Text: Ten miles
"Is it the same for men to marry"? The other day, I saw such a problem on the Internet.
Someone said: "When you are young, you feel that you have to find someone you love and love yourself very much, and as you grow older, you feel that it is actually appropriate to get married, and it is good to be married, boys grow up in an instant, as long as they can get married, the children are their own." ”
Someone said: "If a man does not marry the woman he wants to marry, then marrying anyone is the same, the conditions are OK, and the people are almost the same." Anyway, it is to cope with parents, make up a life, and the most important thing is to live a good life. ”
Some people also say: "Love will always become affection, and under the passage of time, the result of who marries is actually the same." ”
Although the above answers have a certain truth, the author feels that something is wrong.
So I interviewed several married men on this question, and from their answers, the author found the real answer.
Mr. Zhang, 32 years old, is married: Ordinary men are the same as whoever marries, while excellent men don't think so.
Mr. Zhang said that ordinary men and excellent men have different standards for marriage.
For ordinary men, they do not have enough competitiveness and social capital, so they have no right to choose, they are often selected by women, as long as this woman can marry and have children, pass on the generations, they can complete their own life rituals, then they have nothing else to ask for.
For a good man, they are often very strict about the selection of partners, because they have enough social capital and confidence, so they tend to choose their suitable and high-quality partners.
Just like Mr. Zhang's young boss often said: "His future wife must be particularly beautiful, otherwise he can't change his family genes." ”
You see, for different people, their requirements for their partners are also different, and not all men think the same about who they marry.
In reality, men who say they are the same as whoever they marry are often ordinary people who are incompetent.
They have no choice in marriage, and all of them will give up on themselves to choose marriage.
They will say this, not because they don't want to choose their favorite partner, but because they know they can't do it, so they find other excuses to cover up their embarrassment.
2. Mr. Li, 42 years old, married: Men are really different from who is married.
Mr Lee said it really matters who the man marries.
As the saying goes, "Men marry the right three generations of the rich, and men take the wrong three generations of the poor." ”
This is deeply true.
Just like Mr. Li, he has experienced two marriages, and although he is now happily married and successful in his career, he has a painful marriage experience.
Mr. Li's first wife is the source of his pain, the first wife has no sense of responsibility for the family, is a complete brother-in-law demon, even if the family is in deficit, but the wife still can't let go of the gambler's brother, even if the debt is heavy, even if the husband is tired, or don't care.
Therefore, Mr. Li, who was physically and mentally exhausted, could only choose divorce and then entered a second marriage.
Mr. Li's second wife, a good wife and good mother, has devoted herself to the small family, and has all kinds of worries and difficulties for Mr. Li, so that Mr. Li can devote himself to work wholeheartedly, so that he has today's success.
You see, it really matters to a man who he's married to.
If a man marries the right wife, then it will definitely help the man to get better and better. And if a man marries a bad wife, it will often only drag the man down and make the man worse.
3. Mr. Zhou, 41 years old, married: if there is no love, it is better not to get married.
Mr. Zhou said that if a couple does not have love, then it is better to get married than not to get married.
Because in this era of materialism and low cost of divorce, marriages without love will sooner or later break up.
Even if the older generation often says, "Get married first, and then slowly cultivate feelings, you can have a happy marriage, because their marriage is like this." ”
For the older generation, their loveless marriages were happy because of the different times.
Their generation was feudal in thought, and everyone had no right to choose for marriage, compared to those who could not get married, they could get married, and they were often happy.
In addition, the divorce cost of that generation is also very high, most people have divorced once, it is difficult to enter the next marriage, because they will be all kinds of gossip and rumors, so they almost do not have the idea of divorce, naturally easier to live.
And now the times are different, the cost of divorce is very low, everyone can choose the marriage they want, when they decide that it is not appropriate, whether there is a basis for love, they may directly divorce.
Just like the couples in reality who are flashing marriages and divorcing, they get married quickly and divorce quickly.
Just like Li Ao and Hu Yinmeng.
They fell in love, flashed marriage, flashed away, and finally hated each other for a lifetime, what is the point of this
Seeing this, some people may say: "It is not easy to meet a loved one, what if you can't wait for a lifetime?" ”
For marriage, many times, it is not that it is difficult to meet the person we love, but that our vision is too high, always to pursue perfection, so even if we meet the person we love, we will often miss it easily.
For most people, accepting imperfection is the beginning of happiness.
Miyazaki said: "
Love is not about finding a perfect person, but about learning to appreciate the imperfect person with perfect eyes. ”
Instead of striving for perfection and keeping your eyes on the high places, it is better to change the angle and look at each other's advantages.
Most marriages in the world are not about finding the most perfect person at the beginning, but about finding someone they love and then working on running the marriage with each other.
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