Talk about love, what kind of vision and cognition you should have

I found that some girls can't fall in love well, and one of the root causes, to put it bluntly, is ignorance.

If you don't like to hear this, you can just cross it out, and if you are willing to listen to it, I guarantee that you will reap the rewards.

I remember when a girl came to me, she was in a very bad state, and I advised her that your ex may not be suitable for you, and you should not get it back.

As a result, the girl began to attack me: Teacher Yuchen, you are very cold-blooded, you have not tried to love a person deeply, you have not lost dozens of pounds for a person, you are not depressed enough to need to take medicine to continue your life.

Her definition of love is to ignore the other party's tea and dinner, lose weight and insomnia, and ignore her own health and life, which is equivalent to saying that love is pain, and there is no love without pain.

In fact, it can be seen from here that sometimes people's understanding of love is very shallow, and when you are in the middle of the game, you can't see your own ignorance.

Of course, from my point of view, the understanding of love is also diverse, and everyone has their own blind spots and points that they do not understand.

Perhaps in our ignorant adolescence, our imagination of love comes from our parents, or our relationship with our parents of the opposite sex.

For example, your parents pay you infinitely, often telling you that "I have been for you all my life" and you believe that love is this kind of cramming, tragic style, and at all costs. So that in your own love later, you unconsciously reproduce the same relationship pattern, firmly believing that normal emotional relationships are accompanied by pain.

But does love have to hurt? Of course not.

In my opinion, the reason why most people can't manage an intimate relationship is that you have a fixed outline of your perception of love, which may have been instilled in you by society, family, or even TV dramas.

It may have something to do with the fact that you haven't been in much of a relationship.

The reason why many people are single is also here, less experience, low quality, you don't know what love is, don't know why men and women are together, how to be together, just by virtue of instinctive external attraction, and the original family learned a trick and a half, you enter the romantic relationship, feel the stones across the river.

As a visitor, I can give you some small advice.

People who are not good at love, do not have a good relationship with their parents, either hate one of their parents, or hate both, and they are suppressed and raised.

Without enough love from parents, in their own love relationship, the love for each other is very uncomfortable, such as a strong possessiveness, or a high level of panic when encountering contradictions, anxiety and anger will spread quickly. In order to achieve a person to reunite with themselves and show the loss of self.

When they came to me for counseling, the first thing I looked at was not the relationship between him and his partner, but the relationship between him and his parents and the relationship with the former love object.

Recently, reconciliation with the original family has been very popular, I think you don't necessarily have to act to reconcile, because you may not be able to do it, but when you fall in love, you have to reconcile with your own heart, don't bring these things into your own love.

Don't want what kind of scumbag you try, you have seen more people, poor rich, ugly handsome, tall, fat and thin, etc. is useless, you are looking for a job can not be frequently changed right, is not conducive to long-term development.

In a high-quality relationship, you have experienced the pleasure of the real sexes, experienced the stomach of another person, experienced the contradictions and pains of the run-in in the feelings, and the way of thinking of the opposite sex, you have the opportunity to have a broader vision, to look at things in multiple dimensions, your whole person's elasticity, your endurance is increasing, good love will make you grow.

Screen and confirm which traits of your partner you need more. The more specific you are, the clearer you are of your needs. Maybe before you were at a loss about your mate selection goals, and when people asked you what kind of people you liked, you would say look at the feelings.

However, after some emotional experience, people can say a lot of specific things, such as emotional stability, high appearance, home conditions such as having a house and a car, and so on.

It seems that the scope is narrowed, picky, in fact, this is also a kind of broadening, which means that you have your own figurative requirements for the relationship, and may also establish some bottom lines, if the other party is within your requirements, do not trample on your bottom line, other small shortcomings you can endure, but also willing to pay, and the other party does not meet your requirements, you will not go to the or blind for love and dedication of yourself.

We must try to pursue deep love, at least through a relationship, let our horizons broaden, cognitive improvement, rather than getting worse and worse, more and more decadent, understand?

Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you

1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?

Yes, I often feel tired —2

Rarely quarrel over small things—2

Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3

2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?

Yes —3

Not —4

3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?

It is often said that -5

Not much to say —4

4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?

Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6

Occasionally they ask and say —5

Hardly to say, nothing to say —5

5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?

Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7

Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6

Do my best, I want to get --B

6. Did you break up because of a third party?

Yes—A

No —7

7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?

Yes—D

No—C