The year is approaching, so for married couples, it is necessary to discuss an old topic, that is, who to go to for the New Year.
Both men and women want to go back to their homes to accompany their parents, after all, we work hard outside, live alone, leave our parents, have no time to accompany them, and the New Year is a rare opportunity.
Keep going back to one home and the other party may be dissatisfied. Going back to each home is also inconvenient (such as what to do with children), if this problem is not solved well, it may even cause conflicts between husband and wife, affecting the development of marriage.
As a result, many people have adopted a new way, that is, to let both parents come to their children for the New Year.
The desire to raise a child and not to wait for relatives is the biggest regret in life, and when the parents are still there, it is the basic requirement for children to do more filial piety. At the same time, to love a person, we must know how to love The House and Wu, look at the face of the spouse, and treat his parents kindly, which is also the requirement of marriage for us.
However, Adler, one of the three giants of psychology, once said: Basically all interpersonal conflicts arise from arbitrary interference with other people's problems, or their own problems being interfered with by others.
It is the nature of most people that the human heart is flesh and blood, and only hurts its own children. Therefore, whether it is an in-laws or a father-in-law and mother-in-law, when sharing a room with the spouse of a child, it may adopt a double-standard attitude towards its own children and the spouse of the child, so that the spouse of the child is wronged.
Recently, when my cousin and brother-in-law came to my house as a guest, I poured bitter water with my mother and told me about the things they encountered in the past New Year when they picked up 4 elderly people.
01. Don't come back with your children, don't come back, OK, you guys come over;
After New Year's Day, my cousin and brother-in-law began to worry about who to go back to for the New Year.
My cousin and cousin-in-law are not locals, they both stayed in the provincial city to work hard after graduating from college, bought a house and started a family, and their parents lived in their hometown, and the distance between them was similar.
"We have one son of yours, you don't come back for the New Year, what is the New Year for our old two?" People see it, don't scold you for not filial piety? ”
"You have been married for 4 years, not once is in the year of your mother's family, your parents have raised you for free, right?" It was really the water spilled by the daughter who was married. If you know this, you should really listen to the advice of others and add a brother to you, so that you can have a dependence. ”
Scolded by their parents, the cousin and cousin-in-law thought of the idea of going back to their respective homes and finding their own mothers. However, this approach will not work either.
"Your daughter-in-law won't come back?" What about my grandson? What the? If your grandson doesn't come back, then you come back alone, what's the point? If the grandson does not come back, you will not come back, and you will never come back. ”
The aunt also gave the cousin a similar answer, making the cousin and the cousin want to cry without tears, fortunately, the cousin thought of a way: "Or, we will not go back, let them come, 7 people together for the New Year?" ”
My uncle and aunt work in the factory, and due to the impact of the epidemic, the factory has taken a holiday on New Year's Day, so they have time to celebrate the New Year in the provincial city. My cousin's parents make a living by farming, and when they are busy farming, they can also come to the provincial city for the New Year. Therefore, the cousin-in-law approved of this method and invited both parents to come to the provincial city for the New Year.
In order to meet the grandson (grandson), the parents of the uncle and uncle and the cousin-in-law agreed to the plan.
Since the uncle and aunt still have something to do, the first people to arrive are the cousin-in-law's parents.
02. I do a job, angry with my mother, don't do it, and then be sprayed by my mother-in-law to the bloody head of the dog;
"Before my parents came, we went to the mall, bought a lot of things to put at home, planned to let them stay longer, it doesn't matter if they leave later, we can help us watch our son who is always a demon after the winter vacation." Unexpectedly, from the day my in-laws arrived home, the two of us usually quarreled every day. ”
Then, my cousin first told us about the in-laws.
Cousins and cousins are good at cooking, can cook and cook, but because the children are naughty and mischievous, the cousin needs to coax the children, so many times it is the cousin-in-law who is in charge, and the cousin-in-law diverts the child's attention.
"His mother watched her son enter the kitchen, immediately pushed my husband out, while cooking and stir-frying, while nagging what gentleman far away from the kitchen, cooking is not a man's job, etc., I listened to it, although uncomfortable, but did not speak, but, his mother is endless, still complaining when eating, he interrupted several times, did not block my mother-in-law's head."
Cleaning before the New Year, cleaning, hygiene, is a tradition, because the cousin cousin and brother-in-law holiday is very late, in order to avoid too late to clean up, therefore, now will use the end of work time and Sunday to clean up the room.
"Originally, our housework was coordinated with each other, the physical work belonged to him, and the technical work belonged to me, for example, cleaning the hood, wiping the glass, climbing up and down, I couldn't do it!"
The mother-in-law saw her son climbing up and down to work, very distressed, first persuaded the son to rest well, saw that the cousin did not listen to the direct grab of things, pushed the cousin to the house, and did not let the cousin continue to work.
"Your parents said bad things about me, and their voices were too lazy to lower, obviously they were saying them to me."
Hearing the number of cousins, my cousin-in-law could not sit still, and also accused my mother-in-law.
"Your mother is not much better!" Last Sunday, I received an urgent task from my boss, and I had to use my computer to work overtime, and I told you to let you cook a meal. Doesn't your mother also not let you cook? He didn't listen to my explanations, accused me of bullying my wife, and used her as a free babysitter. ”
"My parents overheard that we give them 1500 alimony every month, which you agreed to, my parents have no pension, the income from farming is meager, and they can only rely on me to support them." Your mother didn't do it anymore, saying that my parents were only in their fifties, and they began to nibble on their sons, and they cried my mother. ”
My cousin and my cousin-in-law fought, counting down the other parents, and my mother had to interrupt them.
03. After listening to what people said, we decided to talk to our parents;
After 4 old people came to the New Year, the little two broke down: "There is a mistake in working, and there is a mistake in not working, aunt, help us!" If we continue to quarrel like this, I am afraid that something big will happen. ”
Listening to their complaints, my mother provided a solution, that is, which parents to deal with.
My mother first said to my cousin: "My sister-in-law I know, her mouth is strong, but she loves you." Tell her well, let her look at your face, be polite to your son-in-law, and respect your son-in-law's parents. ”
My mother said to my cousin-in-law again: "Whether the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be resolved or not, and whether you can control it depends on whether you can give it a force." Lingling was raised by my brother and my sister-in-law in the palm of their hands, and they saw that your mother only knew that she was distressed about her son, so that she could be happy to call her daughter-in-law? You are a man, and if something goes wrong, you must take the initiative to solve it. Don't expect Lingling to go, you communicate with your parents, even if you say the wrong thing, your parents are angry, after a while it will be fine, you are their own child, they will forgive you, but the daughter-in-law is not necessarily. ”
In the end, the cousin and brother-in-law decided to go back and talk to their parents.
04. The spouse has a conflict with your parents, hiding, and cannot solve the problem.
Uncle Mo Na said, "I have seen too many families with harmonious mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, and there is a reasonable husband. Instead of shouting "She's my mother" and asking his wife to compromise, he didn't stand idly by and let the two men clash. Most of the problems of marriage, after all, are human problems. ”
The spouse has a conflict with your parents, hides, and can't solve the problem. For your parents, if you do not come forward to protect your spouse, it is equivalent to acquiescing to their behavior and encouraging their arrogance. What can a spouse do if you don't come forward to solve the problem? Even if you can't get your parents, can your spouse solve the problem? If your parents didn't even listen to you, would they listen to your daughter-in-law or son-in-law, an outsider?
Both men and women need a sense of security, and when they have a conflict with your family, your maintenance will give them the courage to continue living in this home.
Liu Liu, the screenwriter of "Double Sided Glue", once said: "In the trivial life of chicken feathers, what women care about most is often not how to resolve the contradiction itself, but in the process of resolving the contradiction, whether the husband is standing behind him." ”
In addition to the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, men cannot hide, cannot pull a bias, and must actively solve it. Unless your spouse is unreasonable and bullies your parents who have no fault, under normal circumstances, you had better help your wife a little, let your parents see your determination to protect your wife, and let them look at your face and not be embarrassed by your daughter-in-law.
If the man's heart is given, the woman generally will not worry about the in-laws, and will also look at the man's face to be nice to the in-laws and make the husband happy.
END.
Today's topic: Which parents do you think are unreasonable? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.