Feeling loved is the most important emotional need of human beings, and in every human nature, there is a deep desire to be loved. Marriage is designed to meet this need for intimacy and love. However, in married life, often because of the different ways in which both parties express love, one party will feel that they already love each other, while the other party is still not satisfied and complains that they cannot feel each other's love. In fact, many times it is not that you do not do enough and are not good enough, but that you do not understand the way each other expresses love. To maintain "love" in marriage, both spouses need to learn and apply the following wisdom and skills for managing marriage.
One is to often say affirmative words. Everyone needs to be affirmed and appreciated, and couples in intimate relationships are no exception, but more important. Affirmative words are one of the positive behaviors that maintain intimacy, and affirmation and gratitude to the other person with positive words such as praise, appreciation, encouragement, recognition, kindness, and humility, the other person will be motivated and more willing to return you in the same way.
The second is to give each other high-quality companionship. To create high-quality time together, two people invest in each other and spend it together, focus on each other, listen to what the other person is saying, maintain eye contact when the other person speaks, don't do other things while listening, be sure to pay attention to each other's feelings, let love flow between you, the key is to lock each other's emotions by getting along together. Whether it's having a focused conversation, a candlelit dinner just for the two of you, a hand-in-hand walk, spending time with family after work or on weekends, watching a movie, or going on vacation.
The third is to act of love. Do what the other person wants you to do, make the other person happy through service in life, and show your love. This kind of caring action is often a small thing in life, it may be casually pouring yesterday's garbage, taking the initiative to pour each other a cup of hot water when it is cold, picking up the hair in the sink, wiping the white spots on the mirror, and doing a few small things for the other half out of spontaneous voluntariness will make the other party feel full of love.
The fourth is to prepare gifts attentively. A gift is a visual symbol of love, a reminder of "I still love you", which can be bought or made yourself; It can be a concrete object, or it can be an abstract spiritual feeling. On important days such as birthdays and anniversaries, give each other meaningful gifts, accompany each other to spend a warm time, or you can also give yourself as a gift to each other, when the other party is troubled and needs comfort, send understanding and support in time, which is also the best gift.
The fifth is to make warm physical contact. Physical contact is a manifestation and sublimation of intimacy. Physical contact such as holding hands, casual kisses, and affectionate hugs before going out can increase the feelings between each other, which is a manifestation of love and a silent language of love. Express your love for each other through physical contact and play a role in warming up love.
It should be noted that in these behaviors that promote feelings, the important thing is not which one you think is the most important, but that you understand which one the other person feels is most important and "do what you like" according to the needs of the other person. For how to understand the expression that the other party likes, you need to communicate frankly, directly express emotional needs, and also need to have a comprehensive understanding of each other's values in the long-term relationship.
The sixth is to stop your negative behavior. Negative behaviors are mainly those behaviors that force the other person to change in some way. Although people do these negative behaviors in the hope of maintaining the relationship between the two in the state they want or trying to repair the broken relationship, it is often counterproductive. Therefore, it is necessary to actively detect your negative behavior in intimate relationships and realize that what you are doing is not right, so that it is possible to stop these negative behaviors and maintain the relationship in a positive way.
The seventh is to develop good "emotional maintenance habits". Psychologists have found that when people deliberately make some actions to maintain the relationship, the other party is easy to detect, and the other party will keep a distance or even be vigilant about these behaviors, and will not respond emotionally. So you need to make positive behaviors that sustain relationships a daily habit and let the other person let down their vigilance.
Eighth, don't laugh at the act of expressing love. Influenced by traditional culture, many people do not leave space for their lover to express their emotions, and it is easy to subconsciously avoid each other's behavior of expressing love, and ridicule is one of them. This can greatly discourage the other person's enthusiasm to express their love again. Therefore, we must learn to accept each other's expression and actively affirm each other's behavior, because affirming the other party itself is a manifestation of love.
Source: Guiyang Civil Affairs Bureau
Proofreader: Liu Niu
Typesetting: Yang Ying
Responsible editor: Schaugen
Review: Liu Chang