01
Letter from the reader: Hello Kaizi! I like to see your public account, I will read it every day before going to bed, and I always want to write to you to tell my story, but I feel that it is too long to know where to start.
Today I want to make a long story short, I'm getting married, but I'm hesitant.
I don't know where I heard a sentence, probably when you have doubts about whether it is good or not, in fact, it must be bad, because if it is good, there will be no doubt.
I am a white-collar worker in a 18-tier small city, with a monthly salary of 1W+, because of the past, I want to make a long story short here for a long time.
I'm not married until I'm in my thirties, because I'm tall and good looking, so it's not that I can't find it, but my vision is a little high, and my circle is limited.
With his gym acquaintance, you can play together, his family conditions are still passable, at present he does not work in the focus on civil servants, get along for more than a year, now should be said to be very chicken ribs.
He is short-tempered and macho and never helps with housework, but he is not bad and self-motivated.
When we quarreled, he would sometimes come up and push me, feeling that he was restraining himself from doing it himself, and he knew in his heart that if he hit me, we would be finished.
But he thinks it's sooner or later that he does it, but he lacks an "opportunity".
Now my relatives, friends and colleagues also know that I am getting married, and my father's urging for marriage is particularly strong.
His parents are really good, I really don't know what I should do now, is this marriage really going to be married?
02
Kai Zi replied: Hello girl, thank you for your long-term attention, a girl who is not young, but not yet married, and her own conditions are also good, it is very normal to have a high vision, since her own conditions are good, of course, I will hope to have more choices.
But there's a question here I don't know if you've ever thought about it, have you ever asked yourself what kind of partner you want to choose?
For example, you and your current boyfriend, you choose him because of the following points:
1, play to get together;
2, family conditions are OK;
3. Self-motivated;
4, the other party's parents are particularly good to you;
But there are also many things that make you worry about the relationship, and there are a few points to summarize:
1. In order to pass the civil service examination, he does not have a job now;
2. Grumpy;
3, machismo, never do housework;
4, angry will push you, and you suspect that he may do it;
So these questions combined, let's see what are the final conditions for this boy?
1, can play with you, indicating that your hobbies in entertainment are relatively close;
But two people together can not only play into it, but also have to talk about it, and both sides are willing to understand each other, which is the real sympathy.
2, the family conditions are good, but there is no job at present, although he is currently examining civil servants, but he has been at home for a whole year, you say that he is self-motivated.
But in my understanding, a truly self-motivated man should not spend a year at home in order to take the civil service examination.
Moreover, it is not easy to say whether he can pass the examination, even if he can pass the examination, he may not be able to have the ideal salary.
So is he really self-motivated? I'm afraid there's a question mark here.
3, you are in your 30s, I don't know if he is the same age as you in his 30s, if so, then he is still unemployed at home at this age in order to test for civil servants, then I guess his parents are too protective of him.
It's easy to understand that you say he's grumpy and he's macho and doesn't want to do housework.
Under the excessive doting and protection of his parents, he does not know how to respect your feelings, and he does not know that as a man, he also needs to be prepared to take on housework.
4, anger will push you, here you can see that his ability to control emotions is not very good, and you also have a premonition that he may just be a "chance" to do something to you.
I don't know if this can be judged to think that he is in order for your current relationship to develop further and therefore has to control emotions.
I think the last 4 points I analyzed are also the problems of your inner concerns, when we briefly describe these 4 problems, see what is the situation?
This is a grumpy, suspected violent man who currently has no job or income at home and may be a bit of a mommy.
If you pull this angle out, is it easier for you to make a decision?
But there is another problem here, every girl over 30 years old must have a sense of crisis, and your range of choices will definitely decline as you get older, which is an inverse comparison.
Therefore, from a rational point of view, whether an object with poor conditions is a choice or not, but there is another reference factor here, that is, it depends on your own conditions.
And their own conditions are not only based on appearance, income, but also on family lineage, education, personality and so on.
Although theoretically, as long as girls do a good job of self-improvement, they will inevitably attract better men, which is the so-called "if you bloom, the butterflies will come." ”
But once a woman reaches a certain age, an embarrassing problem that has to be faced is that the base of butterflies is getting smaller and smaller, even if you may attract butterflies, but after the entire base becomes smaller, the proportion of butterflies you attract is still very low.
Therefore, although blind choice, marriage for the sake of marriage can be a wrong choice, but if it is too idealistic, it may also be a wrong choice.
Simply put, if an older girl wants to choose a quality partner, she must not only have excellent conditions, but also need to have a golden eye and the ability to expand her social scope.
Therefore, in the end, it is necessary to make a rational judgment based on their own situation.
Next, I will also summarize why many girls with good conditions will leave themselves in their 30s if they are not careful.
1. Missed dividend period
During the youth dividend period, the dividend is regarded as its own value, and it is not rationally used, anyway, it is squandered and fearless.
2, the demand is not clear
I have never thought about what kind of person I am and what kind of partner I want to choose. Haven't thought about what you can bring to the other party, and what do you want the other party to bring to yourself?
3, wrong judgment but not stop loss
Because there is no clear direction for mate selection, it is easy to make wrong judgments, and it is difficult to easily let go after finding a mistake in judgment, which leads to several years spent on a wrong person, wasting the most precious youth.
4. Over-idealization
There are too many beautiful yearnings for the future, but it does not conform to the actual situation, using a fairy tale mentality to look at love, the requirements for partners hope to be in place in one step, and cannot accept common progress and grow together.
I don't know what advice you will give her after reading today's case, do you think she should get married, or should she let go? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below!
If you are also experiencing the same problems as this girl, getting older, but there is no suitable choice, or do not know whether to choose, you can privately message me, I will tell you how to adjust your mentality and harvest good feelings!