Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
Some people say that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an eternal problem, and there always seems to be unsolvable entanglements and contradictions. Some people also say that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can't be handled at all, and no matter how hard you try, it's useless.
However, perhaps we should think differently on this issue.
The best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not only intimacy, but can maintain a just right "it doesn't matter".
The "okay" here does not mean indifference or distancing, but a healthy distance of mutual respect and non-interference.
As the ancients said: "There is a degree of intimacy, and the distance is appropriate." ”
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is no need to force a mother and daughter, nor do you have to deliberately keep a distance, but on the basis of respect and understanding, find a way to get along that makes both parties feel comfortable.
01
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you must always understand the positioning of your role.
A mother-in-law is not a mother, and a daughter-in-law is not a daughter. We can't expect the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship to be as intimate as the mother-daughter relationship.
There is a blood bond between mother and daughter, while mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are more family relationships formed because of marriage.
Therefore, both parties should consciously adjust their expectations and not confuse the mother-in-law relationship with the mother-daughter relationship.
Don't fantasize that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be as close as mother and daughter, which is basically impossible.
Therefore, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should learn to respect each other and allow each other to live according to his ideas.
After all, everyone has their own way of life and preferences, and forcibly imposing one's own will on the other will only cause contradictions and conflicts.
As Schopenhauer said, "Respect every man, no matter how humble and ridiculous he may be." ”
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, try to respect each other, don't interfere too much in each other's lives, and don't try to change each other, then getting along with each other will be much easier.
02
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, timely communication and exchanges are required, but they must keep their distance.
Although communication can solve problems, excessive communication can also lead to strained relationships.
Because, some topics and things need to be silent between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and there is no need to get to the bottom of everything.
Confucius once said, "Too much." ”
In the communication between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we should also grasp a degree, not only to maintain occasional communication, but also to avoid some sensitive topics, not to mention too close, speak unscrupulously, you can avoid many meaningless disputes and contradictions.
Moreover, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also need to learn empathy.
Try to consider the problem from the other person's point of view, understand the difficulties and difficulties of the other party, be more objective, and don't carry too much emotion.
Then, when encountering contradictions and disagreements, they can be dealt with in a more calm way.
As Shakespeare said, "A good heart is gold." "A kind and considerate heart is often more able to resolve the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Also, between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you must know how to be grateful.
Be grateful for the other person's contribution in your own life, even if it is very small, but also look at it in your eyes, and don't take the other person's contribution for granted.
If we can all treat each other with gratitude, then the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will have a chance to become more harmonious.
03
In the present moment when the pressure is far away, each of us is running for life.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as a part of the family relationship, should be operated with more heart and work together to create a warm and stable "big rear".
I hope you can remember that the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not intimacy, but maintaining a just right "it doesn't matter".
You have to understand that this is not indifference, but wisdom.
In this way, we can find a trace of peace and comfort in our busy lives, and spend every ordinary and beautiful day together.