There is a saying on the Internet: a good mother-in-law relationship is not necessarily helpful for the maintenance of marriage; a bad mother-in-law relationship is definitely the last straw that overwhelms marriage.
As soon as it comes to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, many people have endless grievances, including men and women.
Newly married women will pour out that it is too difficult to be a daughter-in-law, meet the mother-in-law who treats herself as an outsider, not only become a free nanny of the in-laws' family, to work to earn money, to have children, but also to manage housework, but also to be wronged, can not see half a bit of hope.
People who have become mother-in-law also have a stomach to complain about, and they think that mother-in-law is difficult to do. A daughter-in-law is different from a daughter, she can't scold, and she must be cautious when she speaks, otherwise she may misinterpret her meaning and cause misunderstanding. Bumping into a daughter-in-law who has no gratitude will also kick them away as cattle and horses, both paying and contributing, under the banner that you are helping your son is not me, you have not given birth to me, why should I give you a pension, and refuse to treat yourself kindly.
Men believe that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not harmonious, they are rats in the bellows, and they are not people inside and out. Help the wife, scolded by the parents for not filial piety, married the daughter-in-law and forgot the parents; help the parents, scolded by the wife is not a man, not worth entrusting for life, divorce, but also have to wear a mother's hat.
As Susan Foward says, "For manipulative parents, the marriage of a child is extremely threatening." They see their children's spouses as competitors for their children's feelings, and they are at war with them, and children are often enemies in order to balance the relationship between the two sides. ”
In the past few days, the aunt who went to serve her daughter-in-law to confinement was aggrieved, taking advantage of the opportunity to go home to get things, pouring bitter water with acquaintances, saying that it was difficult for her mother-in-law to do: "Serving her confinement, arguing with me 3 times, the money spent people are also angry." ”
01. I wanted to sell my house and buy a big four-bedroom apartment, but she wanted a two-person world;
Long before her son got married, Aunt Gao felt that her daughter-in-law did not meet her expectations, and was a more selfish girl who only cared about herself and did not care about others.
"When she got married, she asked for a bride price, and the bride price was 100,000, which was fine, not much, and I gave it." As for the house, I promised it too. Originally, I thought so, I and my husband have a house under their name, in the city, the city economy is not prosperous, the house price is not high, but it is worth a little money, I plan to sell, as a down payment, buy a four-bedroom apartment in the city, a small two-family to live, our old two live in one, at that time, my mother-in-law is still alive, live in one, the baby lives in one, four generations of the same house, how good! They go to work to earn money, our old couple do housework, cook for them, be responsible for bringing babies, each has a division of labor, isn't it good? ”
However, the daughter-in-law immediately rejected the plan, on the grounds that the way of living in the same house for several generations was outdated, and the small family model was now prevalent, that is, children living separately from their parents.
The daughter-in-law saw a three-bedroom apartment, with a down payment of 500,000 yuan, and let the in-laws prepare half of it.
"One we live in, two for the children, what if I have a son and a daughter?" If you or my parents come as guests, there is also a place to sleep. I don't take advantage of it, and the down payment is half out. ”
As a guest, the word deeply stung Aunt Gao's heart and made her feel very dissatisfied. However, the son also agreed with his girlfriend's idea, insisted on this plan, no way, Aunt Gao agreed, funded half of their down payment, let them live separately.
02. Kindly wait for her confinement, argue with me 3 times, who is unreasonable?
Aunt Gao served her daughter-in-law to confinement this time, after the daughter-in-law gave birth to a second daughter.
"When my daughter-in-law gave birth to her first child, that is, when my grandson was born, my mother-in-law was critically ill and could not do without people, there was no way, I had to give money, invited my sister-in-law to serve, and later, my mother came, helped, and took the child for a few years, which was also very good."
When the daughter-in-law was pregnant with her second child and was about to give birth, Aunt Gao rushed over to take care of her daughter-in-law, waited for her to confinement, and planned to stay and take care of her grandchildren for a while.
"Perhaps, we get along well, have feelings, she found the benefit of having a mother-in-law, willing to live with us?" When the time comes, it is better to change to another big house. ”
However, what Aunt Gao did not expect was that she was kind enough to serve her daughter-in-law to confinement, and her daughter-in-law did not appreciate it, and quarreled with her 3 times a month, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was tense.
The first time, it was for the confinement to wash her hair. The daughter-in-law recovered better because she was in a normal birth, and on the fifth day she clamored to wash her hair.
"You can't wash your hair and take a bath during confinement, this is common sense, you can't get cold, you have to suffer for a lifetime, such as me, I didn't sit well in the confinement, as soon as it rains, the joints hurt, and I can't sleep at night." I said it, and she didn't listen, saying it was the old yellow calendar. ”
Aunt Gao fought with her daughter-in-law and went to her son for comment, and was half dead by her son's words "listen to her".
The second time, it was for the granddaughter to drink milk. Daughter-in-law milk is insufficient, she plans to milk powder to feed the baby, Aunt Gao thinks breastfeeding is better, found a lot of ways to induce milk, boiled the soup for the daughter-in-law to drink, but the daughter-in-law is disgusted with the taste and refuses to drink.
"Yes, I didn't put too many condiments to ensure the effect, but I really did it for the good of the children!" What baby doesn't drink breast milk and drink milk powder? Can resistance work? ”
What's more, knowing that the reason why the daughter-in-law did not breastfeed was because she was worried about affecting her figure, Aunt Gao became even more angry, thinking that the daughter-in-law was an unqualified mother.
As for the third time, it has something to do with the grandson. The grandson is 5 years old this year, likes to eat potato chips and always skips rice. The daughter-in-law was angry and forbade anyone to give the child pocket money, and if the child did not eat, she would let the child go hungry.
"Hungry twice, can this work?" How can you force a child to correct it so much? ”
Therefore, Aunt Gao bought potato chips for the child, which angered the daughter-in-law and quarreled again.
03. Well, since you all want to have a personal space, then I live my own, the eyes are not quiet, ok!
Referring to the experience of serving her daughter-in-law's confinement, Aunt Gao felt very wronged.
"The money was also spent, and the granddaughter's daily necessities were all picked up and bought, afraid that she would not be satisfied, saying that I hated my granddaughter." I also gave her money to buy herself something to replenish her body. What she wanted to eat, I bought, no words. ”
Contributing and paying, in exchange for the result of arguing three times, made Aunt Gao feel extremely broken.
After listening to Aunt Gao's complaints, another aunt who got along well with her daughter-in-law made some suggestions to her.
"First of all, the first quarrel, it is really you who are left behind. She wants to wash her hair and take a bath, which is normal, as long as it doesn't get cold and blows dry in time. The second time she quarreled, she really wasn't quite right, breastfeeding was better for the child. About this matter, you can tell your son and ask your son to find some expert to say to her, instead of you simply and rudely accusing her. You scold your daughter, she can't listen to it, let alone your daughter-in-law? As for the third time, it is also your fault, where are you so accustomed to children? You are so accustomed, the child has an umbrella, will you still listen to the mother's words? ”
Listening to the words of her peers, and thinking of going to find her son, and her son didn't want to talk to her, Aunt Gao felt more and more that it was good not to live with them.
Therefore, Aunt Gao consulted with her son, gave the daughter-in-law a sum of money, invited a nanny to come over, help to serve it, and brought a baby, and she went back to the house, and the daughter-in-law accepted the plan, apologized to Aunt Gao, and said that she would go to see her when she had time.
04. It is not difficult to want a mother-in-law, and mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and men must correct their positioning.
I once read a sentence in a book: "Marriage is the union of two families, and some contradictions do not arise just because they live together, and there must be no contradictions without living together." The most important point between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to correct their role positioning. ”
As a mother-in-law, you must understand that the son has grown up, becomes an adult, has his own life, it is time to let go, you cannot accompany him for the rest of his life, and the person who should accompany him is the daughter-in-law. If you don't want your son to die alone, you must respect the status of the hostess of the daughter-in-law's family, respect the opinions of the daughter-in-law, and find less trouble for the daughter-in-law.
You are looking for trouble for your daughter-in-law, and your daughter-in-law is looking for trouble for your son, and in the end, isn't it still your son who pits you? As a mother, we must feel sorry for our children.
As a daughter-in-law, you must also be a little measured, perhaps, the mother-in-law is a little backward in thinking, but if she is really for your own good, please respect her and give the man some face. Also, remember the good of others, compare hearts to hearts, repay the peach, be kind to your mother-in-law who is good to you, and don't be an ungrateful person.
Finally, men also have to put themselves in their place, and in the mother-in-law relationship, you are the lubricant.
Teacher Wu Zhihong, a well-known psychologist, wrote in his best-selling book "Why The Family Hurts People": "The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a lie, the triangular relationship is the truth, and the son, as the core of the triangular relationship, is the best candidate to regulate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law." ”
If you can carry it clearly, don't stand idly by, don't pull a bias, take the initiative to reconcile the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, let these two women give each other face for you, treat each other kindly, otherwise, your family is fragmented, you bear the name, purely deserved.
END.
Today's topic: Which do you think is the biggest problem with Aunt Gao or her daughter-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.