Photo: Hippopx
Some time ago, the topic of "single people age faster" appeared on Weibo hot search.
This report from experts from Duke University in the United States "stirred up a thousand waves with one stone" on social platforms, with nearly 600 million views and 93,000 discussions.
The comments of netizens are also very interesting:
"This expert won't be my mother, will it?"
"Am I not in love?"
"Once you get used to being single, it's getting harder and harder to get off the list."
Indeed, single people may not want to get off the single, but they really can't get off the single.
As the "2022 Single Men and Women Survey Report" shows, in the single population, more than 60% of people have the desire to get out of singles, but helplessly, the social circle is too narrow, or the personality is too introverted, so that they cannot say goodbye to singleness smoothly.
In order to allow more people to find a suitable partner, Wuhan University also specially opened a "Psychology of Love" course, which exploded instantly as soon as the course came out.
This course is not to teach everyone how to get rid of the single, but to teach everyone how to have the ability to love, how to better break through their bottlenecks, and embrace every intimate relationship.
But it's not easy, as many people ask: How on earth should I open my heart to love? What is the best way to meet the opposite sex? How can I tell if the other person is my potential partner?
You may think that this requires a long time of professional study, but in fact, we can start by reading a book.
The book is called "Good Love," and the content is as easy to understand and easy to understand as its name. It's not inscrutable, because feelings aren't a complicated thing in the first place, it's some people who complicate it.
Photo: Hippopx
01
Why is it you who is single?
In fact, there are not many resources around us to get rid of the list, love websites, dating software, and the introduction of relatives and friends can give us a variety of choices.
However, the more choices you have, the more you don't know what you want.
An example in the book "Good Love" is that when the author was a child, he would occasionally go to his grandmother's candy store in London and enjoy a "candy feast".
It was a wonderful experience for a small child!
But when he was faced with countless candies, he quickly felt that all the candies tasted similar, so in the end, not only did he not enjoy many delicious foods, but even less than usual.
This phenomenon is summarized by the author as "more is less".
It is not difficult to understand that when there are too many choices, we will become particularly picky, and then fall into blind "selection", so it is difficult to see our true appeals.
Therefore, the first step to get rid of the list must start with understanding yourself, after all, those black and white values can really make our thinking one-sided.
Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang, who have been married for many years, belong to a model couple of love. The two have always been sweet and low-key, which is enviable.
Guo Jingjing is a world champion, but the family lineage between her and Huo Qigang is actually not small.
Guo Jingjing was born in Baoding, Hebei Province, and has received rigorous training on the sports team since she was a child, which is boring and hard.
And Huo Qigang, who was after the giants, was admitted to Oxford University with a straight A and grew up in Hong Kong's top social circle.
As the rich third generation of Hong Kong's top giants, Huo Qigang has a lot of choices, but he prefers Guo Jingjing, who belongs to a different circle from him.
When asked why he firmly chose Guo Jingjing, he said, "I was deeply impressed by her good quality and good habit of thrift and thrift. ”
It turned out that although Huo Qigang had a wealthy family, he was taught to learn to be thrifty since he was a child.
When he and Guo Jingjing first began to contact, he found that she was different from other girls, without the style of a rich and famous lady, nor the arrogance of winning the championship, but continued to have a low-key and simple attitude to life.
These qualities deeply attracted Huo Qigang, so he pursued Guo Jingjing hard for 8 years and finally achieved positive results. After marriage, they made progress together, and lived a very happy life.
Only by fully understanding oneself and understanding what kind of life one really wants in one's heart can a person find the right direction and not be caught up in too many selection criteria.
Photo: Hippopx
02
Single bitter, won't love more bitter?
There is a core idea in "Good Love" called the attraction effect, which means, "What kind of person you are, what kind of person you attract".
Some time ago, Zhang Jiani and Buy Chao changed emotionally, and a master of psychology on the Internet analyzed it like this:
Zhang Jiani's mate selection model is "whoever is good to me, I will marry", which is through a high concentration of "being loved" to determine his own value.
Waiting to be satisfied by others is a child's behavior.
Buying Chao is the domineering pursuit of "I don't care if you like me or not, but I just want to choose you", he is to save the injured girl and feel "needed", so as to determine his value, in essence, he is also a child who needs to be affirmed.
So in the relationship, these two are like children. The previous super sweet love was actually maintaining each other's self-esteem.
This also confirms the "attraction effect".
When we are in a bad state, it is easy to attract those who are also in crisis.
Figure/Weibo screenshot
Before falling in love, everyone must first allow themselves to grow, be fully prepared, and then invest in an intimate relationship.
"Good Love" teaches us that it is "projection" that allows us to pin all our dreams and hopes on others.
Only by straightening out one's goals for life and feelings can the state be renewed.
As the book says, "When you're in good shape, you attract people who are doing as well as you do."
Photo: Hippopx
03
How to have a quality relationship
This year, Youku's "Pet Theater" has increased by 20%; Love variety shows on major platforms are also becoming more and more popular.
The theme of love continues unabated.
Fu Seoul said, "I feel that there is a throbbing of love everywhere, and I also want to have a pure relationship with him in such throbbing."
Sure enough, people are full of yearning for beautiful love.
Some people say, "Love is metaphysics". But in fact, love is more of a science.
The book "Good Love" gives a lot of practical methods, the most important, there are three points:
First, enable effective social networking
The so-called effective social interaction is to abandon the form of online dating and online dating, and focus on real daily life.
You can try to meet someone you like through friends, work or common hobbies, such as if you like running, then try to join a running group; If you like writing, try joining the writing community and participating in some offline activities of writing.
These group activities, which are not aimed at finding a partner, allow people to let down their guard and face each other in the most natural and authentic state.
Second, don't be pessimistic
Many people feel that they are going to die alone, but in my opinion, finding the right partner does require the right time and place, so there is no need to rush.
Getting rid of your pessimistic state is the first step to getting rid of the single.
What's more, they will blame themselves for not being able to get rid of the list, and feel that they are not good enough to meet the right person.
In "Good Love", it is said that optimistic people are more likely to get off the list because they distinguish between facts and opinions, and will maintain self-confidence and the pursuit of love no matter what.
Third, expand your circle of friends
Each of us will have many friends in our circles, the Hungarian writer Friej Karis believes that we can connect ourselves with anyone on the planet through up to 5 intermediaries, and one of these 5 people is our acquaintance.
So, try to expand your circle of friends, maybe your true destiny is your friend's friend.
The more occluded, the more difficult it is to get out of the single.
Finally, be honest and honest with others.
Many romantic movies or novels always stage a script of love at first sight with high-value strangers, which can easily make us fantasize about ethereal things and ignore the real beauty around us.
From now on, being brave enough to express your heart may promote the occurrence of feelings.
In addition, the book "Good Love" also introduces 7 effective social skills, try it, maybe it can really change your state and find the right partner.
I hope that we can wake up in time, slowly understand the world, renew ourselves day by day, and one day, we will meet the really right person.
Click [Read Original] to purchase this book
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