The older the child, the more he needs the company of his father. Encourage all fathers in the world.
The delivery room in the middle of the night was silent.
A woman woke up from a dream, dead in pain, sweating profusely.
At this time, she was accompanied only by her mother, who was over sixty years old.
And her husband, the man who was busy with work under the pretext, was hiding in the house, drinking and watching a ball game, snoring soundly.
If it weren't for a phone call from his mother-in-law, he probably wouldn't have known that his wife was about to give birth.
When he rushed to the hospital, the first time was not to care for his wife and visit the children, but to quickly take the placenta and secretly give it to his mother and brother to supplement their bodies.
On the other hand, the wife risked her life to give birth to the child, and was pushed out of the operating room without being cared for, and had to be taken to the delivery room by the nurse on duty.
On the elevator, the nurse talked nonsense:
"This husband is also too out of tune, the wife just gave birth to someone disappeared, secretly sent the placenta to go."
This scene comes from the recent hit drama "Dear Child".
Fang Yinuo, played by Ren Suxi, and Xiao Lu, played by Qin Hao, are an original couple, but before a few episodes were broadcast, Xiao Lu was ridiculed by the whole network group:
"Where is there a husband who does this?"
"Xiao Lu is really the contraceptive needle for all unmarried and childless people."
As the saying goes, most of a child's questions can be answered in the parents.
Behind Xiao Lu's lack of family responsibility comes from the emptiness and lack of father's love education.
01, the father is absent from the family, can not raise a strong sense of family responsibility of the child
The Xiao family has two children, the eldest Xiao Lu and the younger Xiao Xu.
Their parents divorced when they were young, and they have been dependent on their mother since birth.
As a "nibbling old family", Xiao Xu played games at home all day, eating and drinking Lasa was all contracted by his mother, and smoking and drinking did not fall behind.
The family had a hard time introducing him to a job, but he couldn't see it.
He also stole his mother's pension money and his brother's life-saving money to start a business, and in the end he lost a dime.
And the marriage of the elder brother Xiao Lu was also torn apart at the moment when his wife gave birth.
The wife gave birth, and he either excused himself to work or hid at home.
After his wife gave birth, he simply became a hand-waving treasurer.
The child cried in the middle of the night, he ignored it, and slept better than anyone;
The sister-in-law stole milk powder into breast milk, but he questioned whether his wife was making a fuss;
And without his wife's consent, he secretly took his mother to serve the confinement.
As soon as he encountered the contradiction between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he had no principles and thin mud, and the two sides arched fire, and the quarrel became more and more serious.
Even when his daughter had a high fever late at night, he was married and cheated, with other women...
To say that the only time to take care of, is the wife's incontinence, Xiao Lu helped clean up.
However, this only time, it also became a sharp blade for him to hurt his wife: Yes, you don't stink when you on your body! ”
This sentence made the wife suddenly discouraged:
I I on you to give birth to! I on the body to let you serve me that time, your disgusted expression, I remember you for a lifetime! ”
In recent years, the Youth Growth Base of the General Hospital of the Beijing Military Region has found that:
"The primary responsibility for behavioral problems that arise during the growth of children and marriage lies with the father."
When the role of the father is lost in the family, the child's heart will be extremely lacking in strength and security.
This kind of damaged sense of strength and security will make children lack the courage to fight against the ups and downs and unhappiness of the world, it is difficult to develop a responsible character, and it is easier to choose to escape.
If in a family, the father does not teach the boy how to take responsibility and how to be a good man, then he will suffer the loss of marriage or career in the future.
02, the father in the family, is the embodiment of reason and rules
Psychology believes that the existence of the father is conducive to blocking the "closed two-dimensional relationship" formed between the mother and the child, transitioning into an "open ternary relationship", and promoting the development of the child's "separation - individuation".
That's because children are born with their mothers as the center, and their love for their children is even more unconditional, which will make children full of trust in the world.
But a father's love for his children, often "conditional," represents the rest of society.
Once the child's behavior does not meet the requirements of others in society, the father will punish him.
Therefore, psychology refers to the role of the father as "social rules", believing that only the father's upbringing can make children understand and comply with the rules and regulations of this society.
On TikTok, see a story.
In junior high school, the boy became addicted to online games, and his grades went straight down.
The teachers were helpless against him, and even he himself fell to the bottom and gave up on himself.
At this time, the father stood up -
He temporarily dropped off his job and returned home to accompany his son.
The TV set at home stopped. My father himself took the initiative not to play with his mobile phone.
While the boy was writing his homework, his father was reading a book not far away.
In the four years from the third year of junior high school to the third year of high school, my father accompanied him throughout the study.
Whenever a boy has academic or psychological confusion, the father will patiently accompany and carefully guide.
He will also learn the knowledge of education by himself, and share and discuss what he has learned with his son.
Under this "constraint", the boy was eventually admitted to the psychology major of Peking University and is currently a doctoral student.
Recently, he made a guest appearance on CCTV's "First Lesson of School", in which he talked about his father's power over himself.
The Ministry of Education has conducted a large number of surveys of children at all stages, and found that from the age of 5 to the third grade of primary school, the proportion of children who are willing to listen to their mother's education is much higher than that of their father, but after the third grade, the mother's educational influence is extremely reduced.
At this time, if the father's role is in an invisible state and the father's voice is in a state of disappearance, it is easy for the child to form a disregard for the rules and break the jar.
Only when the father stands up and guides him from a rational point of view, can the child grasp the ability to deal with himself and others, and can he better spur himself and achieve self-achievement.
03, the companionship of the father is a stepping stone on the road to the growth of children
Raising Boys says:
Boys will learn their father's attitude toward life, learn how to love people by observing their father's behavior, and learn and feel everything by observing their father's behavior.
The role of the father is often richer than that of the mother. He can be a coach, a friend, or even an opponent.
In this kind of diversified role transformation, children can also have a good understanding of the variability of social roles, and their ability to resist risks will be stronger.
2008, Haikou, Hainan.
Chen Xingrong, 2, was diagnosed with autism, slurred speech and poor interaction with people.
When he was 5 years old, in order to strengthen his physique, his father hired him a swimming coach.
But after practicing for a long time, the coach was angry and ran away, and his father had to teach him to swim himself.
My father posted various training tables on the wall, and also arranged some sports to enhance physical fitness, and the two supervised each other and trained together.
Accompanied by his father, Chen Xingrong won 5 gold medals at the 11th National Paralympic Games and the 8th Special Olympics in 2021, and won gold medals in the freestyle competition!
It is reasonable to say that a child with autism is also quite socially difficult.
But Chen Xingrong is at ease in the face of social interaction.
His popularity in the community is very good, and everyone understands him and supports him;
He can go shopping for vegetables alone, and the aunt and uncle of the market are very fond of chatting with him and helping him.
A child with a lonely and disabled nature has won such a perfect counterattack, won a sports gold medal, and mastered the ability to get along with the world!
I think that's the power of Father's love.
Tough, bold, unyielding, confident.
Although the road of life is long, the key moment is just a few steps.
If these steps can be accompanied by the father, the child can not only feel a huge sense of security, but also improve the child's ability to resist in society.
This ability can help him live like a fish.