mercy of others, is of no benefit." One should have a positive attitude and make the most of the status quo. ”
I think that the greatest sorrow of a man is to use complaining to release his emotions.
This not only does not get the sympathy of others, but it will only make people feel that he is incompetent.
As the old saying goes, those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black.
Stay away from the men in life who complain about others, and get close to a person with positive energy, and your life will be full of strength.
Men are afraid of entering the wrong line, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man.
Women must polish their eyes when looking for the other half, and must not be carried away by a momentary love.
Once you find that the men around you like to control you, don't care about your efforts, and only complain when they encounter things, no matter how much love you have to let go.
Haruki Murakami said, "The flesh is everyone's temple, and no matter what is enshrined in it, it should be kept strong, beautiful, and clean." ”
True love must be respectful, positive, upward, and if not, withdraw early.
After all, the rest of your life is still long, don't waste, don't be willing, be nice to yourself, leave your sincerity and feelings to people who deserve it, so as not to live up to the time, the future can be expected.