The ancients always said that marriage and matching should be the right door, and I once scoffed at this view, thinking that the door to the door refers to two families with equal economic conditions and social status.
But now I have a different view, people's cognitive level is not the same, and most of the time economic conditions and social status determine people's cognitive level. Cognition is the basis for people to see the world, people with different levels, the way of thinking will be very different, the perspective of looking at problems will be different.
Falling in love and marrying people at different levels is most likely not a pleasant process, and it is likely to be sad and sad, in vain.
People with different levels have a hard time understanding each other
People at different levels, the focus of attention is completely different, some people pursue materials, like luxury cars, designer clothes and bags; some people pursue spirit, need a lot of emotional satisfaction; and some people pursue dreams, career first, always are workaholics.
A person who pursues material things and meets a person who pursues emotional satisfaction will feel that what the other person cares about is not important. She feels that you love me and stay with me, and you are there whenever I need it, taking care of my feelings and soothing my emotions, which are far more important than money. And people who pursue material things feel that I give you money to spend, and you buy and buy at will, which is the best love I give you.
Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo are two such people. Xiao Lu's family conditions were not good, his father left early, and it was all up to his mother to take him and his brother alone. So he wanted to make money, make a lot of money, and give his wife and daughter a better material life. He thought it was the best love for his wife and daughter.
Therefore, he will count the grievances he has suffered at work into the account book he has paid for his family. He said many times: "I will ask for projects like grandchildren for this family." ”
And what Fang Yinuo wants is that her husband can accompany the birth when she has children, not to work; what she wants is that he can be around when Xiao Lu is needed, not to accompany customers to drink; what she wants is that when she can't move and be thirsty, Xiao Lu can hand her a cup of water, which is the warmth and thoughtfulness in life.
Xiao Lu never even noticed this. He always apologized, but never changed. It is because he feels that these are not important, at least not as important as making money.
Money is really too important for Xiao Lu. So when he divorced, when Fang Yinuo took out the ledger and calculated his property with him, he suddenly changed from a gentle person to a violent maniac. He even uttered a promise to attack Fang Yinuo, completely tearing his face.
Does money matter? Of course it matters. But for the other party, feelings in marriage are more important. She said: "I never asked you how much money you made. "Yeah, if she values money, how could she marry a poor boy?"
Therefore, two people divorcing and re-finding their own happiness is also a transformation and growth for them.
People with different levels are more likely to clash
Conflicts in the family are basically misunderstandings. The source of misunderstanding is because of different cognitions.
When Fang Yinuo gave birth to a child, the mother-in-law was busy taking the placenta, which was to be used to supplement the body of the second son. It seems quite indifferent, and it also makes Fang Yinuo feel cold.
But it turned out that she wasn't apathetic. She is very willing to help with the children and will also care about Fang Yinuo. When her son and daughter-in-law decided to divorce, she personally made a lot of food for Fang Yinuo to send over, saying: "I am not here to persuade you." Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I am a little reluctant. "She's actually an old lady with a good heart."
But they will have a lot of conflicts. For example, Fang Yinuo said that I could not smoke with children, but my mother-in-law said that I was fine if I smoked outside, and the smoke did not float to the child.
One thinks it's important, the other thinks it doesn't matter.
People from different cultural backgrounds have different starting points and different values. They all feel that they are right, and they are all wrong in the eyes of the other party.
Both are very good people, because of their different views, and there are many misunderstandings and conflicts. Being with people at different levels requires more grinding and growing yourself.
Partners of comparable levels are more likely to be happy
Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu are people of the same level, they are recognized as a happy couple.
Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu met at Tsinghua University, and later the two of them went to Oxford University in the United Kingdom to study together, and then transferred to the University of Paris in France for further study. They have been helping each other and advancing hand in hand, and no one has left anyone behind. Later, Yang Dai wrote plays and translated foreign literature; Qian Zhongshu wrote novels, reviews, and literary research.
Not only that, Yang Chen's father studied in Japan and the United States, successively served as the head of the Beijing Normal High Court, the high procurator of the Beijing Division, the counselor of the Ministry of Justice, and a book. Qian Zhongshu's father, who studied Sinology, wrote "The Theory of the Great Situation of Chinese Public Opinion" at the age of 16, which was published in the "Xinmin Cong Bao", and was also a very cultured person.
Whether it is the family background or the path they later take, the two people have the same level, so they can understand each other, appreciate each other, tolerate each other, and live happily throughout their lives.
Of course, different origins do not mean that the cognitive level is necessarily different. There are also people who jump out of the influence of their original families and walk out of their own piece of the sky, which is naturally not the same.
Judging from these examples, I think that it is easier to be happy to be in love and get married, and to want to eat less emotional pain, or to be a partner of the same level. He understands what you say, what he says, you understand. There are no obstacles and barriers between each other, there will not be so many misunderstandings, and naturally there will be harmony and happiness.
Follow me and grow together.