My name is Lee, I am 43 years old and I am currently a freelancer. Not long ago, I divorced my child's father, and I tried to maintain this marriage for 20 years, and finally broke up with my family.
I voluntarily chose to get out of the house, asking for nothing, even ceding custody of the children to my ex-husband. It's not that I don't want to fight, but in the eyes of the children, there has never been a mother like me.
My Story:
I grew up in a not very wealthy family with two older brothers, and I was the youngest daughter in the family. Most of our families have a patriarchal preference.
So from childhood to adulthood, my parents did not discipline me much, and I only provided two brothers to read, so my cultural level was not very high.
From childhood to adulthood, my life trajectory was arranged by my parents, and even my marriage was introduced by my parents through a matchmaker.
The economic conditions in my man's family are actually quite average, and their family owed a lot of money outside in order to marry me. Therefore, after I passed the door, my mother-in-law did not deal with me all day, and often nagged in front of me, saying that I was mainly responsible for the reason why the family was so poor.
I didn't want to argue with my mother-in-law just after I passed the door, so I always tried to avoid her. But there are so many places in the home, looking up and not looking down, inadvertently there will be some friction with the mother-in-law.
My husband saw it and didn't reason with me, as long as I had an argument with my mother-in-law, he was helping my mother-in-law to speak. This made me feel very aggrieved, but after every quarrel, he would quietly say soft words to me, so that the day could barely last.
Later, when I became pregnant, my mother-in-law changed her attitude toward me, but she just didn't nag in front of me. My mother-in-law didn't take care of me once when I was pregnant, saying that she was old and inconvenient.
I can understand this, but when my first baby was born and she saw that it was not a male baby, she sang to me all day again.
Because our tendency to favor sons over daughters is particularly serious, when the daughter-in-law fails to give birth to a male baby for the family, she has no status in the family.
In the days that followed, my living situation could be imagined, and my mother-in-law's attitude towards me became worse and worse. Even my husband was no longer as nice to me as before, and kept a straight face all day, as if I owed him a lot of money.
After another year and a half, I finally gave birth to a big fat boy for their family. The family was happy, but I was a little unhappy.
Because at that time, although Wu Fei had a relatively stable job, his income was not very much. In the case of only one child in the family, life can be barely maintained, but after the birth of the second child, the quality of life in the family is getting worse and worse.
Because the family's craftsmanship often does not make ends meet, the contradictions in our family are increasing. My mother-in-law nagged day and night all day, saying that I was idle at home and went out to work with her son.
But her son is also a dead brain, thinking that if there is a man in the family and a woman who wants to go out to make money, he will be laughed at by others.
After I started making money, he was suspicious of me all day
When both children were older, I decided I was going to go out to work. Since I didn't have any culture and no technology, I could only engage in assembly line work in an electronics factory in the end, and I ate and lived in the factory.
Wu Fei never agreed to me going out to make money, but the children grew bigger and bigger, and there were more and more places to spend money. My mother-in-law was nagging in my ear all day, and I didn't see the thoughts of not being bothered, but finally decided to go out to work.
I feel that my decision to go out to work is very good, which can not only solve the conflict with my mother-in-law, but also increase the income of the family, which is a win-win choice.
Over the next decade or so, I used the money I earned from part-time work to renovate my family's house twice, and my children were sent to some schools with relatively good education. The days are getting better and better, but the feelings between Me and Wu Fei are getting weaker and weaker.
He started to distrust me a little, and often talked to me about very unnourishing topics. On a few occasions, I suspected that I had someone outside, and I had many conflicts over this.
In the days that followed, every time I came home, he would ask me for a sum of money, and if I didn't give it, he would tell others that I had saved the money I earned to others, and that I didn't treat this home as my home, but that the outside was my home.
I was very aggrieved in my heart and had the heart to explain to others, but people always only believed what they liked to hear, and they didn't believe my defense at all.
Later, more and more people gossiped about me behind my back, and even my two children were gradually affected by them. In the eyes of the children, they also thought that I had formed another family with someone else outside, which made me feel very uncomfortable.
Gradually, I felt like I had become an outsider to the family. When I think about it now, my heart is a cramp. I gave so much for this family, but in the end no one in the family understood me.
I was exhausted and made money outside, but when I came home, I was not understood. They all said that I didn't care about my family, and my in-laws, husbands and children were very cold to me.
In the face of such a marriage and family, I don't know what I was insisting on before, and what does such a marriage mean to me?
I thought about it for a long time, but I never came up with an answer that satisfied me. I decided to divorce Wu Fei, although I had reluctance in my heart, but if I continued to stay in such a family, I would only feel tired and tired.
In fact, I don't know whether my choice is right or wrong, when I was not divorced before, I felt that I was very tired and hard every day. But after the divorce, I didn't feel much happiness.
Looking back, it seems that I have never worked hard for myself since I was a child, and now I am not young, and I am still alone.
I feel a little aggrieved in my heart, but I don't regret it, and I think it's good to live alone like this now. As for how to live when I am older in the future, I will not think about it for the time being, and it is a step to take it.
Conclusion:
There are so many stories about Ms. Li, and after reading them, I have some sympathy for Ms. Li. From Ms. Li's story, it is not difficult to see that the reason why Ms. Li's marriage has become like this is mainly divided into two reasons, part of which is that the family is upside down, the status of men and women cannot be balanced, and part of the reason is that the economic conditions of the family cannot keep up with the rhythm of life.
Coupled with the lack of communication between the two sides, Ms. Li's ex-husband Wu Fei gradually lost trust in Ms. Li, and the children were greatly affected. In the end, Ms. Li subtly became an outsider in the family, and divorce was an inevitable result.
Things have developed like this, in fact, there is nothing to say, I only hope that Ms. Li can get out of the shadow of this failed marriage, cheer up early, and run her future life well.