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Charlotte Brontë," Jane Eyre: "If you can't avoid it, you have to put up with it." The inability to endure what is destined to endure in life is a manifestation of weakness and stupidity. ”
There are two kinds of things that you have to endure in life: one is something that cannot be done, and the other is a tragedy that has been fixed.
What is powerless can be understood in conjunction with the "destiny of the first half of life". For example, if you were born in a poor family, you can't have as many things as the people around you, and this kind of powerless thing, you have to endure it for a while, until you can create a life, and its influence on you will be weakened.
The tragedy that has been stereotyped is easy to understand, whether it is the tragedy caused by your mistakes, or the tragedy that someone else has made mistakes, everything has become a fact, you must accept and endure, and only on this basis can you come back to life.
Once a marriage tragedy is brewed, it is a tragedy that has been fixed. The pain must also be endured, otherwise it is easy to let life fall into chaos. Only by creating a new life while enduring can we get rid of suffering.
The following reader's attitude towards the tragedy of marriage is worth recognizing, and let's listen to his story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I saw you in an article about a mother-in-law who was both happy and sad after her son's divorce, believing that the tragedy was caused by her blind urging for marriage.
This case is similar to my situation, and I also started a marriage because I was urged to get married.
Although when my parents urged me to get married, there were some blindness and some anxiety, but I knew that they had no malice and were for my own good. After all, within their cognitive range, it is their heart disease to feel that their son is not married, and they are also worried that others will talk nonsense and worry that it will be bad for my reputation.
In other words, I married on the basis of identifying with them. And be prepared to honor them after marriage.
Unfortunately, I married an unfilial daughter. More precisely, she may have filial piety to her parents, but not to my parents.
As you said, children can be unconditionally filial to their parents, but to be good to others require conditions. I agree with this statement, if my parents have never treated my daughter-in-law kindly, and she is not willing to be filial to them, I can understand; but the problem is, my parents are particularly kind to her, just like their own daughters, why doesn't she honor my parents?
In addition, her parents were not as good to me as my parents were to her, and even so, I was still very filial to them. So, based on various circumstances, what reason does she have not to honor my parents?
I discussed it with her, but it didn't work at all. Every time she got involved in this topic, she would argue with me, turning over and over with only one sentence: "I am not obliged to give my in-laws a pension, whose parents raise whom!" ”
I had been fantasizing for a long time that she could change, until one day I saw her throw away the gifts my parents had bought, and I couldn't bear it anymore. When she mentioned that sentence again, I said to her, "Whose parents raise them?" Then go back to your mother's house!" We set out to prepare for divorce! ”
My parents are the kind of honest people who are more conservative, although they all know that she has a problem, but for the sake of face, they don't want to make things bigger, and they want me to be soft and take her back from her mother's house.
This time, I didn't do what they asked. They must also be full of complaints, but they love face when they are older, and they dare not express their true thoughts in their hearts, and they are afraid that the follow-up will be unfavorable to me. But I don't think so, I think long pain is not as good as short pain, rather than repeated quarrels and contradictions in the future, it is better to shoot and scatter.
I have never regretted it from my divorce until now. My ex-wife and her parents corrupted me in front of outsiders, saying that I was too filial to my parents and saying that I was a mother," which seemed to me to be complete nonsense. If filial piety is sinful, then I am willing to be a sinner.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Marriage and filial piety should coexist, and these are two feelings that no one can give up.
Even couples who have a bad relationship with their parents and are bullied by their in-laws cannot separate marriage from filial piety. You can not be wholehearted, but the maintenance obligation involved is an unshirkable responsibility. No matter how bad the relationship between them is, the parents are always parents and cannot escape.
In addition to this special situation, not to mention other normal situations, marriage and filial piety must coexist.
Take the man's marriage as an example, he honors his parents, but also the woman's parents, his parents are also very good to the woman, the woman has no reason to escape filial piety, she should be grateful to Dade and the man to filial piety to both parents.
It is not difficult to see from her unreasonable words and deeds that she is certainly not filial to her parents. If she is filial to her parents and the man is filial to her parents, she should be courteous to her father's parents, not to mention that her in-laws are so good to her.
It's just a pity that this kind of person who can't be a person or is not worthy of being a person can't listen to the good words and persuasion of others. They will stick to their misconceptions, put the responsibility on others, think that the divorce is because the other party has problems, and do not forget to ruin the reputation of the other party after divorce. In fact, this is a manifestation of weakness of heart, otherwise it is impossible to seek the affirmation of others in the way of "corrupting the ex-husband or ex-wife". Such people are not eligible for happiness, and they always block the road to happiness with their own hands.