Wen | snow fell without dust
In the long road of life, we can never get rid of intimate relationships. Whether it's family, friendship, or love, we always need to deal with others and build relationships.
The establishment of the relationship is through the continuous contact between the two sides, the main performance is to trouble each other, both people help each other to complete some things, so after more times, naturally establish trust.
With this layer of relationship, there are only two ways for the two people to develop in the future, either the relationship is getting better and better, or one party betrays and leads to a breakup.
The relationship between adults is mostly maintainable, but once faced with the problem of betrayal, it is difficult to give up the emotions, and it also needs to be handled with great care.
If someone you love betrays you, you can redeem it, but don't be humble.
01
Betrayal does not mean that oneself is worthless
In the field of psychology, there is a theory called "pyramid theory". There are several levels in pyramid theory, one of which is the "need to socialize."
There is no doubt that man is needed.
Everyone wants to be helpful and valuable to others. Even for some people, being needed by others is a happy thing.
It is precisely because of this that many people will fall deep into self-doubt after experiencing betrayal by others.
They often do not think about each other's character problems, the other party has done something wrong, but in turn doubt whether they are not doing well enough, they have no value, the other party will betray.
At this time, many people's choice is to beg others to reconcile in a low voice, and they will also lower their bottom line.
But in fact, betrayal does not mean that you have no value in yourself, nor does it mean that you are not good enough, and you do not need to humbly save the relationship.
Neither one abandons the power of others, and the betrayal only shows that the fate of two people has come to an end, and it should be the betrayed person who takes the initiative to repent, rather than looking for problems in his own body.
02
Dare to let go of sunk costs
Once brushed a post, is a girl about the process of her husband betraying herself.
The two had been together since high school, married for four years, and shortly after she learned that she was pregnant with her second child, she found out that her husband had betrayed her for almost two years.
The originally harmonious and happy family was suddenly betrayed and tossed a chicken feather.
After thinking about it for a few days, she decided to beat up the child in her belly and take Dabao and divorce her husband.
Not only did it not save the relationship, but it also took the initiative to get out.
Her husband begged her not to divorce, and even swore that he would never have any contact with a third party in the future, and would never betray him again.
But she did not change her mind, but insisted on divorce.
She said her husband asked her a question that made her body shudder fiercely.
He said, "Can you really let go of our feelings for so many years?" Are you cruel to children without fathers? ”
She was stunned for a moment, and then quickly hit back: "If I don't divorce you now, there are still decades before I am eighty years old, and I may not know how many times I will be betrayed by you!" ”
This question is indeed a true portrayal of the betrayal.
Two people have established an intimate relationship for so many years, have been together for such a long time, the sunk cost at this time is large enough, can they really not save each other?
In fact, this question is very easy to answer, many people in the process of life forward, like to miss the past, like to look back, and forget that we can still look forward, forget that the previous story still needs us to continue to write.
When we humbly want to save each other, we may as well calm down and think about it, comparing the existing length of time, comparing the future with the present, the sunk costs that have been paid are no longer so important.
At the same time, the other party seems less worthwhile.
You can look back, but you can't go back in the past, and you can't pull back people who have left. People who are retrograde in their feelings need to take full responsibility.
03
Leave your energy to those who deserve it
People often say that after losing, they will know how to cherish, and when they have it, they will feel that this relationship is insignificant.
This sentence may indeed be correct in some people.
When you have each other, you feel that it is just so, and only when you lose do you realize that the other party is so important to you.
There is even a situation of unwillingness, unwillingness to let the relationship end like this, not willing to withdraw in the way of a loser.
In fact, these psychological activities are completely self-touching.
Some time ago, a friend shared a true story with me:
After a woman discovers that her husband has betrayed her, she pleads bitterly with the other party, humbly begging the other party not to divorce her, only to ask the two people to live in peace and security, and what has happened before is not to blame.
Her husband was playful, believed what she said, and agreed.
Just when her husband gradually returned to the family and no longer contacted a third party, she filed for divorce because her husband had betrayed him.
This operation has surprised many people.
In fact, for her, she didn't care about the other party's betrayal at all, only about how she quit.
As for the situation when the other person is lost, it can only be said that the relationship between two people, the love of two people is not deep enough.
If you feel that the other party is the person who is worthy, the right person, when getting along with each other, you will naturally cherish the relationship between two people.
In our lifetime, we will meet many people, but when we meet these people, we are still dealing with ourselves.
After establishing an intimate relationship, you may wish to spend more time on yourself, and instead of humbly trying to save a person who is leaving, it is better to expect to meet the next better person.
On this level, a person who has betrayed you, even if you love, don't get it back.
Everyone is an independent individual, and the relationship between people and people depends on mutual attraction and the involvement of values, rather than the flattery and redemption of one party.
Even after humbly saving each other, many times, the relationship between two people will not last long.
As the saying goes, if you like a butterfly, don't go after it, but plant flowers and grass, and when it comes to spring, even if it doesn't come, there will be other butterflies flying.