Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
As the old saying goes,
It is pointed out that diet and sex are the basic instincts and nature of human beings.
These two basic needs are also widely discussed in psychology, for example, in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, sexual needs are classified as one of the basic physiological needs.
Unlike eating, which can be done unilaterally, this behavior must rely on the cooperation of the partner, which adds to its complexity, so how to better satisfy this nature has become a hot topic.
There is no doubt that the harmony of sex life has a great impact on the well-being of the individual.
Many hospitals have departments dedicated to sexual incongruity, which also shows the importance of sexual harmony for people.
1. The main manifestations of sexual disharmony
根据英国BBC报道，心理学家Bain的研究（Mattay VS, et al. A common allele in the oxytocin receptor gene）显示，
Around 34% of 5,000 UK adults feel that their sex life is relatively harmonious and satisfying, while 19% say their sex life is not harmonious enough and has a negative impact on their daily lives.
Specifically, manifestations of sexual disharmony include:
Explicit presentations:
1. Differences in expectations between partners in the frequency of sex, which can affect the experience of sex between partners.
2. Partners have different expectations of duration, and the dissatisfaction caused by this time difference is high.
3. Differences in the methods and tools used in sexual acts.
4. There are significant differences in how both parties perceive the same movement or position throughout the course of this behavior.
5. There is a clear difference in the timing of orgasm between the two.
Implicit manifestations:
The so-called implicit performance refers to those behaviors that are not easily detected by the outside, which may be emotional or expectant, usually more subtle and elusive, and are mostly related to the psychological feelings of the individual:
1. During sexual activity, if one partner is too active and the other partner is too passive, this unbalanced pattern of interaction may affect the overall experience of sexual behavior for both partners, which in turn can affect the longevity of the relationship.
2. Repetitive and stiff movements, lack of communication, as if completing a task.
Although human beings need sex, they also need emotional connection.
If there is a lack of emotional penetration and mere mechanical repetition, then such a sexual experience can hardly be said to be positive or positive.
3. Establishing an emotional connection is often difficult to achieve, and most of the time, this behavior is an expression of emotion, and people use sex to show care and at the same time close the distance with each other and strengthen the bond between each other.
Sex usually doesn't just satisfy physical needs, it also satisfies mental and emotional needs.
If the sexual act does not deepen the emotional bond between the two partners, then the relationship may need to be reconsidered.
4. At the end of the day, if one party feels frustrated or lost, it is a sign that their emotional needs are not being met in the process.
When this need is not met for a long time, it is difficult for sex to become a positive experience.
2. Causes of uncoordinated sexual life
There are certainly reasons for the incongruity and mismatch in sex life, which will be discussed below on both subjective and objective levels:
Subjective level
1. Influence of physiological factors:
There are significant differences between men and women during peak periods of desire. Most women reach their peak of desire around the age of 30, while men usually peak their desire around the age of 25, after which the desire gradually wanes.
The reason for this phenomenon is that there are differences in the secretion of physiological hormone levels between men and women.
Sex hormone secretion peaks in most women at the age of thirty, while in men it usually peaks before the age of thirty.
This difference in timing is one of the reasons for many sexual inconsistencies, and as a result, the need for sex may manifest differently due to different secretions of physiological hormones.
2. The impact of emotions on the quality of sexual life:
There is no doubt that when people are in a positive emotional state, their behavioral choices, experiences, and perceptions of things are more positive.
A BBC study of sexual quality of life noted that when individuals are in a state of stress, cortisol levels that interfere with desire and sexual arousal increase.
Similarly, it is difficult for individuals who are in negative emotions to fully release their inner stress and devote themselves to sex.
3.性焦虑（Sexual anxiety）：
Due to lack of experience or lack of knowledge of oneself, it is easy to produce a series of anxious emotions when engaging in this behavior.
These emotions are unique psychological states when facing sex, and they can easily affect the quality of an individual's sexual life and experience.
However, this anxiety tends to be somewhat relieved over time and with increased sexual experience.
Objective level
1. Due to the influence of traditional culture, prejudice against sex still exists:
Influences from the cultural environment can also influence an individual's choices.
People's prejudice and discrimination against sex is, to some extent, a kind of moral kidnapping.
For example, there are beliefs that stigmatize and discriminate against sexuality, and when faced with this unspeakable moral kidnapping, it often leaves individuals facing a dilemma when faced with a choice.
On the one hand, sexual needs are human nature and instinct, and there is a natural desire to satisfy this need;
On the other hand, the moral conventions of society impose constraints on individual behavior.
The contradictions and conflicts between these two aspects can easily lead to false sexual shame.
Therefore, biases about sexuality and even sexuality can also influence certain choices and attitudes towards sexuality in an individual.
In an intimate relationship, the satisfaction of two people can also affect the coordination of their sex lives.
Obviously, the deeper the love for each other, the more satisfied they are with the relationship.
This, in turn, shows that when sex and love merge into one, the two will experience more positive and positive emotions.
In international studies on sex life and marital quality, one study has shown that:
When a couple's marital life is more harmonious and matched, their sex life will also show relative harmony and matching. And those couples who have an uncoordinated sexual life at the beginning will also have a more difficult time maintaining the subsequent marital relationship.
So, to some extent, a good relationship can make the sexual experience of the two people more positive. When both partners fail to reach a state of relative satisfaction in the relationship, their sex life is prone to disharmony and disharmony.
2. The two often experience setbacks in their sex lives:
It's easy to understand that when both partners continue to fail to experience the positive effects of sex, they may fall into a state of self-limitation.
This state will make them feel that it will be difficult for them to have a matching sex life in the future, and they will start to give up their efforts, and this self-limitation will affect their choices and decisions about their future sex life, so that the two of them will fall into a vicious circle.
3. Coping with a mismatch in sex life
According to the data above, many adults are in a state of mismatch in their sex life, and after understanding the reasons for the mismatch, there are several ways to solve the problem:
First of all, before having sex, both partners need to get to know each other well and understand each other's taboos and preferences in the process.
This not only allows both parties to feel respect and understanding for each other, but also deepens each other's feelings and indirectly improves the compatibility of sex life.
Secondly, when having sex, we should also explore gradually, not in a hurry, and it is a long-term process to explore and find the best way to get along and the most appropriate frequency in sexual life.
When you gradually find a way that is acceptable to both parties, the compatibility of your sex life will gradually increase.
Finally, positive feedback on this behavior after sex is crucial, and if there is a lack of communication and communication between the two partners after sex, as if they are completing a task, it will be difficult to meet future emotional needs.
In fact, hugging and proper communication after sex can invisibly deepen the intimacy of this intimate relationship, as well as deepen the emotional connection with each other, laying the foundation for future sex.
In short, sex and love are elements that human beings desperately need, and a well-matched sex life may be the kind of sex life that brings more positive effects to both parties, and may make each other's feelings deeper.
Regardless of the degree of matching sex, they should push both partners to a better stage.
When performance satisfies the needs of love, that is, sex and love become one, this is the most compatible sex life for both parties.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: sex life, psychology
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