Someone once asked Yang Chen: "Do you have any kind words to contribute to the troubled modern marriage?"
Because in their view, Yang Dai is a new woman who grew up in an enlightened family and education, but after marrying Qian Zhongshu, she has to enter the door to prostrate to her in-laws, learn how to be a "daughter-in-law", and be an "old mother who does not spend money" at home. They wonder where Yang Dai's impetus for an easy transition between these roles comes from.
Yang Dai replied: "I married from a generous mother's family to a Hansu Qian family as a "daughter-in-law", from the old customs, performing old rituals, and there is no sense of "getting married" at all. Prostration is just a kneeling, etiquette, not much difference from bowing. If both men and women are concerned about such details, then inquire about each other's family situation as soon as possible, and it is not appropriate not to get married. ”
In Yang Dai's view, two people together, some customary things, do not need to care, because she loves her husband, more than herself, so she does not feel wronged, she said that she understands the value of Qian Zhongshu, understand him, because of understanding, so the better the feelings. Mutual understanding, so they will support each other.
Through Yang Chen's answer, let us know that if two people want to get married and want to live a good life, they must think clearly about three things before getting married.
01 Can accept each other's original family
In the eyes of outsiders, it may be something that Yang Dai cannot accept, but for herself, there is nothing. Because she fully accepted Qian Zhongshu's original family, she did not feel wronged when she did things.
Marriage is not a child's play, and before a man and a woman choose to get married, the other person's family really needs to be understood. Many people always think that the other party's original family is not important before marriage, and only after marriage do they find that they are completely unable to integrate and accept it.
Love is a matter of two people, but marriage is a matter of two families, once married, you can not only take care of two people, both families must take care of both.
Therefore, if you do not understand each other's family before marriage, you simply cannot know what kind of situation you will face in the future, in case you can't accept it at all, it will directly affect the marital status of two people.
Because whether it is for you or for each other, you are facing your own relatives, you certainly can't completely stop coming and going, if you can't get along very well, both sides will be very unhappy, and in the long run, the crack between the two people will become bigger and bigger.
Although feelings are a matter for both of you, you can't get rid of the original family alone, so before you get married, understand each other's family, consider whether you can accept it, get married if you can accept it, can't accept it, and don't force yourself.
02 Can understand each other
Two people together, in addition to facing their respective original families, of course, more important is to see the two people's relationship. Even if the original family has no problems, it can be accepted, but if two people cannot live in harmony, the married life will jump and even come to an end.
If two people want to get along well, understanding is very important. No matter how much you love each other, you are two completely independent people, it is impossible for any thoughts and actions to be exactly the same, when the ideas are different, you must know how to think about the problem from the perspective of the other party, and learn to understand each other.
Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu have been studying literature all their lives, and both like to read, which is already considered to be like-minded, but in life, the two people are completely different, Yang Dai can deal with the big and small affairs of the family, including repairing the door locks at home, but Qian Zhongshu is not only not good at these, he can be said to be very bad at handling trivial matters and self-care, but they have never quarreled because of these, because of mutual understanding.
Yang Dai believes that the value of Qian Zhongshu lies in doing learning, so it doesn't matter if she is hard or tired, this is understanding.
And Qian Zhongshu saw that Yang Dai was working hard to run the family alone, so learning to cook, wash clothes, etc., this is also an understanding.
The two of them are on the basis of understanding, the feelings become deeper and deeper, no complaints and no regrets.
Two people together, if you only think about yourself, only think about what you have got, how much you have paid, such feelings are doomed not to be beautiful.
Once the feelings start to calculate, they will change their appearance. You can tell the other person what kind of life you want and how you want him to treat you, but you can't get up all day and say how much you've contributed to the family, except to make the other person feel guilty or bored.
Therefore, before marriage, think clearly about whether you can understand each other after marriage. Of course, everything needs to be measured, and if the other person always hurts you, then put away your understanding.
03 Can support each other
With understanding, further thinking of supporting each other. Although two people exist as independent individuals, marriage is shared by two people, and what this marriage will eventually become is mainly based on two people. If you know how to support each other, each other will become better and better, and the natural marriage will become more and more happy.
If there is no support, the other party is doing anything you are denying, or pouring cold water on the other party, then how can the other party do what he wants to do? Nature cannot become a better self.
Two people together, if you can't get better and better, it will get worse and worse, so know how to support each other, since you are the person you like, why not support it?
Marriage is a big thing for everyone, so marriage can not rely on a whim, but on the basis of serious thinking to make a choice, so before getting married, we must think clearly about the above three things.
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