Yuezi vendetta, is it really so difficult for women to put down?
Hearing this question, my answer is "yes". Women can't let go of the moon feud, not to be careful, not stingy, not selfish, but to forgive is love, not to forgive is the duty, no one can force her.
Confinement is a very important period in a woman's life, at that time, women have just experienced the pain of childbirth, the body is extremely weak, easy to be invaded by bacteria and diseases, the psychology is also very fragile, easy to think more, is the most need for men and family care. At this time, people who add blockages and find trouble for women have bad intentions and are difficult to forgive.
Speaking of the feud of the confinement, nine times out of ten it is related to the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, as a daughter-in-law, it is really difficult to forgive the mother-in-law who hurt her during the confinement period, just because the woman is so bitter about the woman.
The mother-in-law has also given birth and has also sat in confinement, and she knows the pain of women giving birth to confinement, but she wants to inflict such pain on the daughter-in-law's body, so that she cannot see the daughter-in-law's good mother-in-law, and the daughter-in-law does not forgive, which is very normal.
As Dong Qing once said: "Some things are not worthy of forgiveness, and have nothing to do with generosity." ”
The person who asked me this question was a 53-year-old man surnamed Ye, who was very distressed because of the contradiction between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and was criticized by some relatives and friends.
The reason why Mr. Ye's mother and daughter-in-law have sharp contradictions is because of the feud of Yuezi.
01. My mother was sick and hospitalized, and relatives came to trouble me: your wife is retired, why don't you take care of it;
Mr. Ye's father has passed away, and his mother lives alone in her hometown, 74 years old this year.
Some time ago, Mr. Ye's mother felt unwell, and after going to the hospital for examination, she underwent surgery, so she needed someone to help take care of her. Although Mr. Ye has an older sister, he is married far away and needs to bring grandchildren, which is beyond the reach of the whip.
"Why didn't your daughter-in-law come to take care of me?" Isn't she already retired? Not only did my mother think of Mr. Ye's retired wife, but some relatives and my mother's friends called to teach Mr. Ye a lesson.
"The mother-in-law is sick, and the daughter-in-law does not come to serve, like words?" Your wife is so bad, you as a husband don't know how to manage. ”
"Don't talk about any contradictions, don't contradict them, what are you talking about with an old man?"
"To educate her children, we must lead by example, and you tell her that if she does not honor her mother-in-law, her daughter will learn from her, and when she is old, she will not care about her, she will definitely realize her mistake and come back to serve your mother." 」
What's more, he suggested that Mr. Ye use divorce as a threat to force his wife to return to her hometown.
These relatives know that their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is not harmonious, but only Mr. Ye knows that the relationship between the mother and his wife cannot be summed up by the two words of discord.
02. 26 years ago, I know exactly how my mother treated her who gave birth to a daughter;
28 years ago, Mr. Ye and his wife fell in love freely and married.
"When I wanted to marry her, my mother objected, on the grounds that my wife didn't look like someone who could have a son. Not only was I the only son of my parents, but also the only grandson of my grandfather, and they pinned their hopes on me for succession, plus the rule at that time that only one could be born, so my mother cared a lot about this. ”
Mr. Ye thought his mother's statement was nonsense and insisted on getting married. In the third year after marriage, Mr. Ye's wife gave birth to a daughter, which made Mr. Ye's mother very angry, accusing her son of disobedience and useless daughter-in-law, while refusing to take care of her daughter-in-law's confinement, and her granddaughter did not care.
Mr. Ye needs to earn money to support his family, can't take care of his daughter-in-law, and personally goes out to persuade his parents, but, let him say everything well, he only gets a word from his mother: "Whoever gives birth to him is in charge, the granddaughter is born to her, she manages, she is born by your mother-in-law, naturally it is your mother-in-law who manages." Anyway, I don't care. ”
Mr. Ye's wife has two older brothers, and his mother wants to bring her grandchildren and granddaughters, and Mr. Ye's wife is helpless and cries to ask her mother for help. The mother-in-law was distressed about her daughter and promised to take care of her confinement, which caused the dissatisfaction of the daughter-in-law, if it were not for the brothers who were distressed by their sister and persuaded their wives, the situation would be even worse.
"My wife is out of the confinement, my mother still refuses to take care of my granddaughter, and constantly finds trouble for my wife, in desperation, I moved out with my wife and rented a house." She was responsible for taking care of her daughter and doing housework, and I was responsible for making money to support the family, until after my daughter studied, my wife came out to work, and we slowly had the surplus money and could save money to buy a house. ”
How hard these 22 years have been, Mr. Ye knows very well that his wife cannot agree to take care of his mother, and Mr. Ye also knows.
03. Each finds his own mother, and now we are in charge of each mother;
The phone calls of the relatives called not only Mr. Ye, but also to Mr. Ye's wife. After Mr. Ye's wife received the call, she unceremoniously scolded these relatives who stood and talked without waist pain.
"When I was confinement, no one cared, my mother had to annoy my sister-in-law and take care of me, where was she?"
"My daughter was not brought, I had to be a housewife for 5 years, and her son was desperately trying to earn money to support the family, and he was only enough for basic life, and he couldn't buy a house, where was she?"
"I went out to work, my daughter went to school and no one picked me up, so I had to walk back alone at a young age, where was she when she cried with us?"
The wife clearly told Mr. Ye that she would never be able to take care of her mother-in-law. She wasn't a saint, she couldn't put it down, and no one could force her.
"26 years ago I was confinement, your mother said who gave birth to who waited, and now she is sick, who mother who cares. I won't stop you from honoring your mother, you can ask someone to take care of her, but I won't go, and I won't let her live with me. ”
Mr. Ye knew very well that these relatives were all thrown over by his mother, and Mr. Ye took a leave of absence, and said: "Let you serve the confinement, you said, each find your mother." Now, my wife says, each in charge of his mother. I needed to go to work and couldn't go back, so I got a caregiver to help you take care of it. You have a better temper, don't trouble people. ”
Although Mr. Ye's mother still continues to complain about her son and daughter-in-law, and there are still uninteresting relatives calling over, Mr. Ye is more knowledgeable and does not force his wife: "I can see her grievances and pain, at the beginning, it was I who was useless, I married her but failed to give my wife and daughter a happy home, now, how can I force her to smile and take care of my mother for me?" ”
04. There is a kind of goodness, called not to be suffering from others, not to persuade others to be good.
Stingy, narrow-minded, unfilial, what are these words used to describe a person who has been hurt by others? If they forgive the person who hurt them and don't ask the other person to pay for their actions, can the harm they suffer never happen?
Instead of asking others to be generous and forgive you, it is better to ask yourself first, be strict with yourself, and be kind to others. Don't do bad things, don't be afraid of ghosts knocking on the door, don't hurt the innocent, you are not afraid of being punished. Having done bad things, and then wanting to let others go by relying on a "sorry" sentence, and still standing on the moral high ground to accuse others, where is such a person aware of his mistakes? It is clear that I don't want to bear the consequences of making a mistake.
Yu Hua wrote in "Wencheng": You will never understand a person unless you put on his shoes and walk around and think from his point of view. But when you walk through his path, you feel uncomfortable even passing by.
The knife did not cut on you, the slap did not hit your face, you do not know the pain, then control your mouth, without suffering from others, do not persuade others to be kind.
If you meet someone who stands and talks without waist pain, be polite, either go back or avoid it, do not forgive a person, do not let go of a thing, it is your right, no one can force you.
END.
Today's topic: If it is you, are you willing to let go of the confinement of the moon and forgive the mother-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.