Mom gave me a "no-list"

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Mom clearly put forward the "minefield" that she did not want, which can effectively avoid falling into the pit every time we make a choice.

Every year before the arrival of important days such as Mom's Birthday, Women's Day, and Mother's Day, when other friends are thinking of a "must-buy list" to send to my mother, I always look different. Because, my mother first gave me a "no list".

Image source: Visual China

"The big paparazzi you bought last year, don't take the whole one, it's too much space, and it makes me very anxious to clean it up."

"The multi-functional pot you bought blindly before is too wasteful, me and your dad usually can't use it for cooking, and the kitchen is fully equipped."

In my family, my mother's outspoken and "ruthless" people will not fall down for ten thousand years. This is very good, she clearly put forward the "minefield" she does not want, which can effectively avoid falling into the pit every time we make a choice.

At the same time, my mom rarely offered her favorite gift. On the one hand, she, like many mothers, really doesn't care much about the "sense of ceremony" of her children's gifts. On the other hand, my mother in life is a pursuit of "fun" and live, a positive attitude towards life, usually see the things you like is not entangled, directly order to own; once interested in delicious restaurants, fun travel destinations, she will also be in time to fully experience, live comfortably without screwing.

Therefore, in the face of such an independent and sunny mother, choosing gifts is indeed a technical difficulty. After all, I need to work harder to explore her deep "spiritual needs" than the material that is easy to obtain.

This "exploration" was not easy, and I accidentally "unlocked" some new experiences. In recent years, because of the epidemic, I have hardly had the opportunity to return to my hometown, and it is not convenient for my mother to come to see me. On the eve of Mother's Day this year, for the first time, I felt strongly that when a mother pays attention to the recent situation of her children, her "sense of synchronization" is far stronger than the "sense of comprehensiveness".

For example, in the first quarter of this year, I was extra busy at work, calling my mom and spending most of my time talking about recent work projects. Every time I called, I quickly completed the process of "writing a weekly report + doing prediction", and very seriously "swept through" the new dynamics, thinking that my mother had 100% of the information "dry goods".

One day, when I was showing my mother a video of my newly purchased electrical appliances, my mother at the end of the mobile phone video suddenly exclaimed: "This epidemic has lasted for a long time, and I am unfamiliar with the space in your home." ”

It occurred to me that every time my mother came to my house, she always went out of her way to appreciate the subtle arrangements and asked me with great interest the story behind each decoration. For her, the spatial structure of the home is not the existence of physical significance, but the "story field" condensed by warmth and human taste. Knowing these stories can lead to a sense of familiarity.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, my mother is looking forward to seeing a daughter who is still living a sunny and powerful life and pursuing self-meaning, and is also looking forward to listening to me "synchronize" at any time to share the new stories of the time left in my family in the flow of the four seasons.

The happiness contained in this "sense of synchronization" is also reflected in the display and "collision" of each other's interests and hobbies.

Image source: Visual China

A few years ago, on my mother's birthday, I gave her a tablet, but she said she wasn't used to watching drama on a small screen. Recently, my mother wanted to watch two of my Amway web dramas, so she used my account to log in to watch the drama.

I found that she maintained the rhythm of one episode a day, so I mentioned it during the call: "Ah, did you brush up to the seventh episode of that web series?" This sentence made my mother come to be interested, and she opened the conversation box and talked endlessly for a long time.

My mother, who was used to watching dramas at home and only "complaining" with my father in real time, instantly turned on the "synchronous drama chasing + verbal barrage" mode with me. She also jokingly asked me: "Is this what you young people often call 'cloud cinema' and 'cloud party'?" ”

From this, I think this idea is very feasible. In the days when I was cut off from the line by the epidemic, I still want my mother to feel the joy of "synchronous reunion"! For example, when I usually go out to walk my dog, walk in the green, punch in an interesting small shop, and brush the drama to watch movies, I can completely let my mother get a "sense of presence" and "sense of participation" at the same time, rather than "lagging make-up lessons" and "dry reports".

As I grew older and the personal and social contact continued to expand, I gradually understood that the "expression" you directly received could not be used as the only basis for dealing with interpersonal relationships, especially in the "intimate relationship field", if you rely too much on "superficial information", it is easy to cover up each other's real spiritual needs and "gaps".

Young people like me, who are far away from home and have started a family in a big city, rely entirely on video calls and WeChat messages to keep in touch with their mothers on weekdays. The emotional needs of mothers for their children are often hidden in seemingly casual words in an incomparably low-key, euphemistic, and bleak way. If you don't pay attention, you can't hear clearly and you can't see.

For me, sending blessings to my mother every Mother's Day is not only a process of exploring her spiritual needs, but also a process of "following" my mother's life coordinates with her own growth scale. When you were a child, you thought that a gift represented the meaning of a festival. But when you grow up, you will know that this is the beginning of your closer to another heart.

Written by/River Sakura

WeChat Editor/Huang Shuai

Produced by China Youth Daily and China Youth Network