If it were you, with the ability to govern and take care of yourself, would you move to your children's house and live with them?
Neither my grandparents nor my grandparents have ever been alone. My grandparents have been living in their hometown, cared for by my parents, and the other three children will give money every year. Because my aunt and two uncles are very reasonable and grateful, plus my grandparents are good to me, my parents don't have much complaints.
Grandpa and grandma have four sons, after grandpa died, grandma took turns in the four sons' home, moving once a year, until 3 years ago Grandma was ninety years old, the body is not tough, the uncle left it behind, in his pension to the end.
In the eyes of the older generation, generations of the same church is the most traditional family life model, they raise their children, the children should honor them, let them enjoy the joy of the world. If you want to have a small family model, no matter how much you have to hide, it is difficult for parents to accept.
In my parents' generation, there are many people who want to open, such as my mother.
"As long as I can still move and take care of myself, I don't want to live with you, save having to argue with your husband, you are in a dilemma." 」 Hey, I'm not on the same level as your young people's thought channel, it's difficult to communicate, or it's better to be far away and smelly. ”
García Márquez, "One Hundred Years of Solitude": "The secret of a happy old age is nothing else, but a decent agreement with loneliness." ”
In fact, whether it is the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or the contradiction between father-in-law and mother-in-law and son-in-law, it has something to do with one point, that is, people's hearts are flesh, they only know how to hurt their own children, and they adopt a double-standard attitude towards their children and their other half. Things are uneven, you are so eccentric, the other half of the children naturally cannot accept it, and will contradict you.
However, your children have become sandwich biscuits, not people inside and out, on the one hand are parents, on the other hand, they want to be their own white head to the old other half, who is better to help?
"Our little two just want to fulfill filial piety, why is it so difficult?" Receiving 4 elderly people to retire, I thought that 7 people would gather together and have a happy family, but I did not expect that all the ancestors were invited. ”
Hearing Ms. Tang's complaints, everyone also felt that she was not easy.
01.
Ms. Tang is 44 years old this year, married to her husband Mr. Yang for 22 years, has a son under her knees, this year has been 19 years old, last year was admitted to a book, the two small mouths are bitter, and they see the hope of a good life.
However, the son went to college, and before the two children could catch their breath, Mr. Yang's parents made a fuss in their hometown.
"My father-in-law is 71 years old, my mother-in-law is 69 years old, her body is strong, her legs and feet are sharp. After my son was born, they came to help me bring a baby for 5 years, but I did not agree with their three views, the living habits were very different, the father-in-law had a big temper, liked to give orders at home, requiring everyone to listen to him, the juniors could not confront the elders, what they said was what they said, the mother-in-law was particularly nagging, a trivial little thing can talk to you for a week, in the end, we quarreled, almost made a divorce step, the in-laws left in order to save the son's small family. ”
The mother-in-law has lived in her hometown for 13 years, in addition to the New Year and National Day, the mother-in-law will come to Ms. Tang's house every year to live for half a month, although there will be contradictions during this period, but the days are not long, Ms. Tang can also see Mr. Yang's face to endure.
However, after the grandson went to college, the in-laws quarreled in their hometown again, and made several phone calls to Mr. Yang, asking to move to his son's house for the elderly: "Are you two planning to ignore our lives or die?" ”
After being quarreled by his parents for half a month, Mr. Yang compromised and planned to take his parents over, which made Ms. Tang feel a headache.
"Don't let my husband pick me up, my husband was hit by filial piety and me, it's sad, but my in-laws came, I wasn't annoyed to death?"
02.
Therefore, Ms. Tang thought of a way to ask her parents to take over for the elderly.
"My parents had two children, 7 years ago, my brother died, my parents are the only one left, originally had to rely on me to support the elderly." 」
In the end, Mr. Yang agreed to Ms. Tang's suggestion, and in order to express her heart to both parents, Ms. Tang was responsible for picking up her in-laws and Mr. Yang was responsible for picking up her father-in-law and mother-in-law. Because Ms. Tang's father could not stay idle after retirement, he also found a job and needed to go through the resignation procedures, so Ms. Tang's parents arrived half a month later than her in-laws.
Receiving 4 elderly people for the elderly was originally to fulfill filial piety, but Ms. Tang and Mr. Yang were reduced to the end of not working, not doing.
The in-laws came half a month in advance, and they almost did not force Ms. Tang to the brink of collapse.
"Knowing that my in-laws are picky, before I picked them up, I asked my cleaning aunt to clean the house, and after my mother-in-law came, she still looked at where it was dirty." Before they came, my husband cooked in the house, I was responsible for tidying up the room, and now, as soon as my husband entered the kitchen, my mother-in-law jumped to her feet in a hurry, and complained to relatives, saying that she had married a lazy daughter-in-law and that her son had been wronged. I can make 7000 a month, what's wrong with buying a few clothes? How did it end up being a loser? ”
In these days, the thing Ms. Tang is most looking forward to is that her parents will hurry up and support themselves.
03.
Knowing that the mother of the in-laws is also coming, Ms. Tang's in-laws are actually strongly opposed, and in their view, there is no reason to go to the daughter's home for the elderly.
Fortunately, Mr. Yang is very sensible, on the grounds that his son was in high school, his father-in-law and mother-in-law accompanied him for 3 years, blocked it back, and insisted on taking his father-in-law and mother-in-law to the pension to repay their kindness.
Unexpectedly, after the father-in-law and mother-in-law came, the 4 old people pointed their needles at Mai Mang, and their small two mouths became sandwich biscuits.
"My in-laws, as always, don't let my husband cook, want me to cook for 6 people, my mother is on fire, drag me not to let go, said either the couple do it together, or they are hungry, stalemate for an afternoon, finally, eat takeout!" 」 "My in-laws taught me not to be so lazy, to be diligent and fast, to do more work, and after my mother listened, she told her son-in-law the words as they were, so she quarreled."
"My husband likes to play games, and he spends hundreds of dollars a month, I know, although I think it's wasteful, but considering that he is still honest, there are no other bad habits, a few hundred dollars is not much, besides, I bought clothes He didn't say anything about me, he agreed." Every day after work, he likes to go out for a drink and come back, I know he will not do bad things, and go with him, but my parents are always suspicious, which makes my husband feel very unhappy. ”
Parents quarreled, and eventually escalated to husband and wife contradictions. Hearing mr. Yang and Ms. Tang's complaints, their sons pointed out the problem to the point: "They are all biased towards their own children, and it is not pleasing to see each other's children, can they do it?" Whether it is grandparents, or grandparents, bullying other people's children in person, can parents look down? Ask them to move out! Far and near smell. ”
In the end, Mr. Yang and Ms. Tang reached an agreement and proposed to the parents of both sides: "Parents, go back, we don't want to divorce yet!" ”
Although the parents of both sides were reluctant to leave, they could not stand them when they saw the two children, so they had to move out.
04.
Tu Lei said that the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, between mother-in-law and son-in-law, we must do two sentences, regard it as our own care, and treat each other as guests.
Regard as your own love, that is, your son is a son, and the daughter of others is also pregnant in October, why do you say that my son I pulled the big one, although the people are two pulling big, it is also the flesh that fell from the body, you have to hurt two as much, and even more pain to your own daughter-in-law. The heart should be treated as a relative, but it must be done as a guest.
Whether it is a mother-in-law getting along with a daughter-in-law, or a son-in-law getting along with a father-in-law and a mother-in-law, you must understand the principle of comparing your heart to your heart. Well, it's mutual, you're good to them, they're good to you. Neither men nor women can stand the end of good intentions and no good rewards.
If you can't treat the other half of your children as your own, then you have to keep a certain distance, you pass yours, they pass theirs, less contact, less friction, you can also keep each other's relationship.
END.
Xiao Qi, please comment: When you are old, do you plan to live with your children? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.