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『Cheng Yi's Spiritual Clinic」
Dr. Cheng's Great Spiritual Health Care
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Vol.80
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@Ding-ding
My boyfriend and I should say very much in love, I am unmarried.
But the boyfriend had a failed marriage and a 3 year old.
The boyfriend's parents are very strong, and they are traditional patriarchal families, and everything is centered on the son.
The last marriage was because the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were not separated.
Obviously, I wasn't the ideal daughter-in-law for his parents either.
The boyfriend's personality is also relatively cowardly, and his ability to compete with the family is limited.
He also felt powerless to change his parents' minds.
The situation now is knowing that this is a fire pit.
But I still can't help it, hoping for a different ending.
What should I do, give up or hold on?
Cheng Yi answered
At first I thought you didn't know what you were going to face, and simply hoped that your feelings would have a good outcome.
But when I heard it, I realized that you were very sober and knew what you were doing.
And you know very well what kind of difficulties and tests you will face, but you still choose to jump in.
It may seem to you that you feel that this is crazy for love, sacrificing for love.
But in my opinion as a bystander, Mingzhe is the best strategy.
His ex-wife is a lesson for the past.
Your boyfriend has a cowardly personality and can't rebel against your parents at home for you.
And you are not the image of a daughter-in-law that his parents are satisfied with.
In this way, once you marry, there will inevitably be friction and quarrels.
You imagine a scenario where when you have an argument with someone in his family and you want him to help you.
But he stood aside and said nothing.
He will even help his mother to accuse you.
You feel that being in such an environment, not to mention happiness, whether you can sustain it is a problem.
I can understand that you put a lot into this relationship, so you are reluctant to do so.
Then I suggest that you can talk to your boyfriend first, talk about your worries and doubts, and see how he reacts.
If he thinks you're making a big deal out of it, it only means that he's not making any plans for your future.
Or you can ask him directly, if there is friction after marriage, will he be willing to do the parent's work for you?
I'm sure his answer will definitely give you new ideas.
You know, marriage is not just a matter for two people.
Once married, both parents are involved.
But if neither person has the confidence to sustain it, it will be a very exhausting marriage.
I hope you can think it through for yourself, maybe you're now overwhelmed by love.
But if you think about it, if the next decade or even decades may be accompanied by quarrels, then I think this is really not a correct decision.
People can indeed be bold, and in love, they do need courage.
But that's not to say you know you're going to have a bad experience, but you still have to jump right in.
It's not greatness, it's stupidity.
You need to understand:
Only if you are happy, your life will be happy, and your marriage will be happy.
@Crispy Peach
I am 26 years old and currently unemployed.
My mother was anxious for me, there was no job and no object, the mother was single, and she wanted me to find a job first.
After spending time in the city, I returned to the county seat and it was difficult to accept.
As a result, I still want to return to work in big cities.
Although it is unstable, it is a big deal to change jobs once a year, and it is a big deal to go home and rest for a while before leaving.
Is it okay to keep unemployed and employed?
Or do I have to find a job at home to hold on?
I've been anxious for a long time.
When I get home without a job, it is not easy to find a partner, and it is not easy to find a partner when I go out to work and not be at home.
What should I do?
The most important thing at present is that you need to make a plan for your future and have a clear positioning for your future life.
Do you want to live in the city or the county seat?
The two very different choices also mean that the tests and difficulties you face are far from the same.
You can only make a choice if you first know clearly what kind of life you want in the future.
It's normal to feel lost at this age.
Unemployment and employment in big cities, but big cities will keep you growing and keep up with the times.
In a small county, although it does not have the glamour of a big city, it is expensive and comfortable.
Coupled with the presence of parents, life can also be moist.
When you've made a decision, think about who you're in after that.
You yourself said that it is not easy to find a partner without a job.
Then take it one step at a time, and then solve another.
Lying in bed right now, piling all your worries together and thinking about it, will only make you more tired.
The roads are out of the way, not out of the box.
When you roll over and roll around in bed, it is better to work the ground.
Don't worry, don't get upset, step by step, there will be work, there will be objects.
@He Yuyu
The boy he met on a blind date, talked for several months, and did not confirm the relationship.
Because it wasn't my ideal type at the beginning, I felt like I needed to understand.
Understanding the process boys are not very active.
The key I felt and his thoughts were not on the same channel, and communication was not smooth.
He is also always self-centered and does not think in a different position.
Later, I deliberately colded him, and he simply disappeared.
The next month was gone.
After talking for months without even saying goodbye.
A month later, I looked at the circle of friends and saw him directly posting his marriage certificate.
I can't understand the speed.
I felt a sense of frustration.
I don't know if it's my problem or his problem? How do I adjust my mind?
I can understand how you feel.
The two of them talked for months, and he disappeared silently.
Even in the circle of friends, you feel that this is a blow to you.
Calm down first, and let's take a good look at the whole thing.
First of all, you have not confirmed the relationship, and the marriage of the man and the woman is voluntary.
In the process of getting to know each other, the two of you did not communicate well.
As you've said, he's not the ideal person in your mind.
But he also doesn't take the initiative, and maybe you're not the ideal person in his mind.
In fact, two people are not on the same channel.
You think this thing is like this.
But in his opinion, it may be that he knows a girl, and the two people can't talk about going together, and he naturally feels that he doesn't need to continue to develop.
After that, he found another girl to talk about marriage.
The last thing that should be done in this matter is that neither of you can talk well.
You didn't say anything about his dissatisfaction, and he didn't say anything about his reaction to your indifference.
From another point of view, the two of you have not confirmed the relationship, and neither of them is the ideal type of each other, and you really can't be frustrated by this matter.
I think if you could both tell each other openly.
Even if you don't come together in the end, I don't think you will feel a sense of gap in your heart.
You don't need to take this matter too seriously.
It's just that after breaking off contact with a man who has known each other for a few months, they run to get married.
It's just that I suggest that the next time you meet a blind date, or the person introduced by a friend, if you have an idea in your heart, you must say it to the other party.
Two strangers need to communicate, and sincere and equal communication is the best way to treat people.
This issue ends here