The new writer Gong Gaofeng wrote in "Father's BlackFish": "Daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are natural enemies of each other, do not know how the Creator designed, a generation of mother-in-law and a generation of daughters-in-law, children and grandchildren are infinitely poor." ”
There are difficult scriptures in the family, among which the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the most difficult to deal with in this difficult scripture.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not a two-way, but a triangular relationship, and the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and man are three-legged and play a role, so that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be handled well and the family is stable.
People often advise, let the mother-in-law treat the daughter-in-law kindly, ten years to see the mother-in-law for ten years to see the daughter-in-law, many mothers-in-law do not care, think that they do not rely on the daughter-in-law after they are old, there is a son on the line, there is no need to treat the daughter-in-law well.
Why does the mother-in-law have to be kind to the daughter-in-law? In this regard, my grandmother, who had three daughters-in-law and whom they all recognized as a good mother-in-law, told me: "I am not your mother, but your father." I'm not good to your mom, your mom will be angry with your dad, your dad will be unhappy. He was a piece of flesh that fell from me, he was not doing well, can I be happy? Instead of everyone being uncomfortable and suffering together, it is better to have a good daughter-in-law and a good son, and I am better, less blockage. ”
As Tu Lei said: "Often a mother's true love for her son is that she loves her wife more, saying anything, saying a problem, first counting her own sons, not counting her daughters-in-law." ”
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not harmonious, and men are not people inside and outside, and they will also feel anxious. Whatever you do, you have to disappoint one of the people you love, what can the man do?
Therefore, as a mother-in-law, if you really feel sorry for your son, love Wu and Wu, be kind to your daughter-in-law, and don't let your son be a human being inside and outside, either not filial piety or not clear.
Regarding this truth, Aunt You did not understand that she treated her son and daughter-in-law exactly according to her own ideas, which had a negative impact on her son's marriage.
01. Why is it that if she is also a mother-in-law, she can get the filial piety of her daughter-in-law and enjoy the blessings of her children and grandchildren, and I have to be alone in my hometown?
Originally, the relationship between Aunt You and her daughter-in-law was not bad, the daughter-in-law would give Aunt You money every month, buy something for Aunt You to send back, every New Year, as long as it is possible to go home, the son's family of 4 will return to their hometown to accompany Aunt You to eat a Chinese New Year's Eve meal.
After all, Aunt You was kind to her daughter-in-law, serving her daughter-in-law twice and bringing up her grandchildren.
"When my grandson was 4 years old, I had a quarrel with my daughter-in-law, obviously it was her fault, but she did not admit it, but instead made a fuss about going back to her mother's house. In order not to ruin my son's small home, my wife dragged me back to my hometown, and I have been living in my hometown for 6 years. ”
At the end of last year, Aunt You's wife died of illness, leaving Only Aunt You alone, which made Aunt You feel lonely and unable to bear to live alone.
What made Aunt You's heart even more unbalanced was that she saw that her sister-in-law's life in her later years was much more comfortable than her own.
"My eldest sister-in-law did not wait for her daughter-in-law to confinement, but only helped them bring a baby for a few years." My niece and daughter-in-law were really filial, personally ran to her hometown, and my sister-in-law and my sister-in-law broke their lips, hoping to be coaxed and dragged, pulled their old two families into the car, took them to the provincial city, and lived with them. Why is it that if she is also a mother-in-law, she can get the filial respect of her daughter-in-law and enjoy the blessings of her children and grandchildren, and I have to be alone in my hometown? ”
The more Aunt You thought about it, the more angry she became, so she called her son many times and made a fuss about staying at her son's house. After a week of trouble, the son and daughter-in-law compromised, bought a ticket for Aunt You, and let Aunt You pass. In this regard, Aunt You is very unhappy, thinking that they do not understand the old man, resulting in her still having to suffer on the road.
02. I regret that I should not have left my son's house and did not adjust my daughter-in-law;
Aunt You got her wish and moved into her son's house, and her daughter-in-law was also very good, and cleaned up the bedroom with a balcony facing south for Aunt You to live in.
However, on the first day of arriving at her son's house, Aunt You saw that her daughter-in-law was very unpleasant, and she felt very regretful, thinking that she should not have left her son's house in the first place, and it was precisely because she was gone, and no one took care of her daughter-in-law, and her daughter-in-law would become so lazy.
"Son and daughter-in-law go to work at nine o'clock in the morning, it takes half an hour on the road, then it should be up early to make breakfast, my daughter-in-law is good, I can't wait to get up at eight o'clock, brush my teeth and wash my face, simply clean up and run, let me go downstairs to buy breakfast to eat." Can you eat the things that come out of the gutter oil? ”
"I went to their bedroom and looked, oh my God! The table was full of cosmetics, what sunscreen, moisturizer, lipstick bought several, opened the closet to see, clothes stuffed a cabinet. Let's say down jackets, one piece is at least 1,000 yuan, buy two pieces and wash one change on the line? A down jacket can be worn for several years! Do I need to buy it every year? I saw at least four pieces and don't know how many she threw away. Are they all mothers of two children, still so fond of beauty? What's going on with this dress? Not even a knee, bad manners! ”
"Is it so cold?" The temperature in my hometown is much lower than here, and I didn't turn on the air conditioner! How expensive is the electricity bill! Wouldn't it be enough to build a few more quilts? ”
When it came time to cook, Aunt You was even more angry. Although the daughter-in-law bought vegetables and came back, she just cut the vegetables well, and when Aunt You's son got off work, she took charge of the spoon, and saw that her son, who had spoiled her for more than twenty years, had to cook or brush the pots and wash the dishes after work, and Aunt You felt that her heart was cut by a knife.
Therefore, Aunt You began to work hard to adjust her daughter-in-law, hoping that her daughter-in-law would become a virtuous wife and mother, rather than a "selfish" woman who would only call her husband, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law instantly intensified.
03. I went to my sister-in-law to ask for my mother-in-law's scriptures, was it really my mistake?
Seeing that grandma and mother quarreled every day, Aunt You's eldest granddaughter couldn't see it anymore, and soon after going to her son's house for the elderly, Aunt You was persuaded by her granddaughter to reply: "You came for half a month, my father didn't sleep 1 good night, didn't you notice his dark circles?" When I got up in the morning to go to the bathroom, I could hear my mother's crying and my father's sigh. Grandma, can you hurt your son a little bit, can't you? ”
Aunt You listened to her granddaughter's words and felt very angry at first, thinking that her granddaughter was not filial, but when she really noticed that her son was indeed not very energetic, she also felt anxious and asked her son.
"Mom, to tell you the truth, I've been going crazy lately. Due to the impact of the epidemic, the efficiency of our company has declined significantly, the company has laid off many people, I am afraid that one day it will be my turn, overtime requirements never dare to refuse, I was exhausted. Back at home, I want to rest well, I want to talk to my wife. Before you came, we could still complain to each other and comfort each other, and after you came, only her share of the complaint was not about work, but about you. I'm your son again, you say, what should I say? While worrying about work, I have to worry about you two, you have three heads and six arms! ”
The more the son said, the more emotionally broken, leaving Aunt You speechless, but Aunt You thought about it for half a day, and she didn't feel that there was anything wrong with her, so she had to call her sister-in-law and ask her about her experience as a mother-in-law.
After listening to Aunt You's story for more than an hour, most of the content of the talk was not the daughter-in-law's, Aunt You's sister-in-law told her: "I don't tell you where you are wrong, you and your daughter-in-law are not a person of the times, the three views are not compatible, Xiu cai met the soldiers, it is reasonable to say no, this sentence can be understood!" That's the case for you. If you want to solve it, there is one way. ”
Seeing the heart is quiet, either you control your mouth, no longer nagging, control your temper, or you go back, live your own life, leave their affairs alone, listen to the words of the sister-in-law, see the son with a sad face, Aunt You had to tell them: "That, help me buy a ticket, I don't adapt to life in the big city, I still go back to my hometown!" You guys are on vacation, don't forget to go back and see me, and also, call me often. ”
04. If you can't change your mind and can't integrate into the small family of your son and daughter-in-law, keep your distance as much as possible!
There is a saying in "Secular and Three Views": There is no standard for the three views, and in the world of crows, swans are also sins.
Aunt You is older, and may still have a little bit of the old society's thoughts in her mind, such as male superiority and female inferiority, women are free nannies at home, etc., she has come this way, adapted to decades, has long recognized this idea, and formed such three views. It's hard to change her, she's an elder, and it's even harder to communicate.
Being stubborn and saying that you can't use filial piety to suppress people is the most common method used by many elders, and it also makes children want to escape from their parents and are unwilling to communicate with their parents in depth.
If you can't change your mind and can't integrate into the small family of your son and daughter-in-law, keep your distance as much as possible! Can't get along harmoniously, then you have to keep a distance, don't see the heart, can't see, control your mouth, say less, it won't cause too many misunderstandings.
END.
Today's topic: Do you have any good advice to Aunt You? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.