Why advise the elderly: after the death of your wife, do not live with your children? They spoke from the heart
Small building outside the clouds
Release on 2022-03-2116:21
Lovers of the emotional realm
concern
01
Lead
After the death of his wife, will the old man who remains want to go to his children's home to retire? This is a question worth pondering, the choice is different, the happiness of the day is also different.
02
I am Aunt Shen, 67 years old this year, my wife died half a year ago, at the beginning I lived alone in my hometown, my sons were not at ease, they discussed with me to let me go to their side, they took good care of me.
Originally, I was reluctant to do it, but the sons said that we were afraid that if we lived alone, we were afraid that you would think wildly, and we were afraid that you would not be able to take care of something.
In the face of my son's worries and concerns, I did not insist on living on my own, but followed them to their city.
Two sons, they say that I am with half a year every month, I think it is OK, always can not rely on one son, the other does not care, this is not to increase the contradiction of the family, a family over half a year is very good.
In the beginning, the eldest son found me a house, close to where he lived, I lived alone, he prepared food for me, and the days were OK.
Gradually, I found that my eldest daughter-in-law did not seem to welcome me very well, and she would find an excuse to watch the shop busy, let me wash and cook for them, and send them every time the meal was ready.
My own son, if I am really busy, I can send it over, but she does not have time, but she wants to oppress me. As soon as I shouted for my eldest son to buy me something, my eldest daughter-in-law would find an excuse to argue with my eldest son and say something unpleasant to my face.
In order not to make them conflicted because of me, I went to my younger son and said to him: Let him send me back. But the younger son said why do you go back, go back to yourself alone is not alone, you are not happy with the big brother's side, you come to my house to live.
Well, since my son said so, I won't go home first, and I'll continue to stay here, but if I can't, I'll go to my younger son's house.
Unfortunately, my younger son's family did not become a haven for me, but my life was not happy.
Although the daughter-in-law will not say anything to my face, she will ignore me, as if there is no one in the family. When I was carrying me, my daughter-in-law would make trouble with my younger son and ask him to send me back.
Outside the words, I have something to do how to always find the younger son, not to find the boss, to see a doctor to find the younger son, to buy medicine to find the younger son, even to buy a dress or something to find the younger son, obviously the boss is richer ...
Maybe I was wrong, in my heart the little son is good at talking, and he is more responsible for his parents, so I like to tell my younger son about anything.
Once or twice is fine, the number of times the daughter-in-law is unbalanced, and several times I have heard the daughter-in-law chatting with others, saying that I am looking for trouble, saying that I am eccentric, although I did not say it in front of my face, but it was also quite uncomfortable.
Let me make up my mind to go home and live alone, because I lived in my younger son's house for half a month, which also led to their family conflicts, and the little daughter-in-law blamed the younger son for taking me to the house without consulting with her, and living for half a month.
Because of this, they also had a big fight, and even the children in the family were frightened, and for this reason, the daughter-in-law did not want to see me.
Although I also want my son to be around, for the sake of each other's good, I chose to go back to my own home and live alone, not to cause them trouble, and to avoid letting them have family conflicts because of me.
In fact, if you think about it, it is also very good to live alone, I am still young and not to move, I can do whatever I want to do in my own home, I want to eat at what time, and my life is more comfortable than at my son's house.
Although they are still far away, we can video chat, think of them occasionally to see them, and the days are still quite comfortable. Their family is harmonious and I am happy.
03
I am Uncle Liang, 70 years old this year, after the death of my wife, I chose to live alone in my hometown, and I did not follow my son.
At first, I also thought about whether to live with my son, but after considering it, I chose to live alone. Of course, my children are also filial, they have asked me if I want to go to their side, and they have rushed back from work to try to pick me up.
They said: I'm old, they don't feel at ease, my wife is gone, there is something that doesn't even have a person to take care of, let me go to them for their peace of mind, they will take care of me nearby.
I refused, I told them, I am not going anywhere, I can live alone, take care of myself, let them live their lives well, really have the heart to care more about me, let me have no worries about food and clothing.
I think very simply, when I can move, I must not trouble the children and do not cause them trouble. Today's social survival pressure is very high, even if they do not look short of money, I do not want to be a burden to them.
The older I get, the more I miss the old land, and I don't want to leave my hometown and go to a strange place. I don't want to leave in a strange place in the future, and my homeland is difficult to leave.
The people and things I am familiar with are all in this homeland, reluctant to leave, nor dare to leave.
The old man in the same village, there was a person who was taken care of by his son, but he was not happy, but he was particularly uncomfortable. Around his son, he did not live the kind of good life he thought he wanted, but everywhere was strange, facing a strange environment, unfamiliar language, it was too difficult for him who did not speak Mandarin.
There are also many different living habits, the food is not to taste, the days are boring, and there is not even a person around to talk.
You say tell your son that they are very busy every day, and every day when they get home, they want to rest, and they don't have time to chat and talk with him. Many times there will be contradictions because of different concepts, each other is not pleasing to the eye, the days are noisy, and within a few months he can't stand it and moves back.
As an old man, go to strange places, I will also encounter these, I do not want to have raw powder with my son, nor do I want to make a good family noisy every day, I am old, I will try to be happy.
As parents, although my children and I are the closest people, because of the different growth environments, many concepts are not the same, and it is difficult to integrate with each other.
If so why not go their separate ways, I can still move and take care of myself, there is no need to cause them trouble; and when I really can't move one day, I will see whether to find a babysitter or a child.
I don't regret not going to the pension with my son, because I have a very pleasant life in my hometown, Nagging with the neighbors every day, idle to go to the vegetable garden to plant vegetables, weed, or do something I like, life is very comfortable.
Occasionally you can go to the neighbor's house to visit a door, and when something happens, they will also stretch out their hands, isn't it also very good?
When I went to my son's side, I could still live so freely, and I was afraid that I wouldn't even find a place to have fun.
Today's life is very good, I am not a burden for the children, they can work with peace of mind, I also live happily, the best of both worlds, no burden on them, it is also my last love for them.
04
Write at the end
Do you want to live with your children after your wife dies? I think it's better not to spend time with my children unless it's necessary.
The two generations grow up in different environments, which will cause many habits to be different, even parents and children will have differences, and they also need to be run-in.
Parents are well transparent, if you can't find your own position, if you are not careful, the family will become a battlefield, and the life will naturally not be happy.
When people reach their old age, when they can take care of themselves, they will live alone, and where is the unfamiliar place where they are familiar with the environment, where there is their own warm nest under the fence!
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