Wen | Zhu Shengyong
People reach middle age, many couples have lost their passion in marriage, they feel that they are only insisting on the children, if you also feel this way, you must know what the meaning of marriage is.
If you don't understand the meaning of marriage, sooner or later your marriage will encounter a crisis, and you will not be able to live.
The essence of marriage is life, it is the trivial matter of your daily life, it is your life's work, it is also your practice, and it requires you to maintain a high degree of integration.
The biggest difference between marriage and love is that marriage has to face reality. When you are in love, you have a high degree of freedom, you can live in a naïve mess, and if it is not appropriate, you can break up without burden. And in marriage, you need to bear more things, children, car loans, parents on both sides, etc., and even if the marriage is not good, your first reaction is not divorce, but how to save.
In the eyes of many people, they feel that they are old husbands and wives, it is normal for their feelings to be plain and plain, and marriage is to turn love into affection.
This kind of thinking is terrible, only those who are related by blood are called family affection, because they have a natural link between them, but there is no relationship between husband and wife, when you really have turned marriage into affection, what do you rely on to maintain intimacy?
If you want to find the original intention of marriage and find intimate feelings, you need to think clearly about these four things.
First thing: Why are you in love?
Love is not natural, the essence of love is to take, because the other party can meet many of your needs, such as emotional value, psychological value, spiritual value, physical value, etc., and others can not give you these satisfactions, which is why you have love.
Second thing: What's at the heart of your marriage.
Here I ask you the question, "What do you rely on for your marriage now?" I believe that most people will answer "I am for the children, if it were not for the children, I would have been divorced a long time ago" and "If it were not for my parents, I would have been divorced a long time ago"
Is that your answer?
A strong marriage needs to have a core, but most couples get the core task wrong, they feel that the child and the parents are the core, but the child is only a by-product of your marriage, he will eventually leave, you can't tie him up.
Get the core wrong, and your marriage will have loopholes, cracks in the relationship between husband and wife, and the relationship will become estranged.
Therefore, after entering the marriage, you must always remember that the core of your marriage is husband and wife, and your relationship needs to revolve around the relationship and needs of the husband and wife.
Third thing: What is your original intention in getting married?
After some people's marriages enter a flat period, the two sides begin to look at each other unfavorably, thinking", "How did I look at him in the first place?" "More and more I feel that I have looked away at the beginning, and I can't think of the other party's slightest goodness, which is to forget the original intention."
When you can know and love each other from countless people, you must have some kind of strong mutual attraction.
Recovering this trait can heat up your marriage.
Fourth thing: what kind of marriage you want.
What does the marriage you want look like? What is the life you want to live? The answers to these questions will allow you to find a goal to build together.
For many people, marriage is like a second life. The first life is when your parents give birth to you, you can't choose your birth, you can't choose your parents, but marriage is something you can choose, and a good partner can heal the wounds of your original family.
What kind of person you choose determines what kind of life you will choose.
If a person likes to eat, drink and have fun, it is estimated that it is difficult for him to put his mind on the family.
If a person's lifestyle is cautious, then his marriage is estimated to be difficult to humor.
So, if you want to have a marriage that is harmonious and warm and can bring you growth, you need to tell each other that two people are developing in this direction together.
All the passion will fade, what we have to do is not to maintain the passion, not to treat the passion as affection, but after the impulse and passion recede, we can still clearly know the goal of marriage, see what we want, and find the original heart of love, which is an effective way to maintain feelings.
Author: Zhu Shenyong, Fudan MBA, founder of the School of Marriage Management, author of the best-selling book "Governance of Extramarital Affairs"