01
Love and marriage are not the same, the former is a long-distance spiritual attachment, the latter is a close life together. If love only involves and collides with the romantic part, then love is all about being in love with each other's strengths, and it is impossible to expose the true temperament.
Marriage is a real life, so in marriage, there will be frequent friction between interests, wills, ideas, positions, and the bottom line, so as to recognize each other's true nature.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu said in "The Siege":
"No matter who you marry, after you get married, you always find that you are not marrying the original person, but changing to another one." Knowing this, the pursuit, love, etc. before marriage can all be omitted. When talking about love, both parties are completely converged, and they have not recognized each other until they get married, but the old-fashioned marriage is simply, and no one recognizes anyone before they simply get married. ”
As the saying goes, men and women in love only see each other's beauty, but marriage exposes each other's flaws.
Perhaps because of this, before marriage, we often had high expectations of our partners and fairytale fantasies about married life, and later once something was debunked, if there was a serious quarrel, everyone felt that there was reason to wonder whether the other party had changed.
Expectations are disappointed, disillusioned, and gradually begin to question their own choices, more and more certainly they have not polished their eyes, it is easy to cause the two to fly separately and run separately.
Whoever tells the two to fall in love, they try their best to cover up their shortcomings, through deliberate obedience and disguise, to hide their original appearance and true desires.
Be honest with each other before marriage, expose the shortcomings and deficiencies to each other, make the other party make some psychological preparations, and may not have such a big sense of gap after marriage.
02
There is an interesting description in "The Meaning of Marriage":
"We never knew our spouses, we just thought we knew. Even if we find the right person in the first place, it won't be long before he or she changes. Because marriage is a big life event: as soon as we walk in, we are no longer the same person. ”
Why do people change after marriage? Why find the right person, but still change?
First of all, we need to understand, what is the content of marriage? It is life, and life is divided into chai rice oil and salt, pots and pans, old-age care, family chores, personal contacts, family expenses and so on.
Unlike when in love, the content of love is sweet, as long as everyone's spirit is satisfied, together is pleasant, there is nothing else to do all day, as long as the love is good, you and I, spend the moon, occasionally care about the problems of life.
Therefore, the "change" after marriage is a change of last resort, a helpless change, because marriage is the most realistic life in the world, you are already married, you cannot be prepared, and you must immediately shift all the focus to life, and you can no longer be like when you are in love, the two people revolve around each other.
Busy making money every day, busy with the content of life, there is no energy to take care of the feelings of the partner, making people always mistakenly think that the partner has changed his heart.
In fact, it is impossible to take care of it, and all kinds of affairs, responsibilities and trivialities will overwhelm each other.
If you still want to live a married life in the way of love, what awaits you is the failure of marriage, and you can only treat love as an occasional snack in your married life, and you can taste it once in a while. Mortgages, car loans, health care, education are not mountains that weigh on young people.
In addition, you must know that such a realistic life, the triviality of family affairs, are very grinding, easy to make people's temperament become irritable, and have no patience. For example, sometimes I also want to talk to you well, but the anxiety and pressure in my heart will cause myself to be out of my control, and I will have a yelling, roaring, and impatient attitude.
When the partner treats you like this, you must feel aggrieved, the heart must be angry, eager to ask for an explanation, then a quarrel is inevitable, quarrelsome, feel that the other party is incomprehensible, all changed, no longer is the time to fall in love.
The rupture of many husband and wife relationships is caused by such a step-by-step, lack of understanding and tolerance, so this is also the sadness of no money, in a difficult environment, the feelings of husband and wife are as old as ever, it is simply too rare.
03
The two people who were suitable in the past are not necessarily suitable later, because people will not stay in the past stage, and they will grow up with time, marriage, and experience. The past is not necessarily a real fit, and it may also be that they do not have a deep relationship with each other at all.
Therefore, after getting married, you will feel that the other party has changed, after all, the frequency and speed of everyone's growth are different, and the ideas, cognition and thinking will change dramatically.
When a person becomes, even does not know himself, he may be known by you, and how can he be accepted by you for his changes. Growing together and moving in unison is easier said than done.
The environment can completely change a person, if you can not keep up with the changes of the other party in time, then the contradiction between husband and wife will become more and more serious, completely incomprehensible to each other, and even the behavior is completely out of their own acceptance category, so you think, how the partner has become what it is now.
But no matter how you think, how you doubt, life will continue, so what I want to say here, people will change after marriage, this is very normal, but also inevitable, you have to accept the partner at every stage, period of time, take every day as a new beginning, once and for all is not there.
Because of this, marriage is not easy, there are too many things to test, and as long as they are loyal to each other, they will be able to grow old in vain. Accept the change of the partner, but also accept the change of yourself, as long as the determination to go on does not change, the impact on the marriage is not large.
In this world, the best gentleness is that I walk faster than you, but I do not dislike you for walking slowly, but I am willing to stop and wait for you; I may know a lot more than you, but I will only say that I only know a little more than you.
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