01
I have seen such a sentence: "The hardest thing to change is habits, the most difficult to control is emotions, the most difficult to deal with is relationships, and the most difficult to balance is mentality." ”
The world has never been absolutely fair, you own one house, others have two; you live in a small town, others live in the north, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen...
We all want to dominate the world, but we are always powerless and countered by the world.
Sometimes, the desire to control is like a house without doors and windows, imprisoned by not others, but yourself.
When we are approaching the age of fifty, our careers are small, our children are growing up, and we are slowly getting old. The Word is that fifty know the Mandate of Heaven; the Mandate of Heaven cannot be violated. You need to put away the "desire to control", let yourself go, and accept the imperfect life.
02
First, let go of the adult children and make them all well.
There is a saying about the relationship between parents and children: Hitting you hurts in my heart.
Children are the heart of their parents, and if they suffer a little, their parents will be distressed and will be eager to take the place of their children and bear everything.
Parents often say, "I'm all for your own good." ”
As their children grow up little by little, they need their personal space, their favorite jobs and lives. If you can't, you can only keep repressing, or run away from home, no matter which way you look at it, it's going to the extreme.
In the TV series "Little Joy", there is such a plot: the mother Song Qian has been holding the hand of her daughter Qiao Yingzi tightly. In order to take care of her daughter, the mother quit her job and concentrated on accompanying her; changed her daughter's room to the form of a floor-to-ceiling window, and was subject to supervision at any time; and ordered her daughter to go to a certain university or a certain major.
The daughter said tearing her heart out, "I just want to run away from you." ”
"Everyone is a unique person", why should children live as the shadow of their parents? Many times, the expectations of parents are really cruel, and there is no transposition at all.
When you're fifty years old and your children are grown, you don't have to do "laborious" things.
Opening the door of the house and allowing children to come and go freely is like letting a bird out of a cage. As for when the birds will return, feel free.
In fact, when the birds are tired and homesick, they will naturally come back without worrying too much.
03
Second, keep your distance from your loved ones and watch over each other.
Knowingly, a wife asked: Husbands often go to drink with friends, it is very late, and there is no one there. Really worried. However, not allowing your husband to associate with your friends will lead to disputes. Her heart is very conflicted, how to be good.
Netizen "Lentils" said: "Perhaps, you should go with your husband to meet those friends and give yourself some security." ”
In fact, husbands are safe, and insecure people are actually wives.
As a husband and wife, we should hold hands and have more companionship, but many times, we need a little freedom. Fifty-year-olds, not retired, still need to socialize, need to have a few like-minded friends.
Tu Lei, the teacher of love, said: "Unreserved love is not noble, it is a self-destructive adult beauty." ”
The principle of "seven points for loving one's neighbor and three points for loving oneself" cannot be forgotten by people of any age. That is to say, there are always three points that are selfish and irrelevant.
True love needs to be watched, not "kept." If you tie the other person to yourself, you lose faster.
04
Third, there is no need to control "others" and be less nosy.
A friend of mine, early in the morning, muttered angrily in the circle of friends: "Look, a woman, wearing a cheongsam to grow vegetables, isn't that bullying our intelligence?" ”
Obviously, friends deeply resent the behavior of wearing cheongsams to grow vegetables. In the traditional mode of thinking, people who grow vegetables can only dress plainly, and their clothes can only be coarse cloth, otherwise it will go against common sense.
With the development of the times, why can't vegetable farmers wear cheongsams and skirts and dress up fashionably?
Don't use your own small belly chicken intestines to guess the calm freedom of others.
The forest is big, and there are birds. Why should a strange bird affect his mood? For other people's things, don't control it, but laugh it off.
Even if you meet someone who is very upset, don't give a bad review, after all, you are just "your own opinion".
The older a person is, the more relaxed they are to see others. Times are different, people's way of life is different, you can have opinions, but more importantly, you must retain opinions.
05
Fourth, don't look at society and take the initiative to tolerate.
The writer Wang Yanyue wrote about this: For a while, he studied financial management.
After turning money into a wealth management product, worry about it all day. Once, seeing the rapid increase in money, he hated himself for being too timid to make a big shot.
Every day, I open a certain software and stare at my "money".
Suddenly, he found it very irrational to do so, very bitter inside, and wasted a lot of time. Gritting his teeth, he retreated.
No longer staring at the "money", let people have a kind of "cut off the love" of the happiness, full of comfort.
In society, there are many tempting things, there are many things that make people cry and laugh, and there are some things that hurt feelings, and you have no way to influence them.
For example, if someone goes to buy a house and pays a deposit, after half a year, information about the price of the house appears everywhere. As a result, he didn't sleep well all day, didn't eat well, and it seemed that his life had fallen into a trough at that moment.
As the saying goes: "The fittest survive, the unfit are eliminated." ”
We have no way to control society, we can only find ways to adapt to society and do what we can. Don't do anything beyond your cognition, or you'll get out of control of yourself.
06
In the second half, the only person you can control is yourself.
When you control something, a person, it's like putting a needle in the palm of your hand and holding it hard. The needle hasn't changed, but you're pricked very painfully.
Let go of your hand, the needle is still in the palm of your hand, but you are much more comfortable.
Someone said, "Whoever says blue represents sorrow, you look at the sky and the ocean." ”
There is a good side to everything, but we just don't look at it from the right angle.
After fifty years, if you have any power to return to heaven, it is better to go down the slope of the donkey.
Let go of others, love life, and then meet yourself.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.