Seven years ago, my husband died of illness, the kind I did not remarry, and an incident that happened last year made me completely collapse!

Text: Mud on leaves

Finishing: Nostalgia for old times

After the heavy rain, don't look down at the ground, but look up at the sky and you will find a new sky! Because of the crushed reeds, the heavens will not break. The residual lights will not be blown out.

I got married on October 6, 2010. On the third day after the wedding, my husband and I returned to Suzhou from the countryside of Xuzhou in northern Jiangsu, because we ran two jewelry stores at that time. Although the income is not very high, it feels much better than working in a company. As children who came out of the countryside, we look forward to and look forward to one day, in Suzhou, there is a comfortable nest of our own.

The beautiful dream, in March 2013, turned into a bubble that was punctured. During that time, my husband's appetite suddenly decreased, and he continued to have a fever, nausea and vomiting, and hidden pain in his abdomen. He couldn't bear it, so I asked me to take him to the hospital for examination, and I was told that he had early liver cancer.

My husband and I are alumni and fellow countrymen when I was in college, but I am in the south of the city, and he is in the north of the city. During the nearly two years of his treatment, I have been with him to take care of him, and the bittersweet and bittersweet during this period cannot be described in words.

I ran in and out of the hospital every day, saw a lot of people and many things, my three views also began to change from that time, before a mind to work to make money, neglected the family, and later found that physical health is the most important.

At that time, when our career began to start, the business showed signs of getting better and better, but after my husband fell ill, I had no intention of running it, I closed one, left a shop close to the rental house, and was basically in a semi-closed state.

At that time, a woman had to take care of the family, but also busy with the business of the store, it was particularly difficult, I often took care of one or the other, fortunately at that time, the ability to resist pressure was relatively strong, I gritted my teeth, and finally survived.

But my husband's illness, after several tosses, finally came to an end, on February 1, 2015, my husband left us forever, leaving me with a three-year-old son and more than 47,000 debts.

At his husband's funeral, the son held the portrait of his husband, shivering in the cold wind, he did not have the concept of death, walking in the wheat field, he twisted his head and asked me: "Mom, where did we send Daddy?" "Hearing my son say this, my heart ached.

After taking care of her husband's affairs, everyone in the family was very sad during that time, and her mother-in-law lay on the bed and washed her face with tears every day. The husband is gone, and the living people have to continue to live. I had to face reality and patiently persuade my father-in-law and mother-in-law. In fact, at that time, I was very fragile, the whole person seemed to be split in half, and my physique did not feel as good as before.

I used to like to be lively, slowly became silent, even when I was resting, I rarely went out, on the surface it looked fine, in fact, my body and heart suffered a double blow, I did not tell anyone, only myself slowly digested, slowly adjusted.

Husband is the only son in the family, looking at the poor father-in-law and mother-in-law, I did not think too much, I decided to take my son, live in the city, and assume the responsibility of the family, in order to reassure them, I privately told my mother-in-law that I would not consider remarriage in the future, only to raise my son.

On New Year's Day 2016, I turned away the jewelry store and chose a sales job in a cultural tourism company, although the challenge was great, but the income added up to six or seven thousand per month. To this end, the mother-in-law came to Suzhou from the countryside of northern Jiangsu, specifically responsible for taking children, doing housework, and cooking.

Life is very tired, but every New Year's Holiday, I still try my best to give my father-in-law some pocket money. Usually, I also call often to ask him not to be reluctant to eat.

For me personally, the death of my husband has brought me a heavy blow, not only spiritually, but also materially. Previously, when I was with my husband, I wore more than a hundred headdresses on my head, and then I changed it into an elastic band for fifty cents, and the previous cosmetics were no longer related to me, because I was responsible for 1500 yuan of rent and the family's food and drink every month.

In the days when I worked at this cultural tourism company, in order to take on more business, I almost ran all over the streets and alleys of Suzhou, and for so many years, whether it was spring, summer, autumn and winter, or the wind and the sun, I spent no less than three hours outdoors every day.

Once, when I happened to be crowding the bus, I met an old classmate in Xuzhou, who said that if I didn't take the initiative to greet him, he wouldn't have dared to recognize it. I know, he's saying I look too vicissitudes.

Speaking of people, people will not believe that in these years, I have not bought a new dress, and after the people in the same community know the situation of my family, they will send their old clothes to my house many times, so that my mother-in-law and I can wear the clothes of the four seasons without spending money.

My brother and sister three, my sister works in Nanjing, because the culture is not high, there is only to do some room service work, my brother has only graduated for three years, and now he is 26 years old, delivering couriers in Nanjing.

I remember that on the National Day of 2018, my sister and brother came to see me, looking at the coat I was wearing with a hole, my sister cried bitterly, she said: "I didn't expect that you loved beauty so much, and now it has become like this, in my opinion, or find someone to marry earlier, otherwise such a hard day, I don't know when it will be the end!" ”

I said to my sister: "People are alive, they can't all think about themselves, I am gone, what should the child do?" If I take the child with me, what will the in-laws do? ”

Although the days are bitter, but there is joy in the bitterness, every day when I come home, I see the meals that my mother-in-law has prepared, and I see my son running up to hug himself, I feel very happy in my heart.

Life gradually returned to its former calm.

In August 2019, with the help of my company boss, my son finally got his wish to go to the first grade, and the school was close to where I lived, so that my mother-in-law could walk to pick up my son.

My colleagues in the company pitied me, and they helped me in different ways, sending out New Year goods almost every year, and people in our office would give them to me. Therefore, every year before the Spring Festival, I have to take large bags to my home four or five times, and the oil and rice are enough for the family to eat for a long time.

I remember once, I put some New Year goods in my backpack, with a bucket of rapeseed oil in one hand, from the door of the unit, got on the bus to my home, and because the driver braked sharply on the road, I suddenly fell on the person in front of me.

I quickly said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" But the man replied to me with an angry face: "Your quality as a countryman is really poor, take so many things to take the bus, does not affect others to walk?" Don't whine, grab your bag and don't touch me again! You see, dirty dead! ”

I was a self-respecting person, and I wanted to argue with that person, but seeing so many hot eyes looking at me, I was sad to bow my head. Although it has been several years since this incident, the humiliating scene, I still remember it to this day, and my heart still hurts.

Learning to face adversity and hardship may be part of life.

Complete one's misery. When my husband died, god cut off one of my arms, but the occurrence of my son's illness cut off my legs and made me unable to support.

On September 9 last year, when I was at work, I suddenly received a call from my son's class teacher, saying that my son had a nosebleed, the amount of bleeding was particularly large, and it was difficult for the school doctor to stop it. It has now been sent to the Children's Hospital affiliated with the Medical University.

I took a taxi there in a hurry, and the children, who had gone through a series of examinations, were already in the hall accompanied by the class teacher, waiting for the results of the hospital.

But the ending was one I couldn't accept. My son actually had leukemia. At that moment, I was dizzy for a long time, holding on to a pillar in the hospital, for a long time before I gasped, and then, I could no longer contain the sadness in my heart, and I cried without scruples, I wanted to wash away the grievances I had pressed on my heart for many years with tears, and I wanted the tears to wash away my endless sorrow.

But what can tears change? After thinking about the pain, under the introduction of the boss, on September 13 of that year, I went to the Jiangsu Provincial People's Hospital with a dazed child and paid 30,000 yuan in hospitalization fees.

Because I wanted to treat my son, because I wanted to maximize the economy, I had to consider moving, I called a rickshaw, put the family's oil, salt, sauce and vinegar, pots and pans and clothes and bedding, two or thirty packages of large and small, one by one to the sixth floor, I saved 150 yuan, but people were almost tired and paralyzed.

The child's illness is a bottomless pit, around my hometown, people with this disease, almost one by one have left the world, but I am not an easy mother to give up, I have lost my husband, I do not want to lose another person who is the most loved in my life.

My sister and brother-in-law came, and I knew that my brother-in-law's words were very reasonable, he said: "If you have such a disease, you spend money blindly in the hospital, or hurry home and treat it according to the formula of Chinese medicine!" ”

I knew my brother-in-law was motivated by a good heart, but I couldn't do it.

Seeing that my decision had been made, my father-in-law sold everything that could be handled in his hometown, and my brother lent me all the 43,000 yuan he had accumulated, and when my father came to see me, he also gave me all their savings. In addition, I also borrowed more than 50,000 yuan from some well-connected friends, and the boss of the company also transferred 10,000 yuan to me.

In the process of treatment, the son's condition was repeated, and the signs of improvement were not obvious. A classmate who works in Beijing said: "If you really want to see it, go to the hematology department of Peking Union Medical College Hospital, which is more professional, and he has a relative who works there, so he can help ask." ”

With the help of my old classmates, the matter of going to Beijing Hospital to see a doctor was finally implemented, and I secretly prayed that the level of treatment there would allow my son to get a new life as soon as possible.

On January 14 this year, I bought a ticket from Suzhou North to Beijing South, and at 11:05 I distributed the bus, from where I lived, to the train station, it usually took about 30 minutes, but in order to avoid accidents, I took a taxi from home at 9:45.

But that day there was a traffic jam, and I was in a hurry in the car, and my forehead was constantly sweating. Later, when the driver arrived at the train station, I looked at the time it was already 10:55.

I can't delay my child's treatment. After I got out of the car, I dragged the child all the way, if I was a few seconds late, I wouldn't have a chance to check the ticket, I almost threw myself into it with the child in my arms.

When I got into the train, I couldn't stand up again, the whole person seemed to collapse, and I lay on my stomach in my suitcase, crying helplessly, crying. There were two well-meaning aunts next to me, who saw me like this, handed me tissues and kept comforting me.

The five tastes of that moment, the hopeless sadness of that moment, I think I will never forget it in this life, but I remember the two people who handed me tissues, but gave me a different kind of warmth, and now that I want to come, I am still happy and happy.

Life in the world, unsatisfactory things are nine times out of ten, tomorrow and accidents, no one knows which one comes first. Therefore, my requirements for myself are: even if I am poor, I must have a kind heart and promote good deeds. In the face of those who are weak, even if they are unable to help, they will never be a spectator who stands by.

I was attacked on all sides but was not trapped, my heart was troubled but not disappointed, I was persecuted but not discarded, and I was defeated but not to death.

I am a single mother in my early thirties, and even though I am physically and mentally haggard and even sometimes feel that I can't stand it, I definitely can't fall because I still have a long way to go!