Author/Window Sill
In this world, there is basically no relationship, and there is no need to deliberately manage it, and it can always go on without incident, even including family affection and love.
In many people's inherent concepts, they always think that in front of people close to them, they don't have to care so much about some details, but in fact, people who think like this are really wrong. Just like Zhang Yiwei wrote in "The Feast of The Little People": the closer the person, the easier it is to play a rogue. People who can't get away with it are more adept at failing.
In the final analysis, it is because when we do this, we always think that no matter how willful we are, the other party will not leave.
This view may be more determined in family affection, especially parents and children, parents can always tolerate their children indefinitely, but this does not mean that they will not be sad and sad, and in other emotions, they are much more disappointed, basically when the relationship begins to countdown.
Especially in love, the sweet past of two people together always causes some people to easily overestimate their weight in each other's hearts, thinking that with this friendship, the other party can always tolerate and love themselves like their parents. That's not true. The guardianship and obsession in love are just the hormones in the established time, and after cooling down, the test is still the quality of the relationship itself. To put it bluntly, it is whether two people will operate, and how they feel in this relationship is not comfortable.
Marriage, never prove anything, it is not a love preserver, nor is it a source of security, or a sense of value breeding ground, marriage is nothing. And what a marriage certificate can give to each other is only two people, a relationship that is uncertain, a creation, what will happen in the future, no one knows, and can not absolutely guarantee you anything.
Next, it depends on how the two of you manage the marriage, the way of doing business is different, and the final outcome of the marriage may be very different.
If you do nothing, but think that a person can love you for a lifetime, this is basically a fantasy, and if you do too much, to want a person to love you for a lifetime, it is also whimsical.
I want to remind you that between husband and wife, the relationship is harmonious, there are 3 things that can not be done, really hurt.
01. Keep going through old accounts in front of each other
In the marriage relationship, some things have passed in the past.
If you have been dissatisfied with something, a certain result, then you bring it up and two people sit together and try to solve it. If this matter cannot be solved, in fact, for the development of the relationship between two people, you had better turn this matter over.
Chattering through old accounts will not solve anything, but will make the current situation worse and worse.
Before, I didn't realize the importance of this matter, and even thought that the people who turned over the old accounts were just obsessed with those unsolved problems, and there was a gap in their hearts, but the problem was: if it can't be solved, no matter how much you emphasize, in fact, the gap still exists. That is to say, the more you talk about the final effect, not only can not change the status quo, but also add more trouble to yourself.
In a marriage, the number of girls who turn over old accounts tends to be more and more, which actually affects the communication effect of two people.
I know a girl, she is the kind of person who loves to turn over old accounts, every time there is a conflict, she can't help but take out the old things from the past and say them, repeat them again and again, and in the end, what kind of effect will be formed? She thinks she's communicating every time, and her husband only thinks she's talking nonsense, and then no matter what she says, men don't listen. Since then, the door to communication between them has been completely closed.
In fact, rationally think about it, her husband's approach is not without reason, because when she is only blindly turning over old accounts, in fact, the communication between the two of them is completely ineffective communication. In the past, it is said over and over again that in addition to their own unconsciousness, outsiders are more annoyed, and intimate relationships are no exception.
Between two people, it is better to try to communicate effectively, and when communicating, focus on the following thinking: What is the problem that has emerged? How do we solve it? Can it be solved? What should I do if I can't solve it? Instead of turning over old accounts, under the guise of communication, it is actually a catharsis.
02. Don't always say heartfelt words
Two intimate people must understand what the weakness of the other party is, understand and understand, when arguing with each other, do not use this as a weapon to attack each other.
Perhaps, for the time being, I put my qi out, and my heart was comfortable, but a good word was warm in three winters, and the bad words hurt people in June, and some words were said, just like the water that was spilled out, and it could not be recovered.
The closer people attack themselves, in fact, the more they can poke at the sentimentality in a person's heart, the lethality is really great, and everyone often remembers this kind of thing very deeply. If, for the first time, you accidentally say a heartfelt word, the other party may choose to completely put it down, but if you say too much, it is impossible not to go to your heart, because it is inevitable that people will think that you are deliberate.
As a result, the estrangement slowly arose.
The original intimate relationship may have gradually produced a rift unconsciously, at least one point: if it is me, the people close to me use my weakness to blindly attack verbally, out of the subconscious psychology of self-preservation, then I should never again, in front of the other party, confess my true emotions and vulnerability.
Isn't that how the distance between many people is slowly alienated?
03. Don't say too many bad things about each other's parents
Family affection is an emotion that everyone cannot give up in their lives, and it is also one of the most important emotions, and the identity of parents carries the direction of a person's journey, and the importance is self-evident.
Although the two people have married and formed a small family, at this time, to a certain extent, have been separated from their original family, this does not mean that the separation of the relationship with the original family is just one more identity in the future.
Therefore, whether it is a man or a woman, do not say too many bad things about each other's parents in front of each other, and try to use their own thoughts to point fingers.
Whether you are well-intentioned, unintentional or deliberate, the result of doing so will not only not be as desired, but will hurt the feelings of two people.
Between husband and wife, close to each other, the relationship looks very hard, but at the same time it is very weak, a little inattention, may be the fate quietly broken. This requires everyone in it to feel carefully, to respect, and to maintain, relying on the joint management of two people. Only in this way can the relationship between husband and wife pass with the passage of time, like an old wine, lasting for a long time, and more and more inseparable from each other.
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