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Robinson Crusoe: "We always feel that we lack something and are not satisfied because we lack gratitude for what we have received." ”
You should learn to be content, and the sooner you learn to be content, the better it is for yourself. If not, it will lose the favorable situation and usher in an unfavorable situation because of dissatisfaction.
Perhaps you have had such an experience: seeing the harsher environment with your own eyes, you understand the benefits of the original environment; when the mountains and rivers are exhausted, you regret not cherishing what you originally enjoyed.
This is the curse of incompatience, the result of not knowing how to cherish what has been obtained.
In the process of running a marriage, we should pay more attention to this problem, and in addition to both husband and wife, we must also guide the families of both parties to pay attention to this problem, so that every role involved in the marriage can benefit from it.
The following reader corrects the mother-in-law's concept, the method used is related to the "contentment" mentioned above, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
In my opinion, there is no marriage in the world that is completely problemless, more or less problematic, because the concepts of the various roles involved in marriage cannot be completely consistent.
I think that finding a way to adjust the concept of each role to a consistent state is the focus of running a marriage. In this way, we can ensure that everyone is in the same direction and works together, so that "home and everything will be happy".
My husband and I have basically been in agreement in the course of a long relationship, so there is not much problem between the two of us. The problem is only that there are differences in our concepts between us and our mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law thought that her son was not obliged to give his parents-in-law a pension, not only asked her son in this way, but also clearly told me: "I am not allowed to let my son give your parents a pension, he has no such obligation!" ”
On the issue of providing for both parents, I talked to my husband and I a long time ago, and finally we agreed that no one can be less, and we can't just ask my daughter-in-law to give my mother-in-law a pension, and his son-in-law should also give a pension to his in-laws.
We didn't think that our mother-in-law would be at odds with our ideas, so that when the problem suddenly appeared, we were all a little helpless. Although we talked about our plan, although my husband told her a lot of truth, she couldn't listen to it, insisting that if we didn't do what she said, it would be filial piety.
What to do? You can't get a divorce in one go! However, talking to her well will not have any effect, which is really worrying.
My husband and I discussed it for several days, and finally decided to scare her and play a trick of "wanting to get away with it", specifically: fake divorce.
In fact, I thought of "fake divorce" at the beginning, but I thought it was a bit disgraceful. After all, my mother-in-law is old, I am worried that there will be mistakes, and I am even more worried that it will be self-defeating, and it will be difficult to end in trouble in the end.
My husband gave me a reassuring pill: "Don't worry, the only feasible way now is to fake divorce, let her experience what kind of consequences her stubborn ideas will cause, then she will not enjoy the current life, naturally will understand that it is better to do as we say." 」 ”
Next, he was mainly performing, first telling his mother-in-law that we had broken up and divorced because of the problem of "old-age", and then pretending to be very helpless and sad, slightly alienating the mother-in-law.
This result is very touching for the mother-in-law, because she needs to rely on her son. Originally, she wanted her son to remarry, so that she could ask her son and daughter-in-law to continue to act according to her requirements. But when she found that this road did not work, she began to reflect on whether she had done something wrong.
My husband took this opportunity to tell her the truth of "empathy": "You are a parent, other people's parents are also parents, you ask others to give you a pension, why can't people ask me to give her parents a pension?" It's not fair to people, isn't it? The little two take care of both parents at the same time, so that the three families can enjoy themselves, which is definitely better than just making the two families happy. The little two volunteer to do this, and have the ability to bear it, why can't you be an adult beauty? ”
Judging from my mother-in-law's answer, she had been persuaded by my husband that our plan had succeeded, because what she said was: "Can you remarry your ex-wife now?" I'm afraid she won't remarry you, and I don't think I'll have a chance to behave. ”
My husband said, "As long as you don't get so stubborn, we can remarry because she has no other requirements." ”
The mother-in-law promised him that he would not be stubborn again, and then we pretended to remarry, and the problem was solved smoothly.
I think as long as it is a human problem, it is not difficult to solve, the key is to find a breakthrough in the problem. Even if sometimes you use some unconventional methods, use some seemingly disgraceful methods, as long as you can solve the problem, it is a good method, you say?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The marital problems that the woman encountered, many people have encountered, in my opinion, is the best way to count her.
Some people encounter this kind of problem, only care about the mood, feel unfair, gamble and are unwilling to give their mother-in-law a pension.
Some people encounter this kind of problem, think that the mother-in-law is not a good person, and divorce in a fit of anger.
After encountering this kind of problem, some people ostensibly do what their mother-in-law says, but in fact secretly implement it in the way that the two families discuss.
None of these practices were as good as the couple's, and she herself was worried that it was not too disgraceful, and I felt that there was nothing disgraceful about it. The way to solve the problem is not only to break through head-on, but also to break through from the side, as long as the method is appropriate, as long as it can play an effect, it is a good way.
The couple uses a "heart-attacking" method, a method based on the psychology of the mother-in-law, with the purpose of allowing her to make choices by comparing the good and bad of her life before and after. It seems to force her to compromise, but in fact it is not so serious, and her "compromise" is beneficial, not only beneficial to herself, but also to the completion of her son and daughter-in-law.
There is an ability called "problem-solving", and everyone should focus on cultivating this ability of their own. If you don't have this ability, it is easy to have a tendon, and if you can't break through head-on, you just think of divorce. Only with this ability, will be like the couple, after encountering problems, they can analyze from different angles to achieve a win-win or even win-win effect.