Marriage is like a birdcage with golden paint, the birds outside the cage want to live in, and the birds inside the cage want to fly out; so the knot is separated, the knot is separated, and there is no innings. This is a passage in Qian Zhong's book "Siege of the City", which looks very grounded, after all, when love reaches a certain realm, it always wants to use marriage to promote the greatness and loyalty of a love. But do not know that love is very romantic, but when the romantic atmosphere is brought into the marriage, if the two parties in love do not adjust themselves, it may become a siege of marriage.
The failed marriage between Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo in a recent hit TV series "Dear Child" is very telling.
How much love you have had, how much you will hurt. Zhu Zhu, a third party who seems to be Xiao Lu's derailment, makes a big fuss at Hehe's birthday party, exposing Xiao Lu's one-night stand and causing the two to divorce.
When Fang Yinuo really wanted to get a divorce, it was a bit comedic.
On the one hand, there was the persuasion of everyone, including Fang Mama, who began to coax on the side and began to persuade her to think about it before making a decision, of course, on the other side, Zhu Zhu kept handing over the knife: Your marriage has long been in trouble. Is there something wrong? When Fang Yinuo, who was a teacher, began to reflect continuously, he found that this was the case. The root cause of the problems that really caused their husbands and wives was not Xiao Lu's cheating on a third party, but the problems in their marriage. In particular, the birth of Hehe has made the potential contradictions between the two people constantly amplify and accumulate results. Fang Yinuo still wanted to understand, and said something like this to his girlfriend Lei Wen: The moment he wanted to divorce Xiao Lu, all he thought about was the chicken and dog things in his mind, so without Zhu Zhu, they would also come to this step, and they were not the original us.
Why aren't Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu the original ones?
If their marriage is eventually dissolved, if traced back, everything has roots, and everything has been buried in the trivialities of life. These two originally wanted to run the marriage well, but they accidentally pushed each other farther and farther away, and eventually could not reconcile. It can be said that the defeat of marriage is never about the third party, but about how the husband and wife get along. Lack of empathy and understanding, coupled with a lack of communication, may be a common problem between many couples.
01 all say that children are the crystallization of love. For the birth of a child, although it is a mother's good friday, it is also a very festive event. However, from the time the child is not born, the hidden dangers have been opened. As far as empathy is concerned, Xiao Lu has done a very bad job.
There is a detail in the play, Yinuo has been waiting for delivery, but Xiao Lu received a call to have a job to deal with, Yinuo directly let her husband go home to be busy, and as a result, Xiao Lu turned around and left.
What does Yinuo want? I want companionship, although my mouth is very hard, I still hope that the other party can know. Seeing her husband's hurried back, Yinuo unconsciously sighed: Really go? At this time, Yinuo is contradictory, on the one hand, to show the generous side of the wife, not to delay the husband's work, on the other hand, when the husband really wants to leave, he feels lost. At this time, if Xiao Lu has a little empathy, he can completely say good things, the work is not the first, the wife is the most important thing, stay by the side to accompany, that may make the husband and wife's feelings go further. But what did Xiao Lu do? Even if you really need to go home to work for a while, you can go back to accompany Yinuo after the work is over. As a result, I was drinking and watching TV at home, and even fell asleep directly on the sofa, almost missing the birth of my child.
According to the family, it should be Xiao Lu's business, but let Yinuo's mother sign it, and at the moment when Yinuo needed it most, Xiao Lu was already absent from the first half.
And what is even more funny is that Xiao Lu thought of sending a placenta to his mother, and before his wife could send it out of the delivery room, he took a step first, which made the nurses sigh: This husband is also too out of tune, right? For the mother of the normal birth, giving birth to a child is no less than running a marathon, and what is most needed at this time is the company of relatives, but the husband is still absent. Just through the mouth of the nurse to express the mood of Yinuo, this husband is also too unreliable.
In the play, Xiao Lu missed this opportunity, but stupidly waited at the door of the delivery room, and only after receiving a phone call did he know that his wife had been sent back to the room, which made people cry and laugh.
There are too many details of such a lack of empathy in the follow-up, and Xiao Lu's performance is too bad. Even if the work is tired, the child is not just a matter of wife and sister-in-law, but also needs to do a part. There is a detail in the play that Yinuo feeds the child, when he wants to drink water, he can't wake up Xiao Lu, or the sister-in-law has experience, and sends a cup of warm water over, which makes Yinuo very moved, and even cry.
Why cry?
In the hardest and most tired time, it is necessary for her husband to accompany him, even if you pour a cup of warm water, and these Xiao Lu have not done it, but they are not as good as an outsider. Without contrast, there is no harm. And these poorly performing details will slowly accumulate, and when they accumulate to the end, they will produce a qualitative chemical reaction. Of course, Xiao Lu's inadequacy is part of it, and Yinuo himself has some problems, so that the contradictions slowly accumulate more and more.
02 The empathy between husband and wife is mutual, far from being a one-person affair. Yinuo's biggest problem is that he takes the child too seriously, directly making Xiao Lu feel left out. This is also the mistake made by many novice mothers, saying that the child is a piece of meat on the mother's body, although it is separated from the mother's body, it will still hold the mother's whole mind. And Yinuo is a typical example of this, all the thoughts are all on the child, and the child is worried about the little problems. As for what kind of ideas Xiao Lu had, it was completely ignored.
There are several such details in the play, when Xiao Lu wants to make love to Yinuo, Yinuo can't bring up any interest at all.
After all, it belongs to a normal man, but it is constantly ignored by his wife, and he still has some thoughts in his heart. Of course, there is something more heart-wrenching behind it, because Yinuo is too worried about the child, and he accuses the sister-in-law of the month in many ways to take the child, resulting in the sister-in-law directly running away and not doing it, and causing a storm in the matter of taking the child. Logically, in the maternity leave, Yinuo plus Xiao Lu's mother can completely take care of the child, but the somewhat unreliable mother-in-law caused trouble, resulting in the mother also retiring early to help with the child. As a result, a large group of children all poured into a room, turning Xiao Lu into a sandwich biscuit, and both ends were angry.
Xiao Lu was also helpless, the intention was good, let the family have a good time together, but did not consider the problem of their respective personalities and living habits.
Tired from work, coupled with coaxing the old one every day, but also coaxing the small one, almost made him collapse. This is also one of the reasons why, hearing the child crying, Xiao Lu would rather stay in the car and sleep than go home. The birth of the child caught the unprepared couple off guard, after all, no one is born to be a parent, Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu are constantly moving forward in the chicken and dog jump of life. As long as both parties find problems and have empathy and communicate more, they may be able to solve many hidden problems in advance. However, the contradictions are slowly accumulating and cannot be released, like a pot of hot oil, constantly heating, but no one has thought of turning off the fire. Until a drop of water falls into the oil pan, triggering the final crisis.
03 The presence of Zhu Zhu as a drop of water only detonated the couple's problems in advance. The authorities are confused, and the bystanders are clear. Fang Mu is right: You two communicate like this, which is like a husband and wife, the whole is a shared house.
There wasn't much to say between the couple, and even Xiao Lu was thinking about the somewhat rebellious and cute Zhu Zhu in his mind at breakfast.
After all, he and Zhu Zhu were very relaxed together, although they were talking about work, they got along very well. Xiao Lu didn't have much love for Zhu Zhu, just a temporary escape. On the other hand, Zhu Zhu began his magical operation with wishful thinking, making a one-night stand. How much Zhu Zhu really loves Xiao Lu, personally, he doesn't feel much, more like using the other party as a tool to rebel against his mother. Otherwise, with the thinking of an adult, it is completely impossible to run to the full moon seat of Hehe and make a big fuss. Such a disturbance actually intensified the contradictions between the couple, and eventually triggered the crisis of the two and Yinuo's reflection on marriage. What's wrong with them? The point is that in the past, there was a lack of empathy and communication, so that contradictions have been accumulated and cannot be released. It has been vividly displayed in the bridge section where the two people split their family property, which can be said to be a flashpoint for the release of a contradiction, which makes both sides very hurt.
Although the two are divorced, they are very sad and seem to be able to get together and disperse.
However, when Yinuo began to divide the family property, a contradiction was triggered, and he said everything he did not want to say before and that he wanted to settle the account after the autumn. The two had another big fight, and it was very unpleasant. Through this, it can also be seen that the road of the couple has long come to an end, but the two sides have been holding the words in their hearts and not saying them. In the end, the two broke up and made a lot of chicken feathers, really let people sigh that the love that was once over, the marriage that once looked happy became a joke, was it really a third party who defeated the marriage?
Life goes on. The child is the child of two people, which can never change the fact, so even if the two are incompatible, there will still be inextricable connections. As mentioned earlier, although marriage is a siege, it is gilded, so the knot is separated, the separation is knotted, and there is no round. Although Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo's marriage is over, the next marriage between the two will continue to open, after all, life is still going on, and the marriage must continue, right? However, will the marriage between the two parties go smoothly again? The answer may not be so certain.