Wen | Zhu Shengyong
I saw someone leave a message in the background asking a question:
I have been married to my husband for 11 years, and although there are many small quarrels in my life, I am still very satisfied. But last year, I found that my husband was in touch with his ex, I confronted him, he swore that he would not divorce, said that the ex and her husband are now divorced, he just comforted her, usually only chat, absolutely did not cross the line.
They were college classmates, and I had seen pictures of this ex from college, young and pretty, very temperamental, and in good shape. I was afraid that my husband would be moved again.
Teacher Zhu, I have been married to my husband for so many years, my husband still can't forget his ex?
Today, we will analyze the inseparable psychology of men and lovers.
First, you can't forget the experience of passion.
After entering marriage, life will gradually stabilize, and some freshness and excitement will also be reduced. Communication between husband and wife always revolves around children, houses, and tickets. And these topics are not only boring, but also stressful.
After the ex appears, the man will recall the things that made him passionate in the past, such as when two people first held hands, when two people hugged for the first time, when two people first met their parents...
In contrast to emotions, men will feel relaxed, happy, and able to be themselves with their lovers.
Second, we can't forget the beauty of the beginning.
The former re-emerges in front of him, and the good old days will emerge.
For example, they were college classmates, there was no burden and no trouble when they were young, and that stage itself was relaxed and cheerful, and he naturally felt that he was very good before when he recalled it.
After the reunion, the lover cooked him a meal and bought him a gift, and the man felt that she had nothing to do with him, but he was still so good to him, and he was grateful.
Thirdly, there is still possessiveness towards the predecessor.
Men have a kind of cognition "she is my woman one day, she will always be my woman, I can look for her whenever I want, I will definitely snatch her over".
We had to separate for some reason, and now that I have money and I have the ability, I can't let go anymore.
Fourth, obsess over a certain characteristic of her.
When a man appreciates a certain characteristic of the ex, this feature will always be remembered in his mind and linger.
The above case, this ex is young and beautiful, it is very likely that this man has been remembered for several years, even after such a long time, this ex has lost his former youth and beauty, the devil's figure, the appearance has not been as good as before, this man still wants to have her.
Fifth, there is a serious crisis in marriage.
Your marriage has irreconcilable problems.
There is also a client, he has been married to his wife for 5 years and has become speechless, why? Because every time he put forward his own ideas, his wife would go back, thinking that his ideas were childish, thinking that he was short-sighted, and he was very depressed.
For a long time, they have no desire to communicate.
But when he is with his ex, his ex will care about him, take the initiative to ask him what he thinks, even if his words and deeds are childish, the ex will praise it as cute.
Even, after the extramarital affair is exposed, the woman will blame him for "why are you derailed?" If there is a problem between us, you directly say ah, I can't change it? ”
Did he not say it? No. He has said it many times, but his wife has not changed anything, and the problem has not been solved. And the problem can't be solved, he will find someone to chat with, drink, look for, find the ex.
Speaking of which, do you think about whether this is the case between you?
Sixth, the predecessor took the initiative to pander.
Your husband has a rekindled old feeling with his former, not only does your husband have a problem, but the woman may just need your husband.
For example, she recently encountered some things, may have just been divorced, helpless, remembered your husband's gentle and considerate; may have just quarreled with her husband, so ran away from home, but also wanted to find someone to chat and vent, after reuniting with your husband, they recalled the beauty and sweetness of the past, and then someone said"If we were married, wouldn't it be very happy?" "Guess and guess and get together again."
In reality, often people only remember the pain of the moment, can not see the happiness of the moment, do not remember the pain of the past, the memories of the past are filled with beauty.
Seventh, there is a soil for the breeding of extramarital affairs.
Reconnecting with the ex requires several conditions, and there are ways to get in touch at any time; both people have problems in their respective marriages; their respective partners are also indifferent to the marriage, and they do not find out about their partners' problems in time.
In this environment, they can be unscrupulous.
Eighth, the impact of the unfinished complex.
There is also a situation, that is, the relationship between husband and wife is no problem, and the marital state is also very good, but this man has been unwilling after breaking up with his lover, and he has an unfinished complex.
Before, maybe he didn't have the ability and confidence to pinch this woman, but now he feels that the time has come, so he pursues her like crazy, just to give an account to himself, just to prove himself.
Finally, let's summarize that men's obsession with their exs is mainly these 8 reasons: can't forget the experience of passion; can't forget the original beauty; still possessive of the ex; obsessive about a certain characteristic of her; there is a serious crisis in the marriage; the ex takes the initiative to pander; there is soil for extramarital affairs; the influence of unfinished complexes.
Author: Zhu Shenyong, Fudan MBA, founder of the School of Marriage Management, author of the best-selling book "Governance of Extramarital Affairs"