Wen | Zhu Shengyong
After divorce, many women not only did not live the life they wanted, but also became more anxious, and even appeared "Why did I divorce so impulsively in the first place?" How good would it be if we were to remarry? ”
Especially those who have ended their marriage but still live together, they have divorced, but they still get along according to the husband and wife model, they trap themselves in a false relationship, it is impossible to get out of pain and enter a new life.
If a woman wants to get out of the trauma of divorce, she must heal.
There are three kinds of healing here: healing divorce, healing marriage, and healing the human heart. After doing this, you can adjust your state, wave your old marriage, and enter a new stage.
First, heal divorce.
1. Freedom to marry and freedom to divorce.
There is a very important concept in marriage: freedom to marry, freedom to divorce.
But most people feel that divorce is a failure and a shame, so some people dare not divorce, even if their marriage is worthless, they will still live on it, and they still want to maintain the shell of marriage.
Know that divorce is humane, and it is your chance to choose happiness again.
2. Divorce is the basis for starting a new life.
After the verification of daily life, your bedroom movement is not harmonious, your life goals are inconsistent, your marriage concepts are different, the life patterns are different, etc., so living with a person who has no solution, you cannot live a good marriage.
Divorce is a stop-loss and is the basis for you to start a new life.
3. Divorce can end a bad life.
Divorce is an irreconcilable conflict between you because your marital relationship broke down and you can't get more from him.
Without divorce, you can only consume each other in this marriage, without any benefit, and end the bad life to move on to a new life.
Second, heal marriage.
Although divorced, we still need to heal the marriage, and marriage here refers to your perception of marriage.
1. Recognize that marriage will not be once and for all, and that marriage needs to be upgraded.
Many people think that getting married is all right, compared with before marriage, like a changed person, this kind of person feels that they have completed the task of marriage, and then only enjoy life. People who do not have the sense of marriage are often hurt by marriage.
2. Recognize that marital problems are normal.
Many people always have a wrong perception of marriage, they feel that life after marriage must be harmonious and beautiful, if there are often contradictions and quarrels, it proves that two people are not suitable.
People with this mentality often do not understand human nature, and what we call human nature includes arrogance, laziness, rage, jealousy, greed, overeating, and sex.
Everyone is tired and powerless in marriage, and they will look for satisfaction, and when they look for it, they will find the outside.
When you know this and enter the marriage again, you can look at the conflicts and contradictions in the marriage with a more mature perspective, so that your marriage will become happier and happier.
3. Recognize that second marriage is also an option.
Our society has a prejudice against second marriage, thinking that people who are married for the second time have problems, and people who have no problems will not divorce.
In fact, when you seriously reflect on yourself after divorce, carefully sort out the marriage, and have a more mature view of yourself and marriage, you can know what kind of person you are suitable for, and you can distinguish what kind of person is a good man.
If after the divorce, you still do not reflect on yourself and the marriage model, no matter how many times you are married, you will not be happy.
Third, heal the human heart.
1. Correctly understand the reasons for divorce.
Divorce is the result of influence exerted by both spouses and cannot be discussed by one person alone.
If you can't heal your heart, you will fall into a deep inferiority and helplessness, you will reduce your own value, and you will put all the problems in your marriage on yourself.
A lot of women start to improve themselves after divorce, which is no problem, but you want to figure out what the reasons for self-improvement are? Did you think you were bad to improve? This thinking is problematic.
When you hold this kind of thinking, you will fall into inferiority, and learning in inferiority will never really be promoted.
You know, he was attracted to you before getting married, which proves that you meet his criteria.
2. Look at the future with a positive mindset.
Some people get divorced and feel like the rest of their life is ruined and there's no hope.
In fact, divorce only represents the end of your previous marriage and has nothing to do with your future.
A person who has lost confidence, a person who has lost his fighting spirit, a person who has no expectations for the future, his life is already like this.
Healing yourself, getting out of your inner limitations, that's what matters most.
How your future is depends on how you know yourself, how you know your previous marriages, and when you know both well, your future is definitely not bad.
Author: Zhu Shenyong, Fudan MBA, founder of the School of Marriage Management, author of the best-selling book "Governance of Extramarital Affairs"