Wen | Zhu Shengyong
I often see a question backstage called "My husband is back, but our relationship is still very cold, when can we fix the relationship?" "I'll give you an analysis.
What changes will men experience when they return? There are 5 situations in his relationship with his wife.
First, there is estrangement.
This situation mostly happens when the man has not really returned, he still has resistance to his wife, he still longs to be with his lover in his heart, in this case, even if he goes home, he still does not talk to his wife and ignores his wife.
Second, the state is weak.
The wife communicates with him, he will also answer, but he is still defensive, you ask him whether he and his lover have broken up, he has a perfunctory answer, but will not explain, ask the wife for forgiveness.
If his wife asks him to help with something, he is impatient with "I don't want to do it, and you don't want to do it."
Third, still struggling to break up or get a divorce.
At this time, he was still thinking about how to contact his lover, and the man had a thought for a while: "I think we don't love now, or do we divorce?" But after thinking about it for a while, he hung his head again, with a look of pain on his face, "I thought about it, but I still can't let go of you and the child."
This kind of tangled man will also make the wife very painful, she is not sure whether the husband can really return, not sure whether the marriage of two people can go on.
Fourth, he was afraid of not being accepted after his return.
This kind of man longs to return to the family in his heart, but he is afraid that after he goes back, his wife has been endless, grasping this matter and not letting go, he is afraid that after returning, he will be sneered at and degraded.
Fifth, the heart is determined to return.
This kind of man is more mature in heart, he really wants to return to the family, he is very determined.
Even if the wife is very anxious and asks him if he has contact with his lover, he is willing to prove that he will send positioning when he travels, will send photos and videos with customers, when he works overtime, he will take the initiative to report, and what needs his wife has, he is willing to take the initiative to meet.
If a man wants to return to the family, what stages will he go through?
Stage 1: You must first make sure that "we are still husband and wife, and we all want to live this marriage well and make this family happy, which is our common goal."
Don't be suspicious of each other, men don't think, "Isn't my wife ready to forgive me?" And women don't keep wondering "Is he a fake return?" Although the wife will suspect that it is normal, you must also learn to accept the husband.
Stage 2: In the process of men's return, how far should the intimate relationship develop? That is, although we have doubts in our hearts, but the other party is willing to resolve this doubt, the wife wants to see the lover, the husband will organize a tripartite meeting, the wife wants the husband to prove that he loves himself, and the man must prove it with actions.
Stage Three: Men can actively see the pain of their wives. Some men are reluctant to mention marriage again, seeing that their wives are very painful, he not only has no comfort, but will break out and scold, "I am not returning to the family?" Why are you still crying and crying all day? "He can't see the trauma in his wife's heart, he can only feel bored with the way she is now."
Stage four: The husband has derailed the past, and the goal of the two people now is not to solve the betrayal, but to rebuild the marriage, that is, to solve the contradictions that occur in life, to re-establish a new mode of getting along.
This stage is to break the once scarce marriage model, and the two people are now very close.
For example, in the past, when there was a conflict, there must be a big quarrel, and now two people will try to communicate, and we will express our views to each other and be willing to accept each other's points of view.
Stage Five: The final stage of the repair of intimate relationships, at this time, you are very comfortable with each other, you fully recognize each other, the inner card point is also broken, encounter problems, you can respect each other, accept each other, this is an ideal state.
Author: Zhu Shenyong, Fudan MBA, founder of the School of Marriage Management, author of the best-selling book "Governance of Extramarital Affairs"