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『Cheng Yi's Spiritual Clinic」
Dr. Cheng's Great Spiritual Health Care
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Vol.93
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@Fathead Fish
I'm 35, unmarried, and haven't been in a full relationship.
There are several relationships that I actively avoid when I need to develop further.
I also have a hard time finding the feeling of being in love during a blind date, basically seeing it once or twice and rushing into things.
My parents had many conflicts with me over this.
Marriage has become a problem for parents.
I felt that I had become an unfilial son, especially my father was in his 70s, and although he was in good health, he often said things like "If we are not here in the future, you will not have a home" and so on.
I know they're doing it for me too.
But I don't want to walk into a marriage with an unknown outcome against my will.
What should I do?
Cheng Yi answered
In fact, the purpose of both sides is the same.
Your parents also want you to be happy.
You don't want to get married quickly, but you also want to be happy.
Then try to avoid contradictions and quarrels.
If you find someone to marry for the sake of your parents' wishes, then it will be you who will suffer.
I think you can communicate with your parents and tell them,
You haven't found the person you like yet, but you don't reject contact with the opposite sex.
If you meet the right person, you are also happy to develop further with each other.
Let the parents put down the stone in their hearts first.
Then there's the problem with yourself, because you have very little contact with the opposite sex.
So the solution to the problem that you don't know how to contact the opposite sex is to be bold enough to interact with the opposite sex.
Go to more parties or events.
Whether it is an invitation from a friend or some other offline dating activity.
Expand your social circle and get to know more people who are different.
Of course, there is no need to make them all the objects of development.
It's just about cultivating your ability to interact with the opposite sex.
Although it is something you are not good at, then you should try more.
skill comes from practice.
When until you are with the opposite sex, do not feel embarrassed, do not feel uncomfortable, can be comfortable.
At that time, it will be easier for you to find the other half of your choice.
First soothe the hearts of your parents, and then make changes yourself.
I believe you can reap a wonderful and anticipated marriage without going against your will.
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@Bear cute
My boyfriend and I have been in love for 10 years have started talking about marriage this New Year.
When it came to getting married, my father asked to renovate the house and then negotiate marriage.
However, at present, the economic conditions of the boyfriend's family can only barely get married, which cannot meet this requirement.
I didn't make my position clear when I talked about it at the time, and I blamed myself.
Afterwards, I kept communicating with my parents, during which my boyfriend wanted to give up because of financial pressure.
I took the initiative to go to my boyfriend to discuss how to continue to run the relationship together.
It turned out that he was already starting a blind date.
I felt betrayed.
The two of us have been with each other for ten years, and this relationship really can't be abandoned.
What am I going to do?
Cheng Yi answered
The two of you are not yet married, and when you run into problems, if you don't face them together.
After the marriage, the two people encountered other difficulties.
Do we still have to find solutions to each other?
You blame yourself for not taking a stand, which proves that you don't agree with your parents.
But your boyfriend didn't make it clear.
He apparently gave up because of financial problems.
Whether he is actively dating or forced to go on a blind date, this reflects his unwillingness to share the burden with you.
Even the mentality of just wanting to escape when encountering problems.
Your father wants you to have a marriage room where you can live, and then negotiate marriage, which is also for your consideration.
He always did not want his daughter to rent a house after marriage and have no fixed place to live.
I hope you can also understand your father's hard heart.
He wants you to be happy more than this man.
But look at your boyfriend.
There is neither the determination to fight with you nor the confidence to solve the problem.
On the contrary, as soon as he heard something that he could not bear, he immediately gave up.
Even ignoring the ten-year relationship between the two of you, ran off to a blind date.
What do you think someone like him has the confidence and ability to bring you to the life you want?
It is said that we should not deceive young people to be poor, but people must always be poor and not short-sighted.
I know you cherish this decade of affection.
But if this incident can make you recognize this person, it is actually worth it.
Don't say that the size of the contradiction after marriage, even before marriage can not face the problem together, what can you expect him?
Listeners leave a message
@Maruko
I went back to my hometown with my mother to visit the New Year, knowing that I had a distant relative, and the man was 5 years younger than me.
We all worked in the same city and added WeChat.
I know he has a girlfriend and interacts a lot over the course of two days.
My mom offered to go to his house for a day and then drive back together, and when she got to his house, she was very tired from driving and rested early.
He came over and put his arms around me to sleep, and I didn't refuse.
It was embarrassing to be home, especially when his girlfriend came over.
I'm reminiscing about the scene.
Chagrin at not being clean, Liso refused to let him hug me, and still enjoyed this ambiguity.
What should I do?
Cheng Yi answered
I frowned the whole time and listened to you talk about it until you asked the question – what should I do?
What can be done? Or do I want to ask what you want to do?
Keep your distance from guys with girlfriends, who else needs to teach this kind of thing?
It can be understood that the two of you are a little relative, and they are all in the same city, of course, two people can add WeChat.
It doesn't mean that after falling in love, you have to cut off dating.
It's just that after adding WeChat, the relationship between the two of you has begun to get weird.
You know he has a girlfriend, and you still enjoy the ambiguity of interacting with him.
I don't know what your inner activity is in the process, at least not sad.
The next development surprised me even more.
Obviously, this guy isn't a nice guy, but you're having a problem too.
The frequent chat interactions that began are not to be mentioned, and now it is more elevated to physical contact.
Especially when his girlfriend comes over, this embarrassment in your heart reaches its peak.
Rather than guilt, you're more upset that you're almost discovered.
You are all girls, heart to heart, do you want your boyfriend to hook up with other girls when he can't see it?
It's just that obvious, and you ask me what to do.
Of course, it is a direct refusal to keep a distance.
Don't destroy other people's feelings, and don't do things that can destroy other people's feelings.
Respect yourself, maintain self-esteem, and also respect the feelings of others.
This issue ends here