First, the marriage of middle-aged people, a chicken feather
In the TV series "In the World", the marriage of Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng makes people sigh, from worship to disgust, years of hard work and feelings burned. How happy you have been, how sad you have been when you leave. When the days were at their worst, they all survived; after the living conditions continued to improve, they could not live.
The disappointment of a relationship is never overnight, but is accumulated from many small things. It's not really hurt, it's not going to go to the end
one-step
。 It is easy to get along with each other, and emotional management is a science.
Whether the feelings are good or not is definitely related to the economic foundation, but after reaching a certain foundation, whether the feelings are harmonious or not is more related to non-material factors, and whether the three views are consistent or not is related to the expectations of both parties for feelings.
When you no longer appreciate each other, it is easy to magnify each other's shortcomings, ignore each other's advantages, and over time, you will feel that the other party is useless, use an unclear energy to push the other party to a position farther and farther away from you, exhaust each other's feelings, and fall into a stagnant stagnant stalemate.
Second, to appreciate each other is to lay an Easter egg for life
Some friends may say that Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng are both students, one is a poet, the other is a university professor, and their expectations for life are too idealistic and human
In terms of dealing with the world
Not eye-catching enough, naturally not good.
There's some truth to this, but there are no absolutes, the key is to see how you see your partner.
Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai are also scholars, but they have a deep affection and are envied.
Qian Zhongshu is a master of traditional Chinese studies, and Yang Dai is the golden signboard of the theater and translation circles. Both were notorious bookworms who could hold on to the poverty of devoting themselves to academia.
In life, Qian Zhongshu's life skills can be described as clumsy.
For example, once, Qian Zhongshu tied a dead knot with his shoelaces, and as a result, he fell at Oxford University and lost most of his front teeth. After being injured, his first reaction was to cover his mouth with a handkerchief and run home to ask Yang Dai for help.
Not only can't tie shoelaces, but I don't know anything about housework. However, his wife Yang Dai was particularly understanding, admiring Qian Zhongshu's good learning, accommodating everything about Qian Zhongshu, and willing to pay more time to take care of her husband, and the feelings between the two became more and more firm.
To love someone is to tolerate everything about the other person, and the more you appreciate your partner, the less trouble.
Third, the more you can find the advantages of the other party, the more harmonious the feelings
Have you noticed that disappointing marriages have a characteristic: mutual accusations and hostility.
A good marriage, on the other hand, is to find bright spots for each other, not sensitive to the shortcomings of the partner, only to feel cute, sensitive to the advantages of the partner, and publicize big things.
In psychology, this is what focus-solving short-term therapy is, simply put, looking for bright spots, not caring about what the past was, not pursuing why it became what it is now, and only asking what the "good times" were like.
A couple with a red light in their marriage came to the psychologist's clinic for help, and the psychologist asked, "You can't argue every day, can you?" There are always times when there is harmony, and that time is a moment of miracle. How it was done at the time. ”
Under the guidance of the doctor, they constantly discover each other's strengths, find that the communication with each other is much smoother, and finally reconcile as before.
If you can remember each other's goodness, you can live this day, and the key to emotional getting along lies in this.
Getting together is fate, don't ignore the happiness around you because of myopia astigmatism. Especially the beauty that your partner brings you.
In front of the West Lake Flower Temple, there is a couplet that reads: "The warbler swallow swallow emerald red melts everywhere, rain, rain, wind, wind, flowers, leaves, leaves and leaves every year twilight dynasty." ”
It's easy to spot a partner's flaws, and it's rare to recognize your partner's strengths. Appreciating your partner is the most important investment in your life.