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『Cheng Yi's Spiritual Clinic」
Dr. Cheng's Great Spiritual Health Care
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Vol.94
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@Little Confused
My husband always didn't like to tell me what he thought.
When I asked him, I also avoided the heavy and light, and did not want me to ask more why.
I felt lonely because no one said anything in my heart.
It takes courage for no one to give, and no one dreams together if they want to talk about ideals.
Although I am married, how can I feel that I am still alone?
He will accompany me to do a lot of things.
But he can't be my close friend, my life coach.
I now feel that I lack meaning and purpose in life, and I have no motivation to work hard.
What should I do? Is there any need for such a marriage to continue?
Cheng Yi answered
When in love, everyone will say that the two parties in love are the most intimate.
There are even couples who don't have a secret between them.
In my opinion, marriage is one level higher than love.
It's not just about the intimate relationship between two people.
It also involves the married life of two people, as well as the families of two people.
Sleeping in the same bed and dreaming is the most painful thing.
Even though the two of you stay together.
But the distance between two people's hearts is too far, and this is the root of your loneliness.
I think you can look at the relationship between you first, starting with the personalities of the two people.
Is your husband a more silent and introverted person? Is it less talking to anyone?
Or is it that he is a very sunny and outgoing person, but he has become taciturn after marriage.
Personality is not 100% and can still be changed.
The key is that you have to ask the question.
Make him realize that this current state of marriage is not normal.
You can start with small things, such as sharing some daily trivia with him.
Or ask him before bed if anything interesting happened today?
To be involved in each other's lives.
Knowing what he has done recently is to know what is going on in the other person's mind.
Secondly, I think you can also show weakness to the other party to some extent.
For example, if you have something that needs help, you can bring it up and hope that two people will do it together.
Let him feel that he is dependent and needed.
Finally, I wish you happiness.
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@ Thunderstorm Days
Free love and marriage for 10 years.
Every year after marriage, before going home for the New Year, I would call my mother-in-law in advance to help clean up the house.
But almost every year confiscated picks.
Leave in the morning, arrive home in the evening, have no food to eat, no water to drink, clean up first and then sleep.
Over the next few days, cleaning, drying quilts, and heating, life was on the right track.
Then the husband evaporated, drinking, playing cards, eating...
Feel like a transparent person that no one values.
Later, it was decided that such a home would not be returned.
But my husband was always unhappy, and he would put pressure on me directly before, demanding that I had to return, and I did not compromise.
Am I really wrong? Can't I live the life I love?
Cheng Yi answered
I can understand your feelings very well.
Originally, the New Year was a very happy event, and everyone got together in a lively and lively way.
Chinese pay attention to reunion, and we must get together in the New Year.
Whether it's eating, drinking, or having fun, what matters is the reunion of this group of people.
not one activity or another.
You also returned to your mother-in-law's house for the New Year with this expectation.
But I didn't expect to greet you with a lot of unfinished work, making you feel that there is no way to rest in the New Year.
And the husband evaporated.
He just plays and can't see your pain, which makes you feel a huge gap.
The resulting negative emotions make you feel that returning to your in-laws' house for the New Year has become the biggest problem.
But in fact, this matter is very easy to solve, the most important thing is your husband.
Since your husband is very tough on you having to go home for the New Year.
Then you can tell him why you don't want to go back.
He wants you to go back, so he will help you do things, help you clean the house, help you clean up.
Instead of just having fun for yourself.
If he promises you that you are willing to take the responsibility for you, then you can consider going back to spend the New Year with him.
Because after all, it is a lively and happy day, and it is not good for everyone to quarrel red-faced.
I hope you two can communicate well.
Not only with your husband, but also with your mother-in-law.
Your feelings over the years have made everyone realize that you are not making unreasonable trouble, you really have a thorn in your heart.
Everyone said it open, maybe it's fine.
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@Relief
After falling in love, at the beginning, the boyfriend always pestered himself and gave a lot of companionship and help.
Now for a year he was always busy with himself.
I myself became more sensitive and vulnerable.
When encountering problems, it is not like trying to solve them by yourself before, always wanting to help your boyfriend, always suffering from gain and loss.
He even felt that his boyfriend didn't love him anymore, but he didn't mention breaking up.
I mentioned it and he would agree.
Is our relationship healthy?
The question is, is that we don't love anymore, just need someone to accompany us.
Cheng Yi answered
This is a very normal phenomenon.
After the hot love period, the two people will no longer be glued together all the time as before.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore.
It's just that the relationship between two people has progressed to the next stage.
It is necessary to find the next stage of getting along.
You can't always ask two people to always maintain a single mode of getting along after a certain length of time.
As for whether you say he doesn't love you at all?
You are the person concerned.
Whether he has changed or whether his love has diminished your feelings is the most immediate.
But in fact, even if you think he doesn't love you so much, it's because the relationship between the two people has reached a new stage.
You just make decisions because he's no longer the way he used to be.
As for the companionship you mentioned.
Falling in love is not simply about finding someone to accompany.
I tell you what kind of people need companionship: only the elderly, the sick need companionship.
Why do young people always say the meaningless word of companionship and sacrifice when they are in love?
Both of you take a look at your own problems and communicate well.
What kind of love do you want the other person to give you?
Then achieve a balanced state of getting along, do not hook up on love or not as soon as there is a problem.
Feelings need to be run-in.
How long have you been dating?
Finally, I hope you can solve the problem smoothly and then get together.
This issue ends here