He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Love has always been traceable, and neither is love.
In an intimate relationship, two people want to manage the relationship well, not by lip service, not by being lonely, but by both people willing to work hard for the stability and continuation of the relationship.
But in fact, most people are unable to control their feelings and do not have the ability to manage love.
Psychologist Gottman put forward a point that he believes that there are 4 reasons for ruining intimacy:
Criticism, contempt, defense, evasion.
Have you ever encountered such a partner and pattern of getting along in your relationship?
-01
"Critical Companion": Everything you do, is wrong
The critical partner is also known as the "accusatory partner" in psychology.
In my previous sentiment analysis, I talked to you about the characteristics of accusatory partners.
If your partner is a critical partner, then he will have these manifestations:
First: always hit your grades
You raised your salary, and he said: "Isn't it just going up this point, it's still not as high as mine, what is there to show off?" ”
Your child's grades have improved, come home and show you the test results, and you give your child encouragement.
And your critical partner says, "You're starting to be proud when you get this test?" ”
Whether it is feelings or family relationships, critical people are accustomed to hitting the achievements of others and always get along with others in a condescending manner.
Second: always taunt and taunt you
In the eyes of your critical partner, you are not good enough, you are not good enough.
It seems that no matter what you do, what you give, what effort you make for your feelings and family, he can't see the effort you put into it.
He only cares about the result, not about your efforts;
He only cares about success or failure, not how you feel;
He taunts you just for the sake of taunting without taking into account your self-esteem.
Even in some public places, he does not shy away from mocking and "looking down" on you.
Between the lines, it's all pride and prejudice.
-02
Always "contemptuous" your partner's efforts and affection
A consulting case comes to mind.
The girl left me a message saying: She was in a relationship with a boy for 3 months and left quickly.
The reason is that this boy is full of "Puxin" temperament.
So ordinary, and so confident.
The salary is not as high as that of girls, but they look down on girls all day;
The family conditions are not as high as those of girls, but they are accustomed to pointing fingers at the girls' families and disrespecting the girls' families;
I don't give much in my relationship, but I always think that I have given it all.
In this way, in just 3 months, she ran out of all her patience on boys.
The girl said:
"What I am looking for is a marriage partner that I can rely on, trust, and trust, not abuse."
Indeed, living with a partner who "despises you" can make you feel particularly unhappy.
Whether it's falling in love or getting married, what's most important?
Fit is important, happiness is more important.
If you are with the other person, you are not happy at all;
Before being with each other, you are confident and sunny, optimistic and cheerful, and full of expectations for every day of life;
But after being with each other, your emotions have fallen to the bottom, you are inferior and sensitive, and every day is a negative emotion.
What does this mean?
It means that you have been affected by the other party's bad mood, and if you don't change and don't stop the loss in time, you may get worse.
To be with people who are used to despising you and looking down on you is to "make yourself bored and ask for your own suffering."
The world is so big, there must be a partner for you, so why spend time on a "unworthy person"?
-03
"Defensive companion": you chase, he flees
What is a defensive companion?
Name implies:
When he is with you, he shows an attitude that does not trust you enough, loves you enough, and is unwilling to open up to you.
When you take the initiative, he always steps back;
When you give, he is indifferent;
When you want to develop your relationship with him further, he is there playing the fool and motionless.
This type of partner often manifests itself in the relationship is:
"Unwilling to communicate with you, unwilling to speak to you."
Like what:
You have sensed that his emotions are not right, and you want to talk to him and try to comfort him.
But at this time, his performance is: do not speak, do not explain, do not share with you.
Living with a defensive partner, the most intuitive feeling is:
Loneliness, helplessness, love is not answered.
-04
"Avoidant partner": habitual cold violence
Avoidant partners and defensive partners look similar but are fundamentally different.
Defensive partners, more of a silence, are not good at expression, it is a personality factor.
The avoidant partner, on the other hand, is avoidance, cold treatment, and does not care about your feelings in the heart.
What are the common manifestations of such people?
Every time you have a conflict, he must not speak.
You are patient and take the initiative to communicate, but he just doesn't pay attention to you.
You want to solve the problem and protect your relationship, but he just can't get in.
Are you angry or not?
It was obviously his fault, but he put on a cold, silent posture, making it seem as if you had offended him.
Falling in love with an avoidant partner is simply torture.
Even if you have all kinds of martial arts, in the face of his cold violence, they have lost their effect.
Today's Topic:
Have you encountered these situations in your relationship?
What other factors do you think affect relationships?
(Article with picture source network)