Wen | Zhu Shengyong
When divorcing, the three most important questions are how to heal the wounds, how to divide the property, and who will raise the children. When you solve this problem, you can start a new life.
Today we will talk about how to make decisions in the face of three issues: trauma healing, property division, and custody.
First, after the divorce, how to get out of the heart.
When divorcing, a very core problem is to deal with the problem of emotional disconnection, because you have been married for many years, even if the marriage is not good, there is emotional attachment.
This is why many people after divorce, always remember the previous things, from time to time to recall the ex-husband, think he is also very good, and even some people impulsively want to remarry.
I have seen a case before, this wife divorced her husband for a year, the child followed her, and then the lover became pregnant, and the man also married her, but after marriage, they often quarreled, the man found his ex-wife, the two people began to miss their previous lives, he promised his ex-wife "You give me time, wait for me for two years, I figured it out with the woman, we will remarry."
So the ex-wife waited for 2 years, and everyone's children were born, and it was impossible to divorce.
You see, if you don't heal after divorce, then you will easily fall into it, not only can not enter a new life, but also lead to secondary trauma.
Second, the division of property.
When divorcing, there is a very real problem - the division of property. Since they are all separated, don't feel embarrassed to talk about money, sit down and talk about the division of property.
I've seen a lot of women who don't dare to talk about money, they choose to get out of the house for their children, but think about it, many people are in their 40s at this time, how can you work at this time? What is the income? If these are difficult to sustain your life, have you ever thought about the consequences of leaving the house?
Of course, we hope that more men choose to go out of the house for the sake of their lovers and for the sake of true love.
You know, if a man doesn't have a deposit, his charm will be greatly reduced. Many people may not understand, because the lover says to the married man "as long as you divorce and marry me, I don't care how much money you have, I only love you, we are true love", in fact, the lover who can say this sentence is also very naïve, when they really enter the marriage, these words are all left behind.
If you choose to get out of the house, think about it, how much do you buy a house in your city? Do you have the ability to do that? Therefore, women must be clear, when divorcing, do not care too much about face, do not be polite, this time the law is on the weak side, the other party will take less, you must seize this opportunity.
There are also some men who are reluctant to give money at this time, so be sure to find a better lawyer.
Third, should the child follow the father or the mother.
Many women are obsessed with their children, even if she has no job, no income, no place to live, she also wants to raise children.
This will cause a result, after the wife gets the custody, because the income is small, she can not give the child a good education, and in the poor life, people will be easily impulsive, she may vent her temper on the child, she does not have more energy and attention to the child.
I've seen too many people fight for custody, but they can't afford to raise themselves, and they throw their children to their parents. This not only pains the child, but also pits his own parents.
Many wives may ask "So what should I do?" "At this time, either you improve your parenting ability, or you give custody of the child to the other party, you know, even if you are divorced, he is still your child, even if the man is married, you are still the mother of this child." 」
Some women cry and say, "I can't live without children, I can't live without children", but are you really unable to live without children? Did you live a painful life when you were childless?
In terms of custody, we all have only one goal, that is, to "be conducive to the growth and development of the child", we should not tie the child around, the child is not anyone's private property, he is not a tool for your revenge.
You know, the other party is also the child's biological father, he also loves the child, maybe he loves the child in a different way than you, but he will also give the child the best education and love.
In the event of a divorce, we have to deal with these 3 issues, and you may start a whole new life.
Author: Zhu Shenyong, Fudan MBA, founder of the School of Marriage Management, author of the best-selling book "Governance of Extramarital Affairs"