What exactly do parents who are too controlling have ruined their children?

Ms. L, a mother in her 40s, said her 12-year-old son had been dizzy, vomiting, sleepy, vomiting whenever he ate, and had lost 30 pounds. Recently temporarily suspended from school, went to the hospital for examination, there is no problem with the body, a doctor suggested that she find psychological counseling.

The mother said that the child does not like to learn, there are many friends, teachers and classmates like him, and they are not afraid of school, so what is the problem?

She behaved very sensibly, liked to be reasonable, and analyzed her son well, and thought that her analysis was correct.

When I wanted to know about some of the children, she interrupted me several times – you don't talk, listen to me first. And show this attitude: I know my son very well, and as long as my son listens to me, he will be fine.

Even before she decided to take her child to psychological counseling, she had already thought about how to "guide" the counselor on what to do.

At this point, I felt dizzy, a little uncomfortable and repulsive inside. I sighed, just listening to her for a short time, made me so uncomfortable to avoid, how painful her child should be.

When she is so strong that she forcibly pours her own ideas and ideas into the child's psychological boundaries, the child will instinctively resent and resist, but the speech is weak, and it is impossible to digest these emotions, vomiting, dizziness, drowsiness, etc. is a natural reaction. Maybe only when the child is "sick" can the mother stop and let the child have some space for herself for the time being.

How deep does a parent with too much control hurt their child?

Parents with a strong desire for control have two directions to cultivate: the child is either self-destructive, has no vitality, and can only passively accept the instructions of others; or rebels and flees, doing everything against the parents.

1

Children who have nowhere to escape

Song Qian, the mother in the TV series "Little Joy", is impressive, because her desire for control is too terrible - not only has a careful study plan for her daughter Yingzi, but also strictly controls her daughter's every move after class, hoping that her daughter can grow up according to her own plan.

In order to prevent Ying Zi from going to the university in the south, Song Qian had a very unpleasant quarrel between mother and daughter. Eiko was forced to breathe and was so depressed that she wanted to jump into the river to commit suicide. Crying and shouting his heart's words: I am just trying to escape from you.

Maybe Ying Zi also knows in her heart that if she does not escape her mother's control, her future life career marriage and children will be controlled by death, completely losing themselves and losing their choices.

In life, many parents control their children in the name of love, and this kind of love is too heavy and too suffocating.

These children can't hate their parents, they can't love their parents, they want to escape but there is nowhere to escape, the depression and powerlessness that can't be said in their hearts, they fall into depression, and they can hardly move.

2

Nervous breakdown of children

In the TV series "Female Psychologist", there is a female visitor Jiang Jing who thinks she has binge eating disorder.

Jiang Jing has won numerous piano awards and often attends various performances.

However, she did not like the piano, preferred drum kits. She didn't like the conservative dresses her mother bought, she liked the camisole. She has a boy she likes, but she has not been in a relationship until she is 30 years old.

All this is because of her mother.

Mom has been supervising and controlling her in every way.

Not only forced her to practice the piano. As a teenager, he still fed her food and brushed her hair. Thirty years old, I still don't care what she wears, where she goes to perform, and I haven't collected her mobile phone.

Years of repression until it was on the verge of collapse, which transformed into Jiang Jing's gluttony. Every time she felt anxious and stressed, she would fill herself with food. After eating, I was afraid of gaining weight and frantically went to induce vomiting.

The process of overeating and inducing vomiting is actually not the body eating and vomiting, but the repeated mental collapse.

3

Punish parents in ways that hurt themselves

There was a teenage client who was brought in by her parents for counseling because of depression, she often took a knife and slashed at her wrist, and she had a very controlling mother who took care of everything. At one point, she fell into severe depression.

She said that she was like a bird that had been locked in a cage, without her own thoughts, and what she did and said was wrong. I couldn't decide anything, and I felt my presence only when I cut myself with a knife.

She briefly controlled her body through self-inflicted wounds, even though the main body of the spirit was desolate.

There's a saying called "I can't hurt my parents, so punish them by hurting myself." ”

Because of the fear of punishment, but at the same time afraid of losing the care and love of their parents, they are even more unable to express their dissatisfaction with their parents, and they never dare to criticize and accuse their parents.

Under such double torture inside and outside, the child's heart often cannot bear it, so he will choose to hurt himself in exchange for inner peace and seek a sense of relief.

What is even more frightening is that some people are obviously adults, but they are still subjected to the spiritual manipulation of their parents beyond the limit.

One visitor said that his father was very controlling, so he fled far away as an adult. Her sister stayed at home, even though she was smarter and more capable than herself, but because of her father's entanglement and tying, her life was very bad.

Like Nina and her mother in the movie "Black Swan", a controlling parent who is almost morbid, treats her child as her puppet, she wants to "shape" her daughter, but in the end she also makes her fall to pieces.

It seems that Nina has become a "perfect" obedient girl under the control of her mother, but in fact it is all just a symptom. The rebellion of well-behaved women is much more terrible than those who have not learned well since childhood.

Guangzhou Listen and Listen To Bar Psychological Counseling Conclusion:

In the process of educating their children, many parents are accustomed to control, or use the authority of their parents to force their children, but forget that even the youngest children are independent individuals, with their own ideas and wishes.

Parents and children need to grow up together. If you want your child to have an independent personality, it is urgent for parents to learn to reduce their desire to control.

You know, in the growth of children, love and freedom are indispensable.

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