In the face of cheating and betrayal of extramarital affairs, usually we are accustomed to cursing the shameless and immoral behavior of the third party, but few people will rationally face the reality of marriage change, can not analyze their strategies and means, in fact, women must understand that in the face of extramarital affairs, the most despicable is the betrayer, and the root that leads to their inability to change their misfortune is themselves.
Don't get me wrong, this is not the victim guilt theory, but the woman in this situation, being able to find the answer in a third party is the key to the problem, if you can clearly see the problem, she is your teacher, whether you want to keep your marriage, or regain new feelings, is a very important factor.
If you don't know how to get your husband, look at what women outside of marriage do, you get it.
The existence of Xiao San is like a mirror, which reflects the problems of mutual relationship and the essence of marriage.
Just like Xu Huanshan in "Thirty Only", the wife of the family, Gu Jia School Flower Xueba, is an expert in the family, but also a helper in the career, but it is still caught by Lin Youyou, who is not outstanding.
So an extramarital affair will generally have its development direction and process, usually will go through these stages, if you want to save the marriage or do not want to cheapen the intruder, then you can crack it.
The first stage is attraction
The third party may not necessarily need to surpass the wife, but the key is that she knows how to "differentiate attraction"
What is differentiation, the beauty of the home outside the ugly or ordinary is the difference, the fat outside the home is the difference, the wife at home strictly pursues self-motivation, the woman outside gives him freedom and space, not forcing or making trouble is the difference, so different places are the first stage of attracting men.
The sense of difference will make men have a sense of freshness and even existence, Xu Huanshan's wife at home takes care of everything for him, but he runs to help Lin You have furniture, do the coolies that men should do, a sentence you know everything, it seems to satisfy the vanity of men, but it is also because of the difference between the two women, so that he has a sense of pleasure.
The second stage is "creating hunger" or even "panic"
Man can't be too good, dogs can't be fed too much, and when everything is taken for granted, he really won't cherish it anymore.
And it just so happens that this type of woman will clearly let the man know that he has the charm and comfort he needs, and often enter the second stage. Ling Ling in "The First Half of My Life" used this trick, the two had an underground affair, when she found that the other party could not make a decisive choice, and she had already let the man know his "value" in the early stage, he would take the initiative to retreat and advance, and regain the control.
She said that she planned to return the man to Luo Zijun, but in fact, she just wanted to create a sense of panic among men, and this kind of relationship that was about to die would increase men's impulse to make decisions.
Of course, before entering the second stage, this woman must have used a unique trick instead of blindly betting.
Although Ling Ling's appearance and temperament taste are not as good as his wife, but she let the man see the obvious difference, she also used a small trick, so that the man experienced the feeling of being cared for, and also clearly saw the woman's self-motivation and positive side, from time to time to a little surprise, not too clingy, not long-winded mother-in-law, but the interval will make him miss.
The third stage helps him break through the "shackles"
Divorce is a big deal, it is even more difficult for men, after all, the loss has a complete family, and more of his own part of the property, so the premise of men cheating is not divorce, but in the end let him make up his mind, in addition to the wife really has unforgivable problems, more from the decisions that people around him help him make.
However, this woman helped men cross, and the first shackle and the first means was "moral restraint"
Tell the man that this is not his fault, it may be that the wife is not considerate enough for him, it may be that the wife is not suitable enough, or it may be that the man is wrong with himself, in short, she will try her best to help the man get rid of the guilt of betrayal.
The second small means, women will try their best to collect "evidence" to prove that the other party does not understand men, to prove that men are not easy, to prove that his departure is not completely sorry for the lover, to rationalize the relationship with seeming facts, and to help exonerate each other.
At the same time, she will add a third small means, that is, to value, and use a high-sounding reason "love", all people and things, not as great as love deserves to be valued, this hint, until the other party also feels so.
Clearly let the man think that the feelings he once felt have faded or that he is just living together, and at this moment he and that person are true love.
The ideas she conveys will make men feel that betrayal is not a lack of virtue, and they are also wronged by the instinct to save themselves. It can even make men decide that it is the third party who is not loved, and letting go is a respectful and responsible decision.
Once the man has successfully opened the shackles of the spiritual world, coupled with the original unforgiving and hysterical tossing at this moment, it will also accelerate the choice of men.
Stage IV "Disclaimer"
Think about what Lin Youyou said in "Thirty Only", she blames her wife for restricting men's diet, restricting his entertainment and liking not to let him play football, and she is the woman who cherishes men and understands that men cherish men.
It was the wife who was too strong to be betrayed, to sum it up, roughly
Up to now, even if it is discovered, the wife cannot complain, but can only complain that she has not cherished it.
It's all their fault, they didn't control their feelings and fell in love with men uncontrollably, and once women get mad, it is easier to cause men's pity and desire for protection.
In fact, she especially respects you, and even cherishes your children, after all, children are innocent.
Let the man know clearly, she understands that men are entangled in pain, but all this has no choice, if she can do it, she is willing to bear it
Those who can do this step are generally not low, but whether they can succeed in the end actually stems from the wisdom and attitude of their wives.
When the wife has the same family value as Gu Jia, as well as the calm and calm in the negotiation process, then even Ling Ling's high-ranking green tea is difficult to successfully enter other people's families. So in a way, the person who finally completes the primary three may ultimately be the victim's original wife herself.
After all, people's IQ, experience, and many uncontrollable factors are too many to generally say that there must be no problem in understanding these duan marriages, but as long as most of the small three duan tricks and getting along processes are clear, it is not impossible to control the master control of the relationship.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.