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『Cheng Yi's Spiritual Clinic」
Dr. Cheng's Great Spiritual Health Care
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Vol.83
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@Xiao Jia
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and I haven't noticed it before, that is, in the last six months, he always holds a mobile phone and ignores me.
Sometimes it's TikTok, sometimes it's anime, sometimes it's TV series.
Watch videos in the elevator, watch videos while cooking, watch videos with brushing teeth, watch videos in showers.
Watching videos on the way from the bathroom to the bedroom, the list goes on.
The result is that everything takes several times longer than normal people.
Every time you talk to him, you have to say it many times to get a response.
It's speechless.
Is this still tolerable? Do you want to break up?
Cheng Yi answered
If your question is if your boyfriend has been playing with his phone all the time, do you want to break up.
Then I can't give you a definite answer.
Because everyone's acceptance of falling in love is different.
Some people can't stand each other's smoking, some people can't stand the other party's failure to report the itinerary, and some people can't stand the cold violence of the other party.
So it varies from person to person, not simply because he loves to play with mobile phones, I will give you a positive answer:
Should I keep going, or should I break up?
The key is to see from this problem that he would rather play with his mobile phone than spend more time communicating with you and cultivating feelings with you.
Or is it that he just plays with his heart heavily?
You can discern this situation yourself.
For example, when you want to talk to him, or when you call him by name, what his reaction is like.
Don't think that the object loves to play with the phone is not to love themselves, there is no equivalent relationship between the two.
If you feel uncomfortable, you can communicate with him and express your feelings.
Instead of one person sullen there silently enduring the other.
Of course, we go back to the problem itself, and through your description, you can feel that your boyfriend is addicted to mobile phones.
In this case, there will inevitably be a lot less time to invest in other things.
So it's still a matter of communication.
You must first let the other party know that you have recently been snubbed and that you are in a bad mood.
You want the other person to be able to make some changes, and that's the first step: expression.
Then it's time to see if the two of you have the same interests, and if he loves to watch anime you like, you can watch it with him.
Don't think that you have done something with the other person.
It's two people doing something together to make it more meaningful.
Or you can make a small rule, before going to bed, you must put down the mobile phone well, talk to both sides, talk about the heart.
Finally, I hope you can communicate well and find a solution.
As for whether to break up or not, the decision is of course in your own hands.
@Joy
We have been together for almost three years, and this year we have met our parents who are more satisfied and plan to get married next year.
However, it has felt increasingly inappropriate lately.
I think he's very inconsiderate, his mouth is particularly damaged, and his patience and temper are getting worse and worse.
Every time we quarreled, he spoke particularly badly.
Even said I was brainless.
Then the next day he was like no one else.
Such things happened often, and even if he promised, it would not be long before he would repeat the same mistakes.
Maybe he's too straight, straight-mouthed and critical, but I think it's getting worse now.
What should I do?
I don't agree, equating bad speech with straight men.
Whether a person knows how to speak or not is a two-way reflection of IQ and emotional intelligence.
Straight men are used to describe people who think, act directly, and don't like to bend and round.
Instead of saying that those who like to catch you a little thing is infinitely magnified.
A cultivated person, it doesn't matter whether he has a brain circuit with eighteen bends in the mountain road, or an iron man with a rectum through the brain.
If he realizes that his actions will make the other person uncomfortable, then he will definitely pay attention to his words and deeds.
Through your description, recently you have felt more and more that in the process of getting along with him, you not only think that you cannot communicate well.
It even affects my emotional state.
Then I think the other side has a big problem.
So at this time, be sure to clearly point out his problems and tell him that these things make you very unhappy.
Then observe his attitude, if he thinks you're just making a fuss, just kidding.
Then even if you find the true face of this person, you will not lose money in time to stop the loss.
If he changes, of course it will only be good for the two of you to cultivate your feelings.
Second, don't make excuses for the other person, find reasons.
What he did wrong is wrong, and the two men confronted their mistakes and then corrected them.
What's so bad about that?
Both of you have reached the point of talking about marriage, and the problems that arise in the run-in process must be discovered as soon as possible.
Any point that feels uncomfortable in the interaction, no matter how big or small, do not hold the attitude of indifference.
If there is a contradiction, it will be resolved early, and if it cannot be solved, it will be a human problem.
@Yu Jingjing
The boy was the first love and loved each other as children.
In the middle, they broke up for objective reasons, and then there were intermittent contacts.
I also tried to get along, but found that the other party hesitated, always stressed that he liked me when I was a child, and now I am uncertain about me.
My mind has gradually matured, and I don't like such feelings.
But emotionally speaking, I am very attached to the fact that I like him.
Dragging on such a relationship without knowing what the result is, is very draining.
I was more sensitive and was very unhappy to be dragged.
So I came up with a way to delete his WeChat and completely cut off his own thoughts.
I wonder if it's too impulsive to do so, or are there other ways to get down quickly?
Liked it for too long.
You may not be able to figure out whether you like him or whether you are trapped by this obsession.
You say you like it for ten years, and the numbers sound intimidating.
It feels like such a long time has been spent on one person.
But if you think about it, did you really not have your own life and other feelings during this period?
It is understandable to want to restore the old good mood.
But blindly emphasize how much you have invested in this relationship.
On the contrary, it is not conducive to their own liberation from it.
Now it's clear that he can feel your heart but isn't willing to accept it.
Although you have been stressing the feelings of not wanting to drag mud and water.
But you've been stuck in this dilemma of whether to end it or not.
He doesn't want to be nice to you, and he doesn't want to let you go, isn't that consuming you?
The most important thing at this time is for yourself to realize that there is no need to waste any more time on him.
Two people once had some good memories, and that was enough.
If there is no chance to go on together in the future, you don't have to dwell on it for ten years.
Be brave enough to go over and say goodbye, and don't tie yourself up with numbers.
And don't tie up your love.
This issue ends here