Author/Child
Chatting with a 56-year-old aunt, she talked about some unspoken rules that exist between siblings.
She said that at her age, she will completely understand from her heart that no matter how good the relationship between brothers and sisters, when they were young, they were one family, and after they became a family, they were always two families. Although blood relations are very important to exist, but people's hearts can not be overestimated, many things can not only look at the surface, after all, face project such things, everyone will do, some kind words can only be listened to, can never be too much emphasis on family affection.
It can be valued, but it cannot be overly valued, and family affection cannot be regarded as a really indispensable thing in life, and there must be a concept of "treating hard and not demanding".
Between brothers and sisters, the outfit had to be installed.
First, dress up when you are poor.
At this point, what is loaded? Auntie said that when you are poor, don't go to your brothers and sisters to cry about your financial constraints, it is not easy for individuals, these things are good to understand in your heart, complain a lot, like a Xianglin sister-in-law nagging, it is not a good thing. Moreover, others know your poverty, your weaknesses, even if they are your brothers and sisters, they superficially comfort you and sympathize with you, but this sympathy is easy to carry a condescending meaning, they will think that they are better than you, and they may look down on you from the heart for a long time.
Auntie was deeply impressed.
She is the eldest sister in the family, but because the economic conditions in the family are the worst, she does not understand when she is young, she always complains in front of her sisters that she has no money to use, and complains about her husband's laziness and incompetence. Of course, she said that this did not affect their relationship on the surface, and now the four brothers and sisters still communicate frequently. But there are some things, some situations, the aunt has always had a gap in her heart.
For example, because she was poor, her younger siblings liked to give advice on anything in the aunt's family, and let the aunt do what they wanted, and sometimes there would be disputes. Including the fact that the aunt has no sons and only two daughters, the younger daughters are in high school, and there is a sister who lets her have another son, saying that she can rely on such words when she is old. When her young daughter was admitted to the three books, the tuition fee was more expensive, and the aunt meant that if the child wanted to go to school, she had to meet the child's wishes even if she worked hard.
However, the relatives in the family, at that time, all came to persuade her, saying that the test was not good, the tuition fee was expensive, the family conditions were not good, and they also sent their children to such an expensive school, and let the aunt's daughter go out to work, saying that this could reduce the burden.
This is the first time that the aunt has been angry, because it is okay to say it once, and when she says it twice, the aunt thinks: This is my family's business, whether it is enough for me to decide, and I don't want you to pay a penny, and I don't need you to teach me how to do it.
Because the aunt was angry, everyone didn't say anything later.
Until now, the aunt is still glad that she respects the child's wishes and choices, and her young daughter was admitted to the establishment after graduation, which is already a good way out in the aunt's view. At that time, she was strongly advised not to let her daughter read three books, and her two children were also three books, and they were all sent to read.
Look, people are always like this, they carry the banner of being good for you, and sometimes they are really just unconsciously showing off their sense of superiority.
Another point is that because of poverty, the aunt does the most things in front of her parents, and she has the least right to speak, although she is the eldest sister, but no matter what opinions she puts forward, basically few people will adopt it. Especially when it comes to family affairs, auntie's parents are always used to listening to the views of the two richest children, saying that what is what is is always respectful, and dare not disobey at all. Auntie said, to be fair, I do the most things in front of my parents, but my father also has the most temper in front of me, people are poor, many times no matter how much you do, you will not be really respected, that is, you feel that you have to bully better.
This point, really realistic, do not believe that look at the glass of wine, the cup of wine first respect the rich. People's instinct is often Mu Qiang, and most people's definition of strong may be judged directly by economic ability.
Second, it should be installed when you are rich.
Of course, the aunt's current conditions are not very rich, but now over fifty years old, compared to the life of the young, it is really much better, the money owed for buying a house is over, the eldest daughter is married, married very well, the younger daughter has also graduated from college, the two daughters are filial and sensible, often buy things for the family to take money, but also take the initiative to pay the aunt to pay social security, so that the aunt can have a pension. Therefore, the aunt's current life can be said to be without any pressure, the four brothers and sisters she is now the most relaxed, everyone else has one or two sons, and the task on her shoulders is unconsciously a lot heavier.
At this time, the aunt never deliberately talked about her current situation in front of her brothers and sisters, afraid of being over-interpreted, just now the retirement salary is almost two thousand yuan, which has made the two sisters of the aunt say countless times, saying that now the aunt does not go to work, and there is money to take a month, which is more comfortable than them. People, especially those close to them, have a common feature: they think you are poor, but they are also afraid that you are rich.
In this world, there are not many people who can really hope that you are good from the bottom of their hearts. Between brothers and sisters, if there is no real deep friendship, and the other does not have the psychology of tolerance and generosity, it is not strange that jealousy arises.
Sometimes her sister sighed and said, "I didn't expect that my eldest sister is now the best one to live." Auntie always replied: "What a good thing, but compared to before, there is not so much economic pressure, the days are still tight." ”
Auntie's mentality has not changed much, she is still relatively frugal, although the superficial relationship with brothers and sisters is very good, but just like when she was young, it is impossible to say that she really communicates, whether she speaks or does things, she always has reservations. In fact, this is the really correct way to get along.
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