Finding the right partner isn't as simple as finding someone to spend a lonely summer with.
It means finding someone with whom you can grow old and love for thirty, forty, fifty or even more years. Choosing someone to marry is a serious matter, and it requires a lot of forethought, responsibility, and honesty. But once you find that person, all your efforts are worth it and you can set yourself up for a lifetime of happiness.
If you're wondering how to find the right partner or spouse, take a look at a few ways below.
01.
Adjust your mindset
1. 1
Love yourself
Seriously, loving yourself before you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is the easiest way to make sure you're finding the right person. You don't need to be 100% happy with yourself, but if you're not happy with yourself, you could fall into the risk of being with him just because he makes you feel good.
In a sense, yes, the person you marry should "make you more complete" and make you feel complete as a person – but you should already love yourself and feel happy, and being with the person you want makes you feel better!
But you should be satisfied with who you are, what you do, and how you look, which will not only make it easier for you to attract others with your confidence, but will also make you look for someone who is equally awesome and will only make your life better, not the one who can only fill your dissatisfaction in life.
1. 2
Happy solitude (reasonably)
Let's face it, being single isn't so easy when all your friends are happily dating or getting married. You may want love more than anything in the world, and if you can't find it, you'll naturally feel lonely or sad. But loving alone time and finding ways to stay interested and excited about life without an object is part of loving yourself. It makes you feel better when that special person shows up!
If you are in pain yourself, it will be easy for you to be attracted to someone who is doing something for you, and don't mistake companionship for love.
1. 3
Gain some experience
If you found your first love at the age of sixteen, you are rare and lucky. But in reality most people don't marry their first, second, or even their fourth partner. Dating more people gives you an idea of how intimate relationships work differently, and it also allows you to see how many forms and dynamics an intimate relationship can have.
Although you shouldn't abandon your loved one for more options, if you just feel "happy" with him and have never dated anyone else, it's better to reach out to someone else first than settle down right away. Dating a lot of people can help you learn to compromise and will let you know in the future whether that person is really special to you.
Have some sexual experience and not hurt others. If you've had some partners before meeting the right person, you'll be more confident that your reaction is truly special. At the same time, if you end up marrying your first person and aren't really happy, you may spend the rest of your life wondering what's out there.
1. 4
Don't rush to settle down
When you don't settle down, you need to love yourself, love to be alone and accumulate some experience. People often settle down to avoid loneliness and be loved, even though they know it's not right. Another reason to settle down is that they've been with the same person for five years and realize that they "might as well" get married, because everyone is doing it, or because they've been together for so long, marriage seems like the only thing to do.
You should marry because it's what you want, not because it's what the other person wants, what your family wants, or because you're too afraid to say goodbye.
02.
Understand what you want
2. 1
Think about the qualities you want
While you may never know who is best for you until you decide to stay with that person for the rest of your life, you can really think about the qualities you want most in your future spouse before that. These qualities are so important to you that you hardly think about someone who doesn't have them. Here are some things to consider when choosing a spouse:
1 Religion.
2. Family values. Do you desire to have children, or do you refuse to have children?
3 personality. While you can't predict someone's personality, there are a few things that are necessary for you. You have a good sense of humor, then you need someone who can laugh like you; You get nervous easily and need someone who makes you relax. Keep these points in mind as you look for the perfect partner for you.
4. Attitude towards interpersonal relationships. Are you looking for someone who wants to be with you all the time, or someone who understands "being alone"? This is more important than you think.
5. Social interaction. Do you want someone who is interesting and has many friends, or a conservative person who has only a few close and loyal friends? If you're a courtesan and your partner prefers quietness, it can happen that you bring out his sociable side or become a problem between the two of you.
6. Similar hobbies. While the person you love is not obligated to cater to all of your interests, or even many, there should be some common interests between you that are part of keeping your relationship alive. If you're a novelist and your loved one refuses to read, or if you're a fitness trainer who has never been to the gym, you may feel like there's nothing to say. But it can not be like this, people will change, (intimate relationships need to change for each other).
2. 2
Think about qualities you don't want
The qualities you don't want objects to have are as important and critical as the qualities you need. As you start looking for your soulmate, you can think about things that absolutely break the bottom line that will make it impossible for you to continue the relationship anyway.
！ Here are some things to consider:
1 is not attractive. Physical attractiveness can be boosted, but it is not overrated. While you may not want to rip off your husband's old shirt, you also have a baseline level of attraction beyond which you can be attracted. Even though this person is a good fit for you in every other way, sadly you can't force yourself to like anyone.
2 Lack of consistency on things that are important to you. If you are a liberal and he prefers to follow the steps, then there may be problems between you. But you can't imagine -- you can have so different opinions on some things. However, if there is something that defines who you are and your future spouse is difficult to understand, there is likely to be a problem between you.
3. Offsite. You may have found the love of your life, but he probably lives in Hawaii. If you really live in a different world and you don't want to change under any circumstances, then the relationship will die.
2. 3
Learn to compromise
While making a list of what you want and don't want can help you better understand what will make you truly happy, the truth is, you'll struggle to find someone who meets all your needs – but that's okay. The right person for you will be to make you happy and even fulfill some needs you didn't know you had.
Don't turn away a person because they can't meet all your needs. It's unrealistic, and being too picky won't get your relationship far away. If you know that a person can't meet the needs that really matter to you, don't be with them. While you should be flexible, don't stay with him if you know he won't end up giving him what you want.
Find a balance between being with the right people without sacrificing what's important to you.
03.
Don't look for objects in the garbage heap
3. 1
Ask your friends
Many couples meet because of mutual friends. While this may seem unlikely, you may end up marrying your friend's cousin or ex-roommate. You can open up to recommendations from your friends, who will know your personality and who they feel is a good match for you. Or you can go with friends to a party that might have a suitable partner.
Don't be shy – a friend's knowledge of you may inadvertently help you find that Mr. Right.
3. 2
Find a partner who shares your interests
Shared interests can make a relationship flourish, so watch out for anyone you share your interests, whether you're a cute guy you see in front of your eyes in yoga class, someone reading your favorite book in a coffee shop, or that girl in a graduate class. Shared interests can be the starting point for an exciting relationship.
Shared interests will also make for a lighthearted opening line for the first date between you, and if you both like something, you can do it together and see where it goes.
3. 3
Find a partner at work - but please do not break any rules
It is well known that more people are met at work than they think. This makes sense: on a given day, you may spend more time with your co-worker than everyone else, and if you love your job, then you and that person may have similar interests.
While you shouldn't be keen to pursue your co-workers because it could violate your company rules, if you're really attracted to someone in the workplace, be open to the possibility that that person will eventually become an object – as long as you follow the company rules.
3. 4
Find objects on the web
Online dating has become the easiest way to meet a future spouse. Online dating sites can narrow down your options based on shared interests and other important qualities, and people who join these sites tend to be more serious about finding a life partner. About 20% of relationships currently start with NetKuo, so don't be shy about jumping on the bandwagon.
Even if you are upset about this option, give it a try, and if it doesn't work, you can terminate it at any time.
3. 5
Wherever you go, stay open
It's true: You really might meet your future husband in a loud, smelly bar. While unlikely, the perfect person can come to you at any time, so don't blindfold yourself at the wrong time. While it's not so good that you're looking for your soulmate at a company meeting or funeral, you should be open to the fact that love happens almost at any time. If you are receptive, then more people will want to know you.
04.
Make sure the relationship is working properly
4. 1
Make sure you are inclusive
This is very important for the relationship. That soulmate passes every future mate test with honors, but when you're together, you may find that just something is missing. Maybe you just don't really "understand" each other; Maybe you always end up quarrelling; Maybe you just find that the two stay together for a few minutes and then run out of words.
If you don't accept these defects, you don't accept them, and there's nothing you can do to change them.
Sexual attraction is different from this inclusive mind - it will disappear. Inclusion means that your personalities really work well together, and that inclusion can contribute more to your relationship
4. 2
Give the relationship some time
While you may want to stay in a relationship for twenty years, you shouldn't marry your soulmate two weeks after the relationship began. Marrying someone you've only known for a few months or a year is very dangerous, even if you have a lot of "feelings." Give the relationship plenty of time to understand that your feelings aren't just based on attraction, you can go through some of life's ups and downs together, and you can really see happiness in going through a lifetime with that person.
You might think you're still so determined a few months later, but that really doesn't give you enough time to understand the relationship thoroughly.
4. 3
Make sure it's mutual
You may be absolutely obsessed with your true destiny, but you need to be sure that he feels the same way. Or – you need to make sure he's not already crazy for you when you just feel "happy." Neither of you should be crazy about each other and be very excited that you will be together for the rest of your lives.
4. 4
Make sure you can be yourself
While marriage will naturally change two people as they become more connected, make sure that you can truly be who you are and not force you to be someone you want to be. If your friend or family member tells you that you don't look like you when you're around him, that's a bad sign.
But if you really can't be who that person wants to be, you'll know because you'll feel like you're holding back.
4. 5
Have the same long-term goals
You may enjoy being with that person for a year or two, but you should make sure you both have the same vision for the future – whether it's settling in a nice house with two kids or traveling the world to become a nomad together. Although life is unpredictable and no one can exactly do what they want to do, if your expectations for the future are very different, your relationship will have a lot of trouble.
4. 6
Imagine that person in your future plans
If you do find your spouse, then you should be able to imagine spending the rest of your life with that person. It could be a long time, so make sure you really want to see that person grow older, have children with that person (if that's what you both want), support each other's careers or other pursuits, and become a true life partner. "I do" means "I really want to be with you forever", not "I do want to be with you for a while".
If you really can't imagine the rest of your life without that person, then congratulations – you've found the right partner or spouse. Start an incredible journey now!